Shared houses – Dumb things housemates do..

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  • Shared houses – Dumb things housemates do..
  • clubber
    Member

    My first year at Uni, in halls, one of my neighbours was a very quiet guy called Adam who was into bell ringing and looked like Adrian Mole. That was about all I ever found out about him as we never saw him. We once saw his Mum come to visit and she looked pretty odd too. I snuck into his room once when the clearers were hoovering and it was like no one lived in it – immaculate other than a timetable stuck next to the desk. Nothing else visible to show that anyone actually lived in the room.

    Apparently he liked the Enigma album that I used to listen to though 🙂

    The sleeping with the others girlfriend must be common.

    Mate was pretty upset when it happened to him. Then more so whenit turned out she was pregnant and kept the kid. Almost beyong reconciliation when it turned out the father or the kid was gay.

    I was at uni for give or take 10years so have forgotten most of eth stupid things butthis is bringing them back like a bloated, fetid corpse of memories.

    clubber
    Member

    I recall one girl who was sleeping with two of her male housemates, neither of which knew about it happening with the other. Quite often pretty much one straight after the other 😯 as it turned out eventually when everyone found out and they compared notes…

    Trimix
    Member

    We had a chap that always peed in his sink instead of the loo. It didnt really matter much as we each had a sink in our rooms (Uni halls of residence).

    But one night we decided it would be fun to remove the “U” bend from his sink and not tell him.

    benman
    Member

    One genius in my halls of residence discovered that the security peep holes in the doors could be unscrewed and reversed. Cue the peep holes being reversed on any hot girls doors…

    johndoh
    Member

    My first year at Uni, in halls, one of my neighbours was a very quiet guy called Adam who was into bell ringing and looked like Adrian Mole. That was about all I ever found out about him as we never saw him. We once saw his Mum come to visit and she looked pretty odd too. I snuck into his room once when the clearers were hoovering and it was like no one lived in it – immaculate other than a timetable stuck next to the desk. Nothing else visible to show that anyone actually lived in the room.

    With almost complete certainty, he will be in prison right now for murdering his parents or defiling rabbits. Or something like that.

    Premier Icon phil40
    Subscriber

    Had a housemate who was very quiet and polite, I almost felt sorry for him as the other three of us were working hard on discovering just how debauched you could be in the early/mid 90’s! It was when he sold all of his possessions apart from a few clothes and painted his room white (including the mirror) that we thought something might be up! He would boil garlic in water and then drink it telling us it was a healthy remedy.

    clubber
    Member

    He would boil garlic in water and then drink it telling us it was a healthy remedy.

    To be fair, he was probably right on that…

    Premier Icon ir_bandito
    Subscriber

    Nothing too bad for me, except a flat-mate addiced to porn. Before the days of broadband, the phone extension line would dissappear into his room most nights when he thought we’d all gone to bed, then denied everything on the itemised phone bill…

    A mate shared a house with 7 others, mixed girls and blokes. One of the girls was his girlfirend when they all moved in, but he got fedup with her demands (she was overly keen on the backdoor) so split with her. She promptly went mental, stealing all the post so no bills were seen or paid for months. When she was eventually thrown out, every wardrobe had a pint-glass of piss with a used tampon in it…

    Premier Icon phil40
    Subscriber

    Quite possibly, but we were willing to risk disease, for at least a chance of being able to entice a woman back to our house! He reeked of garlic!

    Thankfully it seems that lots of girls at uni had low enough standards that we were not without companions!

    freeagent
    Member

    bit more proof that girls can be filthy (and not in the way you want them to be)
    I lived with a very posh (and well sexy) girl from Wilmslow when I was at Uni. Her folks obviously had a cleaner etc at home as she had no concept of housework or basic cleaning. She used to cook foul smelling cheesy tuna pasta (she was a crap cook) and leave half eaten saucepans of the stuff locked in her room when she went home for weekends and reading weeks.
    She also used to dye her hair with Hena in the bath, but never wash the bath afterwards, hence our bath looked like somebody had been beheaded in it.

