God my family is a nightmare!

The situation is this.

4 middle aged sisters (my mother in law being 1) all equally due to inherit a largish estate upon the death of their mother, £250K in mortgage free house, and £150K stock cash etc.

1 sister estranged from all, 3 remaining (incl my mother in law) dont get on at all.

Their mother is ok at the moment but is undergoing tests for dementia, and is becoming more in need of care.

She wants to live with my mother in law (they are closest, as she bothers to see her) she (mother in law) is happy to have this happen and become her full time carer, but she is not in a position to do this free, ie she will need at least her current income matching (£895 pcm).

The other two sisters are not happy with this, they want to get in professional care, ideally by sticking her in a home (cynically freeing up some equity for them too, they are quite disgustingly open about this).

Also and most importantly, 1 sister is more financially savvy and is pushing to be made the power of attorney.

Questions:

1) Are there solicitors who would be able to become a third party power of attorney (with pre agreed parameters obviously)? if so what is this process called, and who do you approach to sort it.

2) Is there anyway that a sister can force herself to be power of attorney, and can this be prevented by the other sisters? if so how can this be acheived?

3) Who is the best organisation to approach to thrash out an arrangement/give advice for my mother in law, before she gives up her job, and then gets screwed by her sisters……

http://www.publicguardian.gov.uk/about/court-of-protection.htm

1) yes. Many private solicitors will do this and if there is dispute then its the best way – but costs.

2) No sge can’t – all relatives get the opportunity to object to a potential power of attorney or should do

3) alzeimers society can help or help the aged. or the link above

Its a messy situation. The sisters that think putting her in a home will leave equity are deluded themselves. A home could easily cost £50 000 pa and she could live for many years.

All decisions for an incapable adult should d be taken with the best interests of that adult in mind in accordance with their expressed or known wishes. This is not the same as doing what you think is best for them, its doing what they think is best for them eve if that means doing things you think stupid. They have the right to spend all their money on gin if they want.

Its always best for the individual to remain in their own home with support if possible

It is best to sort the situation out now while the mother is capable of making decisions. I have power of attorney for my parents set up and awaiting them becoming incapable.

Your grandmothes solicitor iws probably the best place to start.

Solicitor definitely. Especially if the lady in question hasn’t made a will yet.

The sisters obviously haven’t a clue re costs of ‘putting someone in a home’ and if your MIL is offering to become her carer at < £1000 a month, it’s an absolute bargain.

All sorts of regulations would come into play if she sold the house and went into care and they may not necessarilly get the money which they appear to think they will.

How about getting an assessment by a consultant in psychiatry for the elderly to assess your grandmothers mental capacity and to assess what your grandmothers desires are. They can then advise your family as to the patients capacity to make this decision and give a written report to the solicitors involved of their professional opinion of the patients expressed desires ob their future care.

hey ho where theres a will theres a writ!

If the mother owns the house, and goes into care the house must be sold to pay care home fees until she dies sadly, then you can shatre out any profits.

Been there and its not nice.

As above there is an awful lot of work and checks involved and they may well not get the money they think.

But that’s besides the point is your Mother in Law who by the sounds of it is still mentally capable aware of what her lovely daughters have planned for because if not gimme her number and I’ll tell her. As they sound like a bunch of ****, hope they get nothing.

Oh home care fees are from £450 to £800 per WEEK, so the money will soon go, then theres allt he costs odf solicitors and the bitching and in fighting.

I feel so sorry for the mother.

thats cheap project. Dementia care to a decent standard in Edinburgh is £1000+ a week now

and im sure the op didnt realise care cost that much.