Well, this turned out rather predictably.

Hint: A parent’s choice in their method of discipline is not a reliable indicator of their ability to parent children.

And to conflate “hitting” with a gentle smack is just as ludicrous as suggesting a softly spoken word of warning is the same as yelling two inches from their face. They’re both verbal forms of discipline, right?

So far the only time I have wanted to smack crankbrat was when he tried to run in the road and then bit my hand when I stopped him . I didn’t hit him . I do not intend to hit him as a punishment . I was smacked on a very a very few occasions as a child it did me no harm but nor did it achieve anything that could not have been achieved in a different way.

I do use physical coercion to punish holding still for a count of 30 and to get what I want clothes on hands washed etc . The threat of being made to do something when I have counted to 5 normally gets it done by 1 or 5 when he is being cheeky.

Their is no clear answer but if we are to condemn the bad and abusive smackers then they will point to the good ones and say there is nothing wrong with it they do it and had it done to them and it never did any harm . If you have the wit to see the difference between hitting in temper and a controlled disciplined smack you have the wit to find an alternative way of teaching your child right and wrong.

Broadly anti here too BUT I also recognise that this is a cheap way for Mrs Atkinson to raise her profile…
Apparently there are a lot of ‘other things in the queue first’ so next to no chance of any changes to existing laws anyway.

No need is there. Only need to shout at our 3 year old if he goes near the cooker or somewhere dangerous. I have only shouted a few times at him and the look on his face is enough to put me off ever hitting him. I was whacked with a dogs lead regularly as a child and and it didn’t stop me being a little shit.

So many perfect parents with perfect kids in this thread

Or lots of bollocks being chatted

You decide

I am just waiting for them to put a foot wrong. Can’t wait.

😈

Best comment of thread – made me laugh!

So many perfect parents with perfect kids in this thread

I don’t think anyone is saying they have perfect children, just that they have other ways to control them without resorting to hitting.

I do wonder about the mental well-being of a generation of children brought up with the stigma of being put on a naughty step or being put in isolationshut in their bedroom; mental punishment may be as damaging as physical punishment. Physical punishment may take other forms, not just slapping eg restraint, holding still to admonish a verbal assaulttelling-off, etc..

If a child is being punished, they need to understand why. It’s no good to just slap them, it’s no good to just scream at them.

A lot of parents need to just step back for a moment and consider why they are punishing a child – unfortunately it is more often because of their own frustrations, lack of time for the child, selfishness or even embarrassment rather than anything the child has actually done wrong.

A gentle slap in the right circumstances with a considered explanation of why does no harm IME; lashing out in anger just does harm and is wrong.

Just my thoughts.

I haven’t read all that. To answer the question – just on rare occasions, perhaps two or three times. Once was when he decided to run off from a crossing, sideways, into the traffic. The reaction was immediate, perhaps instinctive, and the event resolved safely and quickly. Under the circumstances calm and mature reasoning was not an option. And I believe that children are programmed to push the boundaries

Then there’s the other extreme: seeing and hearing a young mother saying to a pre-school child ‘Come here you little shit’. I feel that’s more deserving of attention and forum criticism.

Always turn pan handles away from the front of the cooker, folks. Make it an established habit now, you may need it later. Similarly keep electric leads tidy.

Smacking and hitting are different, I’m not so sure.
If you were slapping your husband or wife with intent to control behaviour it would be physical abuse.

Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn’t very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.

9 y/o boy and a 15 y/o girl. Never smacked, there are other sanctions. What I tried to do though was be consistent and set clear boundaries very early on. Really pisses me off to see parents laughing at their children misbehaving and laughing along until little Jack / Jill crosses the line and then the predictable smack comes along with prolonged verbal bollocking. Or indeed using the smack as the first sanction.

If you are comfortable with hitting your kids, that’s your choice. After all learned behaviour never did anyone any harm.

Surely punishment is punishment no matter what form it takes. Would you ‘punish’ your wife if she did something wrong. Is n’t that known as mental abuse.

Spare the rod and spoil the child, but then I have no kids and am rapidly becoming a curmudgeon these days…

psling you make an interesting point, I’m anti smacking myself, but am not really sure why when I think about it in more detail. I expect one of those road crossing type incidents will occur at some point and I may smack him, who knows. I wouldn’t want that making me a criminal though.

Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn’t very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.

I think it would help if the parents backed up the teachers, many are well out of control by the time they are going to reception, so the later streams of education have no hope in trying to get them back on track, when it isn’t backed up in the home. There are plenty of parents making comments of I didn’t do well at school and i’ve done all right, so you don’t need to bother son, heard it only earlier from a neighbour when his son passed the 11+ and they wouldn’t send him to grammar.

I don’t have kids, but is it ok for me to discipline other people’s kids by smacking them? I mean, if it’s fine for the parents then surely it’s ok for other people to get involved as well?

Mmm I see why there are so many awfully behaved children…

I did it once when my children were young but it traumatised me quite badly and didn’t seem to achieve any more than having my daughter treat me with distain . Didn’t work for me but both children have grown up well balanced and loving , I imagine smacked children , when they grow up won’t thank their parents for treating them in a way that is now illegal .

they wouldn’t send him to grammar.