    …however all this was forgiven when we were invited to watch her in a trampolining competition… and we learned why Mankind developed the sports bra.

    Another guy in the same house used to grill frozen Pork chops straight from the freezer, and wonder why they were still icy in the middle when he ate them.

    The more I think about it, the more I realise how many Tw*ts there are out there!

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    A lad I used to live with got one of the other lads involved in regularly servicing his girlfriend for him. She was very demanding, to say the least. Actually…. she was absolutely bonkers.

    Thinking about it… stuff like this used to elicit not even the batting of an eye-lid when we were at Uni. On reflection, this may have had something to do with industrial scale drug consumption

    freeagent
    Member

    binners – Member
    On reflection, this may have had something to do with industrial scale drug consumption

    I think a lot of things that went on at Uni in the 1990s had something to do with industrial scale drug consumption.
    It certainly did in our house.

    hammerite
    Member

    Thinking back to university days, it’s quite alarming how many people started the year quiet, polite and reserved, but at the end of the first year went away completing no work, dreadlocked, broke, never returning for the 2nd year.

    No industrial scale 90s drug consumption in our houses. We did move next to a Lidl store though, which meant a permanent supply of 25p a can Excelsior lager. So good you could taste the metal.

    During the Easter break whilst everyone else had gone home for a week or two Mrs Mw’s former housemate ran out of toilet paper, but rather than buy some from the shop approximately 5 doors away he used torn up newspaper instead.

    Then just to compound his stupidity, once he’d completely blocked the upstairs loo rather than think ‘this didn’t work, maybe I should sort this out’ he just starts using the downstairs loo in the same manner until that was blocked too. Don’t know what he did after that but he left them both blocked with sh!t and newspaper.

    Premier Icon bruk
    Subscriber

    One of my friends at uni shared a house with my girlfriend. He was very frugal. Always the last to buy a round and head home after 3 pints if 4 of you were out.

    He was very keen on saving electricity and 1 Easter he turned of the electric at the mains as he left. He hadn’t however emptied the fridge or freezer and when his flatmates returned they found the chicken to be green and battering at the door to get out. Best of all he didn’t do this just once but 3 times. I would have killed him. No compensation for food lost either.

    He once sat on the sofa in the kitchen and £0.37 dropped out of his pocket. His flatmates put it in the kitty but he spent ages looking for it afterwards.

    One of my flatmates broke his wrist liberating some beer from a party. Bugger was we had a rota of 1 person cooks, 1 washes up and 1 had a night off. Cue raiding the farm department for some rectal gloves so he could still wash up. We did enjoy the beer though.

    Another flatmates after a drinking session disappeared. We found him asleep in his chair so put the duvet over him. He woke in the night. Couldn’t find the way out if the room and proceeded to open the 3 rd storey window. Stand on a trunk and pee out the wide open window that he could easily have fallen out of, then strip naked and took himself to bed where he lay freezing because he couldn’t find his duvet or remember to close the window.

    Many more including some of my own.

    jekkyl
    Member

    There’s whole years of my life I can’t remember, lost in the smoke of the sunlight through drawn curtains.

    Premier Icon tinman66
    Subscriber

    Had a mate who was on the wrong course at uni for a whole year. It was only when he went to register for his second year and he put his course title down that they told him he’d not been studying what he thought he was.

    He did do a lot of drugs. He ran up the hill to the house one night convinced he was being chased my tiny penguins. Turns out he’d run by a Guinness advert with loads of small pints on it.

    Him and a friend would also lay their bed sheets out in the kitchen, dress in those white karate/Judo outfits and then beat merry hell out of each other. It made great entertainment.

