Ok we had a long conversation today. She has been in tears all day. She swears on our daughter's life that nothing physical happened, not even a kiss. She was looking for a distraction and an ego massage, when attention presented itself she accepted it and it made her feel alive. She is deeply sorry and knows how hurt and angry I am, and hates herself for this betrayal.
I have spoken to the bloke's wife and told her my suspicions, and that she should ask him some questions (the joys of lax privacy on facebook!) and she tells me he also claims that nothing physical happened, but that they have had a massive bust up and she is thinking of divorcing him. Schadenfreude? You bet.
Do I believe all of this? I'm not sure, but I know I can't move on positively if I choose not to.
Here's where we are:
1: She is moving out in the next few weeks, probably after Christmas.
2: We will start our relationship afresh; no baggage, no old resentment. Go on dates, get to know each other again. See where it goes.
We have a lot to work through and I don't know whether I can ever trust her again, so it may never work and we will just end up being acquaintances. Maybe we will find that we aren't really compatible after all and better off alone. We agreed that we owe it to each other and to our daughter to at least give it the best effort we can, and if it can work again, great.
I will keep this thread updated as to our progress but I thank all of you, ( yes even you Edukator )for your input, it has really helped me.