Last night in our local Co-op as I grabbed some milk I disturbed a guy stuffing packets of bacon down the front of his trousers. He looked like a poor soul, possibly drunk. We exchanged glances, he looked sheepish, I looked however you look when you discover someone doing something mildly illegal and possibly shameful. He hurried off, did a lap of the aisles, saw me again, looked guilty and disappeared from sight.

I couldn’t think of anything to say off the cuff that would make a difference and I didn’t see how telling tales would help him.

In an unrelated incident following a race today I saw a guy with a lipstick kiss surrounded by names tattooed on each butt cheek so it’s been a confusing weekend for me already.

I crave other peoples views on both these incidents.

Back when I worked in CRC a local who I know to be a liar and a scrote took a load of knee pads into the changing rooms. I made the security guard and retail manager aware of my concerns and the general concensus was that it wasn’t actually worth the risk of pursuing said individual as the security guard wasn’t actually insured to tackle or stop people. I offered to detain and/or strangle him but this seemed somehow not the done thing.

Said scrote emerged from the changing rooms with very puffy looking knees, proceeded to do laps of the shop and then walk out to shrugged shoulders and resigned disinterest from management and security.

Don’t worry about it.

Don’t worry about it.

I’m not. I do find it interesting though. The tattoo on the other hand scares the shit out of me. 😉

Spin – Member

The tattoo on the other hand scares the shit out of me.

Was it the tatoo or the buttocks which you found frightening? Can you describe them to me in more detail?

Can you describe them to me in more detail?

I was a little afraid to stare as it was in the showers following a running race so I’m sure you’ll forgive my lack of detail. It seemed to be the same lipstick shape on each cheek but different names.

Edit: The buttocks were unremarkable.

Don’t worry about it.

Good to know, there’s a set of Castelli and a cube CX bike I’ve been eyeing up for a few weeks now.

I disturbed a guy stuffing packets of bacon down the front of his trousers.

Ham burglar?

Reminds me of when Private Eye found out celebrity chef Anthony Worall Thomsan had been done for shoplifting.

The next day’s proposed menu at his restaurant was

Salad Nickoise
Beefburglars
Fish (light)fingers
Cheese stuffed in jacket 😀
Collar of lamb
Stollen
Porridge.

Ham burglar?

Biffins Bacon.

Had the opppsite today. Sainsburys charged us for a lemon which we didn’t buy. My wife refused to go back for the 35p.

If I stole a lemon sainsburys would be after me. I’m already crazing a lemon on the side of a cocktail.

jonnyboi – Member

Good to know, there’s a set of Castelli and a cube CX bike I’ve been eyeing up for a few weeks now.

I have another story about a bike being stolen…..

I couldn’t think of anything to say off the cuff that would make a difference and I didn’t see how telling tales would help him.

You could have just told him to put the bacon back.
I’ve said this to people I’ve seen shoplifting. They always do but I’ve no doubt they carry on stealing once the coast is clear 🙁

You could have just told him to put the bacon back.

Is it possible that I’ve bought and eaten bacon that has been down a scrote’s joggers?

What other crimes do you consider to be “mildly illegal” ?

What other crimes do you consider to be “mildly illegal” ?

And which are the work of the devil? Stealing quorn? Can only be a Sharia law punishment for that kind of behaviour…

I saw something fairly similar in a wh smiths. Told the kid “you’re shit at this, put it back and **** off” and he did, looking really embarassed. Can’t say I know if that was right or not, he really was rubbish though so if he was doing it a lot he’d get caught again soon enough.

Don’t worry about it. These supermarkets steal money from the taxpayer by running profits through offshore tax schemes, thus creating an unequal society where folk are reduced to stealing food.

Swings and roundabouts.

You could have just told him to put the bacon back.

Can we get some clarification? Was it back or streaky?

Devash don’t talk nonsense. The OP was talking about the CO OP, who have held the ‘fair tax mark’ since 2015. Theft is theft and is not ok in my book. By your logic let’s all go and rob Lewis Hamilton cos that’s ok, he has been shifty with his taxes………

I’ve in marks and Spencer’s and a women just got a bottle of cordial off a shelf and walked out the door. I went and told the staff who were less than interested.