    Premier Icon spawnofyorkshire
    Subscriber

    in halls we had a death metal fan (nicest bloke you’ll ever meet) next door to a devout christian (studying evolutionary biology – didn’t believe in evolution though 🙄 )
    God botherer kept trying to save death metallers soul and one day knocked on his door to get him to turn the music down. Death metaller cheerful asks him to come in god boy is presented with metalhead happily shagging some random girl up the wrong’un. God boy politely declined the offer to join in

    another bloke in halls was one of those 30yr olds still on his first degree types. Absolutely mental and brilliant company but you had to know the point to just walk away from him for the rest of the night. He once walked into our flat saw a full bottle of whisky and a can of lighter gas of the table. He necked half the whisky, then huffed half the lighter gas then just left for the night as if nothing had happened 😯
    Another time he was off his face on coke and schrooms (interesting combo) in the middle of the afternoon and walking into his corridor decided that the lad in front of him was the devil and he was going to kill him and rid the world of evil. Lad ends up jumping out of a 2nd storey window to escape breaking his leg and arm in the process. It took 6 policemen to arrest my mad mate. How he wasn’t thrown out of uni I don’t know

    Premier Icon unknown
    Subscriber

    Had a flatmate who once woke up, prepared and ate a full loaf of eggy bread then went back to bed. That gluttony was his entire day’s activity. He was also fond of eating 24 packs of space raiders in one sitting. Was very skinny too, but I bet he’s massive now.

    Same guy was comically accident prone. He broke a toe seeing how high he could kick a door, didn’t learn his lesson and pulled his groin attempting to kick a light fitting and my personal favourite, cut himself on a microwave. We moved once and took bets on when he’d first hurt himself in the new flat. We all lost – he injured himself on the door on the way

    Another guy that shat himself in a taxi and left a trail of nutty brown foot ans hand prints from the front door to the shower.

    One flat we didn’t take the bins out for about 6 months, we turned a huge cupboard into the bin room. When we finally cleared it out the contents of the bags at the bottom had decomposed to bin soup. That flat was fumigated after we left.

    We used to stay up all night with empty pizza boxes on the floor waiting for the mice to come out for their pizza.

    Premier Icon crazy-legs
    Subscriber

    A guy in my flat (first year uni) went almost the entire year without washing any of his clothes. He just bought more. Every few weeks he’d come back from the shops with huge bags of more clothes: really nice shirts, expensive jeans, more shoes. He’d wear them a few times, then they’d get squashed into his wardrobe and the process would be repeated.

    Eventually (when his credit cards were all maxed out), he got a load of bin bags and enlisted our help to get it all to the launderette. Took 5 of us each doing 2 trips with full bin bags to move all his clothes to the laundry. He then spent all day in there taking up every single machine. 😯

    He’d run up £10,000 debt on credit cards in one year buying clothes. And his room stank of stale sweaty clothes…

    lemonysam
    Member

    Went into my housemate’s room (with permission) to grab some of the ridiculous amount of accumulated crockery stashed there. Was somewhat perturbed to discover an impressive arrangement of evidently well used and not well cleaned sex toys sat in the mugs we’d been searching the house for. I was happy enough to give most a good washing up but never again used the one which had contained the crusty anal beads.

    This is a thread which clearly indicates that I have led a very sheltered life (no uni for me, oh no)
    However since joining the prison service my eyes have been opened a bit!

    My first year at Uni, in halls, one of my neighbours was a very quiet guy called Adam who was into bell ringing and looked like Adrian Mole. That was about all I ever found out about him as we never saw him. We once saw his Mum come to visit and she looked pretty odd too. I snuck into his room once when the clearers were hoovering and it was like no one lived in it – immaculate other than a timetable stuck next to the desk. Nothing else visible to show that anyone actually lived in the room.

    With almost complete certainty, he will be in prison right now for murdering his parents or defiling rabbits. Or something like that.

    Hang on…now you mention it…

    meehaja
    Member

    Nick. Nick was (still is) a top bloke. One of the nicest guys you could meet, but was an adventurous drunk.

    Fell from the cathedral tower whilst free climbing drunk, had to be rescued by the fire service, whilst in the ambulance the girl he was with asaulted the crew and was arrested. Nick wouldn’t tell the police his name, and got told “come on son, your girlfriend is in the cells, whats your name?” His relpy “thats not my girlfriend she’s just some random that got on the ambulance, i though she was fit so i didn’t complain”.

