My long-term girlfriend and I are currently saving all our money (well, I’m saving all mine, she has a horrible habit for buying shoes) to buy a house. We’ve been going out for ages (8yrs) and both know we’re going to get married at some point. Once we’ve moved into our house, it would be useful to get married as we could get all our stuff (toasters, plates e.t.c.) as wedding presents. How useful! I’d make sure it was romantic and everything and not just a marriage because we need a toaster, as that’s a rubbish idea.

With all this saving (I have around £150 left each month for spending) it would take me forever to buy a ring (or at least one that she would want – she’s a little materialistic and likes her expensive items)(aren’t I using a lot of brackets?).

My mum has said I can have her engagement ring, which I think is quite touching although my mum and dad are now divorced. My worry is that my girlfriend may see this as ‘doing it on the cheap’ as I wouldn’t have to fork out any money! What do you think? I don’t really want to ask her opinion. as that would ruin the surprise, and I don’t want to get it wrong as said girlfriend is also a bit of a princess and I know this is really important to her (probably too important to get my answer from STW!)

The main diamond in the ring is huge and the ring was valued at over 3k several years ago. If I were to buy a ring it would cost much less than this. Should a buy a dummy ring to propose with then give her the option of having my mum’s straight away or saving for years for one from a shop? Should I keep the diamond and get a new ring made to fit it? (it’s gold and she only has silver/white gold jewellery. Would this be massively expensive?). Should I propose with it anyway and hope she likes it?

Why aren’t guys this complicated? Gays have it so easy!

I quite like the idea of taking the stone and having it reset into a ring of your (and her’s maybe) choosing. It retains the original sentiment from your Mother and yet also is a new ring. Win Win and cheap 😀 BINGO

A ring with a history is a lovely thing. Just do it!

Propose somewhere special to both of you, even if it’s the Pizza Hut where you first kissed or something

I’d agree that a quaility ring with history is a lovely thing. However, if she’s that much of a princess and clearly prefers silver colours to gold, getting the stone reset sounds like a good bet. just check your mum isn’t going to be put out by this idea 9or you’ll be battered by a different princess). Maybe contact G H Moore in Birmingham and get it set in aircraft grade titanium. It’s silver in colour, hypoallergenic, tough, doesn’t need replating like white gold, signifies your love of bikes (and it’s cheap compared to precious metals).

I’m a bit surprised to find you a sentimental bunch! I’m leaning towards the having it reset option tbh. Depending on cost, I’m also thinking of having the ‘left overs’ into a new ring as a thank-you to my mum. Everyone’s a winner!

Another vote here to have it re-set. Apprearances matter to the ladies and although she’ll appreciate the history of the rock, she won’t appreciate the look of the ring as much if she has a preference for silver/platinum colour over gold.

For our engagement, I surprised my missus with the diamond but then let her decide on the design of the ring. We got it made by a jeweller in my hometown rather than some high street store, to add a bit of local sentimentality to the story. (I think it was about £500 to have it set in platinum.) She ended up with something that she really likes to look at, as well as appreciate the meaning behind it.

Just throwing this out as something to consider, but isn’t there a chance your girlfriend will feel there’s some history attached to the ring if your parents are divorced now? If that’s not an issue, then having it re-set, assuming it’s a quality stone as it sounds to be, is a great idea. Either way, all the best. 😀

Make sure you get her one, I am engaged and have been for nearly 2 years now before my GF thought rings were a stupid waste of money then I asked her and I havn’t heard the end of it. Might get her one as a wedding present.

Plan B might be to take a gamble that house prices will crash spectacularly and use the house deposit!!

Does she have a sister/mum/friend you can ask?

Ask for advice, I mean, not ask to marry them!

For our engagement, I surprised my missus with the diamond but then let her decide on the design of the ring.

Now that is a cool idea – my lady (who I would eventually like to marry even though we’re together for a long time & have kids) doesn’t wear rings and I would have no idea how to discreetly find out her finger size… Buying a ‘bare’ diamond would resolve that issue nicely…

ring history – divorce. i recon you’ve no chance there. i know my missus wouldnt want it and she’s not particularly superstitious.

propose without a ring and get one designed to her taste. women are fickle beasts.

hte cost of the ring should be immaterial really. its the offer of marriage she will appreciate (hopefully). obviously its got to look nice but you should know what sort of stuff she likes and she wont ask for a reciept.

we didnt go for a big rock as she didnt want to scratch any future nippers with the lump and she wanted to wear it all the time.

ml – I have wondered about this, but getting it remade would probably be enough

konabunny – I may ask her sister, but I think she’ll be as non-plussed as I am!

