So looks like another STWer is going to have a failed marriage Bear with me if you can, I need to get this off my chest to somebody and I am drowning right now.
Met my wife 8 years ago, fell in love, got married 5 years ago and have a 3 year old. I love my wife and my daughter to bits and she is my best mate. We get on well etc and don't really argue about anything - there are no money worries and we are both settled and happy (well happy enough!) in our careers.
Something changed about six months ago and I felt she was freezing me out - subtle changes like never being the first to initiate anything physical or say "I love you", never the one to text a goodnight message if one of us was away. She started spending a lot more time at the gym and seemed really happy to be rid of me if I wanted to go out for a beer with friends.
So anyway this all came to a head on Saturday night, we were due to go out with friends for dinner but they cancelled, and then my wife suggested going to the cinema instead - and then changed this to just getting a takeaway. As I left to pick up the food I asked her if she was ok and it all came out - she thinks I am an excellent husband and father but is not in love with me, doesn't feel that she can be intimate with me any more, but still loves and respects me dearly as a friend. She feels the lack of intimacy is insurmountable and means we have a big part of our marriage missing.
So that sucked - if she had admitted to an affair, or I had cheated, or one of us was a gambler or drinker or violent, or just an A-hole, then fine, something to work with, something that could be worked on, but you can't force someone to be in love with you right?
I've asked her if there is anyone else and she resolutely denies it, and for what it's worth I believe her. We talked last night and are going to give it until just after Christmas, if nothing has improved from her side then we will have to work out what we are going to do.
We have another house that she can live in only 5 minutes away, I will stay here, and we have agreed in principle that we can still share childcare in the same way we do now, and she respects the fact I still want to play a big part in my daughter's life. This is of ultimate importance to me.
I hope we can still remain friends for our daughter's sake but right now I feel like the bottom has dropped out of my world - I thought I was happily married up until Saturday. I have no interest in meeting a new partner - i already have a partner I love and a life I enjoy, and feel angry and betrayed that she is doing this to our family - but again if you don't love someone, nothing can change that, and I don't want her to feel trapped in a relationship she doesn't want to be in.
If you got this far thanks, feels good to get this stuff "out there" - any advice, even MTFU, gladly welcomed. Has anyone else been through this sort of thing and managed to come through it relatively unscathed?
Mods I have posted this under a pseudonym as I'm a bit embarassed - apologies.