    Whilst recovering from a broken leg following the above incident, nick had to jump out of a first floor window after “entertaining” a lady at a house party that her boyfriend was at.

    whilst taking nick out for a walk (he was too drunk to stay in the flat after having a fight with the fridge) we went to the petrol station for cigs. He filled a basket with crisps, biscuits, cakes and porn. got to the counter, threw it all at the cashier, then threw his wallet at the cashier and went out onto the forecourt to “drink petrol”.

    On the walk back from the petrol station he climbed the ivy growing up the front of a four storey block of flats, tapped on a window and got invited in for a cup of tea by some students.

    The last big night out we had before he had a bit of a breakdown, sold his posessions and went surfing for a month lasted for four days. I found him unconcious on the sofa, managed to get him to bed but noticed hi jean had done that awkward twisty thing and he didn’t look comfortable, so being a good mate, I tried to get his jeans off for him. We got them as far as his ankles, but his boxers kept riding down so we gave up. He woke up in the night, got up for a drink and prompty fell over as his legs were tied together, next morning he rather sheepishly asked if he’d come home alone, as his trousrs were round his ankles but he couldn’t remember why?

    I really need to call nick, we need a good session!

    freeagent
    Member

    On reflection, and having grown up in the 80’s, and gone to Uni in the early 90’s I did some monumentally stupid things.
    It is a miracle that I, and some of the mates I did those things with are all still here!

    cfinnimore
    Member

    If you know what “hotboxing” is, you’ll know that it is unwise to arrange a party with that concept at its core.

    “Hello officer.”

    “We’ve had some complaints from the surrounding pre..mi..s.e.s”

    billowbillowbillowbillow “IT’S SAUSAGES, SAUSAGES”

    Ahhhhhh, Freshers.

    paddy0091
    Member

    haha, just spent a good while reading through all the posts. Some brilliant stories, some hilarious and some damn sick!!

    😆

    I don’t think anything I got upto was half that bad

    Although there’s probably someone on another forum moaning about the number of bikes in the house.

    One housemate had a (not very good way with) girls, one of many came back, then 15 minutes later came running down the stairs crying, she spent the rest of the night crying in her car (too drunk to drive) untill her brother and dad drove up from birmingham (to sheffield) to collect her. He went back to bed, leaving us three blokes to make an attempt at explaining the situation to two angry brummies.

    Kevevs
    Member

    haha love petty stuff.

    had a place in 2nd year, whole lower ground floor was Vinyl. So I skateboarded it to toilet. bedroom, lounge kitchen. We had a bin used as target practice for used tea bags. but the tea bags usually hit or miss their mark, with a bit of a splat and whathaveyou on the walls. So this became compettitive teabag-skate-dunking. whoever made the teas was out for effort (round of applause you can judge..). but passed on the teabags to the nominated tea-bag-skate-dunkers. as we got the used bags and sped passed the bin (which had a drawn target with conccentric points etc) and lobbed the tea bag in. Suffice to say, by the end of the year the bin/wall was battered with used teabags all over the shop and lots of scoreboards and charts. and the vinyl would never buff out. and that was just making tea!..

    dirk_pumpa
    Member

    Rumor has it a resident in a my first shared house knocked one out into the dregs of a wine glass and left the glass on a desk in his room for a couple of days.

    Weekend arrives and your man gets lucky. After a couple of hours riding, his lucky lady escapes his gaze while he puts a lighter to a cigarette. She’s wetting her whistle so she is.

    “What was in that wine?”

    Premier Icon lunge
    Subscriber

    Clearly I led a rather dull university life.

    Had a housemate who tried to light his cig with the gas hob but failed so just decided to leave the gas on all night anyway without it being lit. Said housemate was also notorious for being a borderline alcoholic and would often be seen with Scotch in hand at 9am as, in his head at least, if he had no lectures that was an OK thing to do.

