Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 96 total)
  • Shite joke thread
  • samuri
    Free Member

    I took a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes out last week. We had such a good time I phoned her last night to see if she fancied going out again but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

    Too blokes walk into a pub and get served. While they’re waiting for their drinks one notices a strip of green tarmac sat in the corner staring at him.
    “WTF are you looking at?” he demands.
    “Oh Christ, don’t start on him” his mates pleads, “He’s a cyclepath.”

    I went into a butchers the other day and bet the owner that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf.
    “I can’t take that bet” he said, “The steaks are too high.”

    BillMC
    Full Member

    What’s the difference between oral and anal?

    One can make your whole day, the other can make your whole week.

    BigButSlimmerBloke
    Free Member

    Two elephants fall off a cliff- BOOM, BOOM!

    One elephant was carrying a drum kit – ba-dum tish

    yup, that’s my coat

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middling Edition

    Fresh Goods Friday 696: The Middlin...
    Latest Singletrack Videos

    I saw an AA man sitting in his truck with his head in his hands and crying.

    I think he was heading for a breakdown.

    toab
    Free Member

    I’ve got an Irish mate who doesn’t have much luck with the ladies, so he got an inflatable one. I asked him how he was getting on with her and he said “it was all right, but I gave a love bite and she farted and flew out of the window”

    (boom, tish, coat)

    Kevsterjw
    Free Member

    An iron pub? Rofl

    Kevsterjw
    Free Member

    What do you do if you find a trumpet growing in your scottish garden?

    You root it ooot!

    Olly
    Free Member

    Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?

    …. Dr Dre

    😳

    possibly may get me modded, but one of my favorites.
    (my other favorites DEFINTALY would get me modded

    slugwash
    Free Member

    As a seasonal gesture the Tampax factory are currently
    replacing all the string on their tampons with tinsel…
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    ……but only for the Christmas period.

    .
    .
    .

    Don’t worry, I’m not here all week….

    ….I’ve got to drive down to Sussex after Boxing Day 😉

    ryan_c
    Full Member

    What’s grey and comes in pints? …. an elephant

    What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?….. swim

    What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?….wipe it off and apologise.

    RobHilton
    Free Member

    Knock-knock

    ryan_c
    Full Member

    who’s there?

    RobHilton
    Free Member

    Pile up

    ryan_c
    Full Member

    pile up who

    RobHilton
    Free Member

    Immature no?
    The demand was for shite jokes after all – something more erudite/geeky…

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who can count binary and those who can’t.

    bellerophon
    Free Member

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who can count binary and those who can’t

    Very good

    BigButSlimmerBloke
    Free Member

    You know we were so poor I had to wear my sister’s hand me downs.
    It was hard, but I dragged myself up and out of there.

    tazzymtb
    Full Member

    how do you know if you’ve passed an elephant?

    the toilet won’t flush properly

    I asked my boss if I could leave half an hour early the other day.
    He said, ” Only if you make up the time.”
    I said, ” OK. It’s 35 past 50.”

    What do you call a man who’s been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder?
    These are good crackers, aren’t they? Who bought these?

    RobHilton
    Free Member

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world; those who can count binary and those who can’t

    Very good

    It gets better (depending on POV)…

    There 10 kinds of people in the world – those who can count ternary, those who can’t and those who mistake it for binary

    hilarious stuff 🙂

    buzz-lightyear
    Free Member

    The world`s untidiest man has sadly just died. His body is now lying in a state.

    Ronnie B

    BigButSlimmerBloke
    Free Member

    Aren’t there 10 types of people in the world – those who understand quaternary, those who don’t, those who mistake it for binary and those who find this sort of thing amusing?

    backhander
    Free Member

    Merry christmas everyone. Sorry it’s early, I suffer from premature congratulations.

    Raindog
    Free Member

    I got very upset in the petrol station earlier. I don’t know why, I just started filling up.

    julianwilson
    Free Member

    my favourite crap joke is too long to bother typing (or you reading!) but it ends with ‘Fish Chimps and Mushy Bees’.

    Here it is.

    I was riding my bike across the playing fields of the local Islamic school yesterday when someone shot at me with a starting pistol.

    The police think the incident may be race related.

    Everybody knows that crocodiles can swim better than humans.
    What’s not so well known is that an adult crocodile can run pretty fast on dry land too.
    So if you’re ever up against a crocodile in a triathlon, you’d better be good on a bike.

    RobHilton
    Free Member

    Aren’t there 10 types of people in the world – those who understand quaternary, those who don’t, those who mistake it for binary and those who find this sort of thing amusing?

    Nope, there are 2 kinds of people in the world; those who think there are 2 kinds of people in the world and those who don’t 😆

    norcbot
    Free Member

    found mr whippy on the floor of his ice cream van earlyer, he was covered in flakes and henreds and thousends.

    we soon realised he had topped himself.

    KT1973
    Free Member

    I think I’ve solved the Joanna Yeates murder enquiry:
    Who could sneak into your house without causing a disturbance?
    Silently abduct you and knock you unconscious without leaving a mark?
    And has a penchant for pizza?
    I’ll bet it’s those **** Ninja Turtles!
    .
    .
    Too soon?

    PeteG55
    Free Member

    Quite possibly kt1973.

    DrJ
    Full Member

    Went to the doctor and told him I keep thinking I’m Tom Jones.
    “Well,” he said, “it’s not unusual”.

    rossi46
    Free Member

    My mate drowned in a bowl of museli the other day- he was pulled in by a strong currant….

    Euro
    Free Member

    My racing snail wasn’t winning anymore so I decided to take his shell off, reduce his weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t work. If anything it made him more sluggish.

    carlossal
    Free Member

    A group of chess players were sat talking after a tournament at the Ritz. Each enjoyed giving details of their best game of the tournament. Suddenly the manager came over and ordered them out of the hotel. One asked him why and his reply was

    I can’t stand Chess Nuts Boasting In An Open Foyer

    tthew
    Full Member

    Did you hear about the two gay ghosts?
    They kept putting the willies up each other.

    vinnyeh
    Full Member

    Priest checks into a hotel and asks reception “I hope porn channel is disabled”.
    Reception guy replies “nah just normal you sicko”

    rossi46
    Free Member

    My new years resolution for 2010 was to stop sniffing glue….So far, I’ve stuck to it…..I’ll try again in 2011.

    rossi46
    Free Member

    I just opened my freezer and saw a little alien having a ****. I said, “What the hell are you doing?” He said, “I cum in peas”.

    clipper68
    Free Member

    I went to a fishmongers and asked for a large haddock.
    “Ok” he said, “wont be long”
    “Better be bl**dy wide then!” I said

    viv
    Free Member

    Denzildoorknob – Member
    mY LOCAL FAMILY BUTCHER’S SELLING EIGHT VENISON LEGS FOR £49.99……

    Does anyone think that’s too dear?

    wow, bet they’re quick! Don’t know why people want to mess around with genetics, – sick.

    Doe…..

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 96 total)

The topic ‘Shite joke thread’ is closed to new replies.