Any suggestions for jewellers who may be able to do this sort of thing in Manchester or nearby?

Get the stone reset, that would be lovely. You need to speak to sheldona’s mrs, she’s a jeweller.

I got engaged at the end of March. I took her to pick the ring herself, and left the occasion up to me. She didn’t care about the cost of the ring, even though it was quite expensive! I paid a 40% deposit and pay the rest interest free over 24 months which I think is a fair deal.

I took her to the first place we kissed, and she said yes 😉

The proposal is very important imo. It’s a memory to be treasured.

Anyway back to the ring. Does she really need one?
when we got married I was given an extra special wedding ring. Maybe you could do the same. Maybe one day I’ll get an engagement ring.
I was just happy with the man. 😀

A ring is definately required – as I mentioned above, she’s a bit of a princess and everything will have to be exactly perfect. I think for her one of the main points is that all her lady friends can gather round and cluck about the lovely ring. No ring = no clucking = unhappy fiancee :o(

“konabunny – I may ask her sister, but I think she’ll be as non-plussed as I am!”

Better than nothing. Also, the sister can initiate a conversation about it (THEY ALL KNOW HOW!!!) and report back to you.

hmm, I underestimated female espionage!

I like the idea of getting the diamond reset. You can sell it to her that she can have it designer / custom / exactly how she wants it.

I also like the idea that you can have something else made for your mum too!

As for the materialistic side of things…I would like to think I’m not one of those girls at all, unless a bike is involved, but presented with the prospect of a shiny pretty sparkly thing to keep forever I was completely totally girly about it…imagine if someone said to you that you could only have one bike for the rest of your life?

It seems a shame though really – you want to do the right thing but it sounds like your SO is more interested in looking like (and showing that) she is doing the expensive thing.

Will there be doves and horse-drawn carriages at the wedding?

😉

It is weird that I think this, because I’m a bit anti rings in general, but the idea of giving someone a ring that is going spare because your mum got divorced seems a bit unromantic. Although I guess I wouldn’t think it was strange to buy a second hand / ‘vintage’ ring from a shop, and I guess they get there for exactly the same reasons (and are worth apparently about 10% of the price you’d pay for them new).

Joe

you want to do the right thing but it sounds like your SO is more interested in looking like (and showing that) she is doing the expensive thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I paint her as a bit of a monster, but it’s in jest really. I know she’d at least pretend to be happy with whatever I did, but I also know that she wants a bit of a fairy tale.

giving someone a ring that is going spare because your mum got divorced seems a bit unromantic.

that’s exactly the problem. I’m not sure if she’d see it as a cheap cop-out or if (like in Spiderman) it’s actually go down quite well.

She’s not against vintage rings per se as her mum got her a nice vintage ring for her 21st birthday which she loves. I’m just not sure if this particular vintage ring, which I got for free, would be right and whether she’d love the fact that I want her to have an antique ring that’s important to my family or whether she’d be put off by the more recent divorce related history.

play it safe and you have no worries.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I paint her as a bit of a monster, but it’s in jest really. I know she’d at least pretend to be happy with whatever I did, but I also know that she wants a bit of a fairy tale.

That’s okay then!

I must admit I do like the re-setting of the original stone if both your mum and your SO agree to that. But then I am a bloke so have simple thoughts compared to our female counterparts, whom I still sometimes struggle to understand.

I think the idea of resetting the stone is pretty good.
Not that near Manchester, but Form Bespoke jewellers in Leeds would probably undertake that kind of work and I can’t recommend them highly enough. My girlfriend didn’t own, let alone wear any rings and doesn’t have that much other jewellery, but armed with a necklace and some earrings to try and demonstrate what she does like, the guy in the shop (well, more a workshop really) helped me pick what has turned out to be the perfect engagement ring.
I think what my girlfriend really likes about it is the fact that the jeweller designed it specifically for her, with a bit of input from me!. It is pretty much unique (as much as a diamond with silver coloured ring can be) and I think that coupled with my input is what makes her so pleased with it.
So, I think the personal touch, whatever that may be, is what will make her feel the princess you say she is.
One other thing – if it is unique, it can’t be compared easily, a good thing in my opinion.