I reported a guy stuffing the second bottle of jack daniels into his jacket.

No one should have to drink that filth.

The best one though was the small child who grabbed the hood of its buggy and yanked it. Cue one very sheepish mother picking all the stuff up off the floor and…. Hiding it back in the hood and walking off.

I had the same apart from it was a lady putting bacon down her skirt, didn’t fall out so I assume it was being held in her knickers.

I told security and they decided to hide and lie in wait until she had left without paying.

Anyway 6 security guards jumped out and caught her at the door

It was an ‘ham-bush

Two women in burqas were spotted stealing 14 tubs of baby formula in my wife’s store.

They had a hoop/secret compartment in the burqas, police found the boot of their car full of formula.

It’s technically not stealing until they leave the premises.

Maybe he’d just forgotten to pick up a basket on his way in and his trousers were the next best alternative?

Many years ago spotted an auld dear stuffing newspapers onto her shopping bag whilst I was getting my Motoring News, we exchanged smiles…
Daughter worked in a restaurant and a high street clothes shop. The restaurant was on the first floor of an old mill, the toilets on the ground floor. Due to its location in town the toilets had a blue/drugs light fitted to dissuade the dealers etc from using it. The police also had a folder of known dealers/druggies which they shared with chose who worked in the restaurant. For whatever reason this info was not shared with the high street shops??
Anyway, one day a know(to daughter)scrote and friends came into the clothes shop, select a few items and made for the changing rooms. Daughter informed shop manager, explains why she was suspicious. Manager called police who sent some plain clothes guys onto high street. Daughter was instructed to “take a break” , go outside and sit on one of the benches nearby. When the “suspects” came out of the shop she was to give a signal to the police who then followed and apprehended them. Sure enough they had secreted some, if not all of the garments taken into the changing rooms.
On another occasion having just finished work she was walking down the street when she heard a commotion behind her, a scrote being chased by a Bobbie. For whatever reason he tried to snatch her hand bag!!! She kept a hold of it, pushed him and tripped him up by hooking his ankle with her foot, just as the Bobbie caught up. His comment being “well done, bit brave”. However she knew he was a druggie and would be high as a kite. Asked if she wanted to press charges she said no, you’ll just let him out again and he’ll be waiting to try again!!! He was know to her and others. Bobbie said ” your probably right”…,
Then there was the time when at uni one of her neighbours was “the local dealer” a “customer” of his was threatening her in the street. He spotted the altercation, grabbed the girl by the neck and warned her and her friends never to approach daughter again if the new what was good for them!!!! If it wasn’t for his waybof life he was actually a decent bloke…
Then when she worked in the nearbyboff licence she/ the shop was robbed!!!!!!
2 towns, similar experiences.
Now a teacher and in contact with many parents who have chosen (brought up on the same way!!??)the tough way of life

andy4d – Member
By your logic let’s all go and rob Lewis Hamilton cos that’s ok, he has been shifty with his taxes………

Some guys in Brazil beat us all to that one. 😀

Years back me and a mate had security following us round Tragos for ages so we pretended to change price labels on several items (they stock check off internal department codes on the label not bar codes).

Having paid we got collared by the same security looking pretty damn smug. She didn’t look so smug when all the prices and codes tallied.. The mixture of fury and embarrassment on her face was almost beautiful.

I was once followed very conspicuously round ASDA by their security guard. Like, really overtly – I noticed him easily and I’m usually oblivious to such things. He got particularly twitchy when I was in the alcohol section.

It transpired, a mate of mine who worked there had spotted me come in and ‘tipped off’ the guard that I was a known shoplifter, particularly bottles of booze. The little sod.

Like, really overtly

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1Y5YkClPiI[/video]

It’s technically not stealing until they leave the premises.

Depends which part of the UK, it can be stealing in Scotland as soon as you lift it off the shelf. And it makes it much easier to grab the scrotes as a bundle of you do it in store.

Technically it’s stealing as soon as you take hold of the item intending to steal it in England and Wales too. It’s only because some smart arse back in the sixties/seventies came up with a defence that they hadn’t yet passed the tills so the intent to steal wasn’t as easy to prove, especially in supermarkets.