    We also had “house porn” at one point. This was the days of VHS where, if you went to the right specialist shop, you could trade in old videos for more new grot. Often there would be good deals on getting more that one video with you trade in. This culminated with one of our housemates taking back one video and coming out with 50. So we used to just have it on as background sound. I’m sure the TV in that house had nothing but porn or FIFA on PS1 on it for a year. The girlfriends some of us had at the time kind of got used to it and seemed relatively unfazed in the end.

    …just remembered another one.

    Due to general poor hygiene etc we had a real problem with mice in our house. One of them used to regularly pop out of the skirting board behind the sofa and shuttle backwards and forwards between the lounge and kitchen carrying scraps of food back to its nest.

    My housemate (same one mentioned in earlier post) made it a mission to terminate the rodent with extreme prejudice.

    In the absence of access to napalm / heavy weaponry his method mainly involved sitting up late in an armchair in his pants and cowboy boots listening to Rod Stewart with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and one of those wooden meat tenderizing mallets in the other (and no that’s not a euphemism either).

    From time to time we’d hear a howl of profanity downstairs followed by a loud thump as he hurled the mallet in the general direction of the mouse.

    He never got it. Closest he got was to clip it’s tail whilst we were all watching TV. Mouse scurried in a blurry panic to its hole, but missed it, ricocheted off the skirting board and was lying stunned in the middle of the lounge. Flatmate pounced but was too late and the mouse recovered and scurried off to safety.

    After that I like to think they developed a wary respect for each other and the mouse was left to go on it’s way unhindered.

    loads of stuff in uni digs.

    jekkyl
    Member

    one of the lads in my house was a bit of a bodger, he liked to make stuff, he also liked his weed. One time he came up with this contraption that had a hood that you put over your head and then had like a metal tube shaped like a snorkel, it also had a little fan mechanism to draw in the fumes. The idea was that you put this thing over your head, turn on the fan and get a mate to put a lighter to the green and you just breathe normally in the hood, no coughing you see and you get really stoned. Now it wasn’t a bad idea to be fair it just looked so stupid and there was no way all the cool kids would be passing it round at parties. The first time he demonstrated it we all gathered round the chair for a pic, about 4 of us with piss take thumbs up or stupid quizzical looks round this guy with a hood on with a metal snorkel coming out of it, he had no idea.

    McHamish
    Member

    loads of stuff in uni digs.

    Cool story.

    Premier Icon cobrakai
    Subscriber

    I didn’t go to uni, but shared a lot in the forces.

    One lad saved up all his fag buts in a brown paper bag and kept it in his locker. His clothes constantly stank, as well as the room.

    Another lad, dinger, used to interfere with himself every night. Not too bad if you had a single (w@$k) bunk, but he shared with 4 of us. I kept spare change next to my bed and if I heard him at it, I’d bombard him with 2ps.

    On a few occasions we would get one of the sober lads to pick us up from a night out. We’d then smuggle our “dates” back in to camp in the boot of said car. The “dates” would then do the rounds around the rooms.

    My best mate Andy got charged for playing golf off the top of the accommodation block. Pity he was aiming at the sgts mess car park.

    In NI when the local elections were on, our accommodation block had a game to see who could steal the best campaign poster from the lamp posts. Obviously the more dangerous location you stole it from the more man points you got. The RQMS thought it was brilliant that the inside of the accommodation block was covered in sin feinn, sdlp and dup posters.

    When I left and went to college, I couldn’t believe how minging folk could be. I have to agree about how grotty lassies are!

    Premier Icon kiwijohn
    Subscriber

    I used to share with a couple of girls. Once when we discovered we had a rat problem, they put a trap in the pantry. Next morning they discover a pissed off rat in the trap. Cue much squealing before they drag the lot outside & dispatch the rat by dropping a car battery on it.
    Unfortunately, when they moved out, the junky moved in. Never live with a junky.

    jekkyl
    Member

    there’s a rat in me kitchen what am ah gonna do,
    there’s a rat in me kitchen what am ah gonna do.
    ahm gonna drop a car battery on that rat!

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