That’s another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.

Very envious of all these perfect kids on here. I’ll swap you for 2 of the 3 foster kids we look after and see how long it takes before you want to ring there bloody necks. 😀

That’s another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.

Be interested to know your reasons.

I was utterly battered as a child and even spent a week in hospital.

I have no cautions, arrests for violence or criminal record and my last punch thrown was 20yrs ago. My last fight Intervention was 1yr ago.

I do however utterly dislike politicians of any sort. Sick of them.

The “antis” will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can’t tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.

All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.

FWIW, a couple of years ago, my daughter (now 17) asked “did you ever smack me as a child?”

Smacking children is a symbol of failed parenting!

what you want is a shock collar

Hitting is quite different, usually with intent to cause harm.

So describe for me exactly what the act of smacking entails. What is the dynamic and the experience (generally) of each involved? What precisely is the purpose of the act of smacking? Can a child smack another child? Can an adult smack another adult?

I’ll see your straw man and raise you another.

If it’s OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?

I agree largely with psling and would prefer not to and I can’t think of any reason to do so after they are 5 or 6.

onzadog – Those too are so badly behaved, I avoid going around his house

That was my reaction initially as well but I’ve been out for a bike ride now and I realised that in almost every case where there were poorly behaved children in families that were anti smacking the families actually didn’t appear to have any form of ‘end of game’ punishment that they were willing to enforce so rather than the lack of control being due to lack of smacking it was more due to lack of authority. There were lots of threats of ‘no ipods’ etc. but it was never enforced as that took a lot of energy and willpower.

Parenting can take a fair amount out of you

The “antis” will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can’t tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.

All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.

You seem confused. The anti’s children don’t need protecting from smacking/hitting.. Society is trying to protect children from poorly educated parents who have their blinkers well and truly on.
Just because mental/pshycological abuse is the same or worse why should that make any difference to banning smacking.

Education is the key.

I’ve smacked both my 5 and 3 year old boys from time to time. Most commonly because I’ve run out of patience but also in rare moments because they’ve done something so incredibly reckless that a short sharp shock was required. I’m not proud of it and normally ended up apologising to each child along the lines of “I’m sorry I smacked you but this is why I did”

MrsP is an infant school teacher and encourages me to find other ways – parenting is a continual learning curve!

That said, I don’t believe any lasting harm has been done. I’d rather have my my kids and their standard of behaviour than a lot of the ones I see out in public or at the Beaver group I help to run. And no, I don’t think it is ever OK to lay a punitive finger on other peoples kids and would go batshit crazy if anyone did to mine.

I’ll see your straw man and raise you another.

If it’s OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?

I toyed with the idea of putting a wink by my post but decided not to bother. 🙂

I was being facetious – however presumably no-one sees anything wrong with an adult giving someone else’s kid a verbal bollocking if they’ve been out of line and their parents aren’t around – just wondering where the line is?

Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home – are you in favour of its use in schools?

Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home – are you in favour of its use in schools?

No it’s not ok. But it’s still understandable for parents to resort to it with their own kids. I would expect better from childcare professionals….

Let’s turn this around.

My father was mentally ill and self-medicated with alcohol. When he was mentally unwell he beat me – but not at other times.

Not realising there was another way around this – aged fifteen I started to take a beating too many and turned on my father and beat him very badly. I did this several times until he left me alone and I was in control.

Needless to say, I am deeply ashamed.

In your eyes, was I wrong to smack my parent…?

Love the article ‘Politician with two grown up stepchildren tells an actual real parent what they SHOULD do’ 😆

Abit like ‘heating bills not our remit citizen so wear more jumpers’ advice.

One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault…so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?

One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault…so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?

Because as well as giving you a special insight/authority that non-parents don’t have, being a parent also gives you special rights (though some of these aren’t recognised in law for some reason).

God forbid you should ever criticise anything a parent does in relation to their children, even mildly. This is totally unacceptable.

Unless you are talking about poor people aka ‘chavs’, in which case criticise away.

😛

Going back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.

can’t tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse

It’s not the antis who can’t tell the difference!

Oh yes it is!
Well, it is the panto season 😀

I smacked both my boys when they were little on a few occassions when I judged it appropriate, once they passed about 5 or 6 I stopped. I’m a monster but a very happy one with two very happy little monters of my own.

I’m loving the smacking is hitting comments, yeah, of course it is.

Perhaps rather than banning smacking and spending cash on enforcing an unenforcible law, they would be better to spend the cash on parenting lessons:

That way, the smackers will understand not smacking isn’t akin to acts of water boarding or mental cruelty, and the anti-smackers will understand smacking does not necessarily equate to physical abuse.

We’ve chosen not to smack. I was smacked, my wife wasn’t. Our kids are well behaved. I hope that I keep control and never feel it is my only option.

The govt should focus on other areas of child welfare. Smacking and abuse are already covered.

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