Some of you may recall that my mum had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Well it went very quickly to say the least – 17 days from diagnosis to death. I feel lucky in a way though – she wanted to die at home and given half my family are medics we could manage that for her.

Without that I don’t think we could have coped at the end because whilst St Like’s were brilliant the district nursing team were utter shit.

But **** me it was a horrible couple of weeks. Cancer really is a ****.

That said I have had a lesson in dying with dignity. Not once did she ask ‘why me’ – she was more worried about those she was leaving behind and she kept her humour right until the end to keep our spirits up.

In fact a few hours before slipping into unconsciousness she demanded a champagne party in her room so we duly obliged. On the first sip she declared it champagne to die for!

Thanks to all who gave me advice on how to two babybgoode. He’s handled it ok but misses her like rest of us and the words of wisdom imparted by you for folk really did help handle the situation.

Still a bit at loss trying to make sense of it all hence a slightly incoherent babble to a bunch of strangers. Kind of helps to write about it a bit so feel free to ignore me!

To anyone dealing with this horrible disease you have my thoughts.

sorry for your loss.

Dad going through 2nd bout of chemo 😐

Sorry to hear that Danny, thoughts are with you. RIP Ms BGoode Snr. 🙁

I’m really sorry for your loss.

Sad news, just remember the good times with her.

Nothing really prepares you for it.

Take it easy.

Ah, jeez oh, sorry to hear about it. All the best from us, hope family is all OK.

Ugh. My condolences. I lost my dad last year and it was a messy, drawn-out affair. It’s probably little comfort, but there’s worse ways to check out; I’d have swapped a champagne breakfast for trawling the streets looking for a confused nursing home escapee any day. Genuinely sorry for your loss.

both my parents taken by the big C before their time, death really is a shitter. Thoughts and stuff. 🙂

Tough times Danny. This place has many special qualities particularly in times like these. My thoughts are with you, she sounds like an incredible lady with a genius sense of humor and strength of personality. We leave nothing behind but our kids, she’s done her part now do yours.

So sorry to hear that.

**** Cancer

Sorry to hear 🙁

So sorry for your loss.life’s too short.

@cougar. On balance you’re right. I know that if I had something terminal I’d at least want it to be quick.

I’m also fortunate to have been able to say goodbye properly and there was just enough time for her to make peace with one of my sisters who hasn’t been speaking to her for years.

Yep, we’ve all got to go sometime and if there’s one thing is learned it’s life is short. Enjoy it – I know my mum did to a large extent.

Making peace was another cool thing to do. I have a family situation where I would like that to happen, however a lifetime of stubborness (a quality I recognise) is getting in the way. Thanks for sharing.

@jambalaya – the stupid thing about it though is my sister lives in Australia and she had been over at Christmas and refused to see my mum. Even then we suspected something was wrong even though we hadn’t had the diagnosis.

So she wasted 2 weeks she could have spent with my mum then and then flew back to Oz only to have to fly pretty much straight back again.

Life is definitely too short so if it’s mainly stubbornness that’s getting in the way of reconciliation (as it was for my sister and mum) then one party or the other just needs to back the **** down. Easier said than done I know!

Sorry for your loss mate.

Grief is a strange one – sometimes it’s much easier to talk to strangers.
Might not seem like it now but it does get easier, I promise.

Take care of yourselves everyone – email in profile if anyone just wants a chat.

Love to all.
Pete.

Sorry to hear the news Danny, sounds like you did her proud though and all was at peace as well as it could be in the circumstances.

Never will forget that Scarborough puncturefest charity ride!

Dan

i am very sorry for your loss (cannot think of anything else to write 🙁

My thoughts are with you Danny.

So sorry dannyb.

Condolences Danny

Sad at your loss Danny.

Really pleased that your sister managed to make peace with your mum though – my dad (and mum) both died of cancer. My younger sister had a difficult relationship with Dad and never really resolved it with him.

All the best.

Life is indeed a c word

My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss Danny, you’ve said it all really. She didn’t suffer long and she passed away at home with family surrounding her. (My sisters, mother and I were with my dad when he passed and I still view it as a huge privilege)

Lost my mum to cancer when I was 16. She suffered for a long long time, more than anyone should have to. She was diagnosed as terminal in the August and given 4-6 months. She lasted till the July. In incredible pain all that time. On my 16th birthday I spoke to her on the phone. She and I were in tears as the cancer had spread to her brain and she was trying to wish me happy birthday but the cancer or the drugs prevented her from saying her words in the correct order so what she was saying was gobbledigooK. It was tough.

Lost my mum 3 years ago to the C was a nightmare.

I lost both my parents to the big C. Mum when I was 16, dad 10 years later. There’s not much anyone can say that will help. Time is the best healer, although I doubt you’ll think that just yet.

I found that once the funeral was over, I could look to the future. Before it, all I could think about was the loss.

I do know that I’ve never felt so alone as the night after my father’s funeral. There didn’t seem to be anyone I could turn to if a problem arose, even my wife. You get over such thoughts in time.

Sorry to hear your sad news 🙁

OP thanks for the background, I will keep trying

Sorry to hear the sad news.

In our community, culture and belief we consider this a good death. i.e. no unnecessary suffering.

Sorry for your loss.

I lost my father to motor neurone a few weeks ago. He was also at home with family. Not once did he complain either.

Some awful diseases about.

However the district nurses and carers were brilliant with us. The only thing that isnt working is the out of hours care when you want to contact a dr to come out but it not serious enough for 999.

So sorry, thoughts with you. 🙁 +1 on what Zanelad said.

I can’t say much except that I sympathise deeply. I lost my dad to cancer one year ago this coming Sunday. It really is tough, but the kindness of others can make it just a little more bearable.

In the meantime, it sounds like she was a good example. Try not to forget.

Best wishes.

Very sorry to hear that mate.

You’re right, it’s a proper shitter. Sorry for your loss.

Lost my dad in October to it. It was a long time coming but relatively quick in the end, 2 weeks from the final hospital trip with diagnosis to gasping his last spaced out on morphine at home. We’re also luck to have medical friends and family – basically od’d him at the end.

Those two weeks were brutal – it could have been months, we just didn’t know. But every two days was a step closer. Before the first morphine needle went in he was already half away with the fairies but he gave my sister one of his knowing winks and went to sleep.

The only hint of a grumble was sitting there one night, he just said “what a silly business”. I understood that as “cancer’s a f*****g pain in the tits”.

Big man hug to you Danny.

lost my dad 18 years ago to bone cancer and I still miss him every day as he really was my best mate, my mum went through breast cancer & chemo 3 years ago and I just found out my mum has lesions on her lungs so needs more chemo 🙁
One of our number on here (not going to say who) lost his wife of 39 years to Leukemia earlier this month in 7 days from diagnosis!

“cancer’s a f*****g pain in the tits” just what my mum said then she added but I don’t have any tits left.

Sorry for your loss, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer 2.5 years ago, fingers crossed she’s ok now but we think about the event everyday and every routine scan is a scary time…..
All the best and please do keep talking about how you feel

Feeling your loss Danny. Lost Mum & Dad in 12 months to cancer. Has taken me about 20 months to start feeling happy again.

Stay strong, remember lots and laugh out loud about the good times.

But as you have all said cancer sucks.

Have a look at the socks Morevelo are currently doing.

Cheers guys. Got really are the best bunch of complete strangers I know.

I sorry to hear about all the people others have lost too. Love doesn’t make much sense, death even less so.

I just thankful that there are a lot of good memories to look back on (unlike with my dad) and we know we helped her in the end and gave her the send off she deserved.