My MIL has just called my wife to tell her she thinks her dad might be dead.

It’s no great loss he was a total twunt, and nobody is going to miss him, other than my wife and even she didn’t like him.

In the bizarre world of strange inlaws, the MIL called in a few of her friends to see what they thought, if he was dead or not, and they sat around chatting about it, none of them liked him.

MIL says that she noticed he wasn’t moving and was cold this morning a good 18 hours ago, but thought he was just being a nob again so ignored him.

He’s been lying dead on the living room sofa for a day with people coming and going.

Strange family to have married into.

Poor wife is running around calling her brothers and sisters to tell them and none of them care. Going to be a shit, long half term, bollocks.

bookmarked

I spent the first half of that post thinking that the guy was estranged!! Can’t believe he’s just lying in the living(!) room. Er…sorry for your loss?!?!

They’re probably going to have to renew the sofa.

I can hear the wife recounting the tale to sister number 3, who has just stopped a card game to eventually answer the phone.

I’m trying to be consoling, but all my thoughts are quite selfish just now.

I think from the last phone call he might still be in the house, waiting or the body pick up truck to get him.

Hopefully the most responsible brother in law is on his way to make sure the body is moved. If not it may well be there until we turn up tomorrow.

HOw long does it take for a body to start smelling at 35 degrees?

“They sat around chatting about it, none of them liked him”

Brilliant – I’m going to do that with my FIL and then when he wakes up say sorry I thought you’d died

new bike time ?

They’re probably going to have to renew the sofa.

Dead Fella Sitting ?

umm. Condolences and all that.

Weekend at bernie’s quirrel’s

😯

How the other half lives.

Go ride your bike now and come back on Monday – they won’t even notice that you’re not there

BIL has arrived – last time BIL saw FIL was earlier in the week where FIL tried to hit him with a machete, because he thought he was being accused of stealing a buddha.

More to come. Hopefully the body has gone by now,

I think Quirrel’s in-Laws don’t live in the UK.

Where in the world is this fantastic tale unraveling?

BIL has arrived – last time BIL saw FIL was earlier in the week where FIL tried to hit him with a machete, because he thought he was being accused of stealing a buddha.

Those angry Buddhists!! Tut tut

Current phone conversation

Mrs Q – I know nobody liked him, but they could have at least moved the body or checked to see if he was alive.
BIL – He was always complaining he was sick when he wasn’t. Why nobody checked. Nobody cares anyway.

I will be trying again in a minute to get her off the phone. Getting all worked up over something she can’t do anything about.

There you go folks it’s that fairy story, the old miserable, selfish, abusive twunt that cried wolf and said he felt sick when he wasn’t.

I’m refraining from bringing up the need for a new sofa just now, never liked staying there as the miserable old twunt was always in the living room.

Where in the world is this fantastic tale unraveling?

Bangkok – we are a few hundred km up country.

I still can’t work out if he has been picked up yet. My BIL is a taxi driver, so at least there is an easy solution there.

“you’ll never guess who I had in the back of my cab the other day”

the MIL called in a few of her friends to see what they thought, if he was dead or not………. thought he was just being a nob again so ignored him

Is it just me who’s hoping that he’s not really dead and just being a nob ?

EDIT : Because the family are so clearly devastated obviously.

^ Thing is, the family are so inept, that could be a possibility.

MIL was taking care of two nephews, both 8, they ran away, or at least they thought they had. So they sat around the house cryimg all day, eventually calling my wife at about 8pm to tell her. Kids had been missing for coming on 10 hours at this point.

They were found later hiding in the bedroom upstairs, nobody had even bothered to look anywhere.

So he may well be stil alive, and my holiday will still be shit because he will be there when I go on Sunday or Monday…..saying that he might still be there either way at this rate.

I don’t think sorry for your loss is quite appropriate here. So a funny story instead.

When I was a kid we lived next to an odd, old couple. He was a giant, about 6’8″ and she was an angry alcoholic. In the night, he’d gone into the bathroom and somehow died, collapsed on the floor with his legs and arms at odd angles. She meanwhile was comatose on Croft Original and whisky and hadn’t noticed he had got up, not come back to bed, or indeed had presumably made a massive crash as he went down.

Until the next morning when she found him. With the joint effect of a massive hangover and a raging thirst, she called my folks in to help and then set to with the gin. Maybe a bit of gin before calling my folks, we’ll never know. So by the time my parents had got the doctor and the undertaker there she was already halfcut.

But being 6’8″, and with rigor mortis in his gangly arms and legs from a night on the floor, there was no way to get him into a body bag. So WingCo Warren made his last journey down his front passage and out of his front door in a semi upright position, covered with a bedsheet. The sight of this apparition passing the front window was enough to give the now paralytic Mrs Warren a severe attack of the heebeegeebees, and my mum who was ‘comforting’ her had a fit of the giggles that lasted several hours.

Ah, the 70’s.

Oh it gets better.

So FIL was on the sofa all day, cold and lifeless. MIL has just said, when she first called, he had actually got up off the sofa, and collapsed on the floor, so she again got some friends around to look at him, then called my wife, never bothering to mention that he had just collapsed and was possibly still alive.

Wife is all upset that she could have called an ambulance now…..not in Bangkok traffic she couldnt have.

Thread of the year coming up before my eyes

EDIT oops,should have added,my condolences to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss/regain (delete as appropriate)

The cadaver must be starting to smell now in the humidity??

^ I did just mention that, and got a look of death, but tried again more tactfully, and she knows he will be off to the morgue or temple or somewhere.

MIL disposed of our cat by chucking him in the bin, so not sure if that is an option, the neighbour has a large wheelie bin.

Don’t get rid of him yet, there’s a boatload of practical jokes just begging for a situation like this. The selfie potential alone is phenomenal.

Condolences etc.

got a look of death

not sure that’s the best metaphor, under the circs?

……..called my wife, never bothering to mention that he had just collapsed and was possibly still alive.

I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose – it probably just slipped her mind. It’s clearly a difficult time for her.

My thoughts are with his family and all who knew him.

Can you hire a good ventriloquist?

Jeff Dunham?

Jeff Dunham

He could do his ‘I kill you’ to the BIL over the Buddha.

Jeff Dunham?

No, it seems like natural causes, Jeff’s innocent.

Rich, coat, now!

*applause*

Don’t encourage him
😉

There was a Father Ted episode like this…

Sounds to me like the MIL and her cohorts are incapable of making decisions themselves and seek validation from others.

I assume the old fella is now properly dead having had one attempt at reincarnation end with him on the floor?

Whatever happens next, I wish you the best.