Looking for some Dadsnet hive-mind reassurance. At home with our week old first child, who is as good as gold all day, but then screams and screams all night. Can anyone assure me that a) this is normal, b) that it will pass, and c) what the likely time frame is? We can’t find any obvious cause for this; she’s much more chilled when held but is too little to understand that we can’t do this all the time. We are both threaders and exhausted; community midwife suggests things might be better by the weekend. Anyone able to advise?

Andy

sounds like a normal newborn.
give her a dummy.

Only had one so far but….

a) Yes that was normal for her after the first 10 days.
b) Yes it will pass
c) It reached its peak at around 17 weeks

She’s as good as gold now like, sleeps from 8pm till 7am almost without fail from 6 months on. Good luck!

I don’t have kids, so might seem a little ‘unqulaified’ to comment, but I’ve grown up around loads of kids inthe family and that, and always remember the words of my mum, who was a midwife and peadriatric nurse looking after tiny new-borns and that;

‘If they can scream, there’s probably little wrong with them’.

I hope this is slightly reassuring.

Apparently it does get better. Might take 18 years or so….. 😉

i still remember 4 months of similar trauma. i called him a little shit alot. grab sleep when you can, 5 min here and there. it will pass. you’ll get through . but it’s **** grim.

Assuming there’s no physiological reason (and I assume this has been checked out) for the screaming, then it’s just babies, ho hum. Take time so that each of you can get away from it for a bit each day.

If you hold them every time they scream, they’ll scream when they’re not being held. It’s really hard with your first but you have to take your own mental state into consideration too. If it’s driving you nuts, put them in their cot and walk away for a bit. Screaming for a bit won’t kill them.

Oh and btw mate; nice one dad! 😀

Indeed….congratulations and welcome to your new life.

well we are 6 weeks in to our 1st, hes not been that bad

lots of people have recomended this
http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Baby-Whisperer-Connect-Communicate/dp/0345479092/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1293148397&sr=1-1
and another book (i forget which!)all about setting a routine and so on

tbh its 90% common sense but its nice to have some sort of a plan, even if we dont really stick to it

ours sleeps reasonably well weve found a dummy helps send him off
i know some people arent keen on them but if it means a good nights sleep….you can get ones suitable from birth but only use if shes feeding well already

At home with our week old first child, who is as good as gold all day, but then screams and screams all night. Can anyone assure me that a) this is normal, b) that it will pass, and c) what the likely time frame is?

We are going through exactly the same thing with our third, so, a) yes it’s normal, b) yes it will pass and c) 3-4 months (for our previous two), but it will feel much longer 😉

Feels like hell at the time becuase you don’t know that it will end, but it does, and looking back, it won’t seam that bad.

Once the baby starts handing out smiles, it all seams a whole lot better.

I feel your pain. We’re going through the same with our 3 week old. He does have better days than others though, and is certainly better than the first few nights.
Sorry I can’t be anymore help other than letting you know your not the only ones 😉

Our first was the same, suffered badly with colic, which got progressively worse through the day as she took subsequent feeds. I’ll be honest we did not sleep properly for four months but you genuinely will adapt, most important thing is to share the duties as much as poss and don’t fall out with each other which I admit is hard. You’ll get there, you have no choice in that and it’ll all soon be a distant memory!! Oh and a dummy does work wonders!! Good luck 🙂

Ruling out all the obvious as stated.

I assume that the baba is put down in a cot, where’s as during the day, she has alot of interaction with you, the mum, other, etc..

During the day, during sleeps, get her in a quieter area of the house if possible and get her used to sleeping in a more peaceful environment.

Also have mums smell on some of the babas bedding. It may comfort her and help her settle.

Too much soothing husshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhing and she’ll know you’re there and want picking up..

Lots of trial and error might be needed, so be calm and patient.

It’s hard but worth the effort.

HTH

Might sound daft but background noise, my boy was similar when new born, one night I put a radio in the room, problem solved almost instantly, no idea why. He still insists on the radio to this day and he’s 7 now. Also worth checking if she’s too hot/cold, that makes anyone grumpy.

Lots of noise and activity during day then it goes all quiet and somebody turns all the lights out at night. I’d scream and get anxious till I got used to it. If it’s any consolation I would walk ours round the lounge until he nodded off at 3.00pm. It slowly got earlier until he went to sleep at 12 midnight and we could then have an early night, till he woke up for a feed! It gets better you’ll look back in a years time and wonder how you got through it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

As above, I feel your pain.
We went through several months of similar screaming trauma with our first. The bad sleeping carried on until he was 2!

The only good bit of advice to give is that there is no good advice. There is no magic thing (aside from the usual things e.g. hungry / dirty) you should/could be doing to stop the screaming.
All this “if you do routine xyz it will all be OK” is total bullshit. Routine xyz sets unrealistic expectations about what can be achieved with a difficult kid and only fuels the despair when xyz doesn’t work.

You find your own path.

Oh yeah actually, contradicting myself, there are a few goods bit of advice actually:
* Don’t be too hard on yourselves. You probably aren’t doing anything wrong
* It will get (a lot) better, and more fun!
* Having kids will be the best thing you ever do

My little one is 2 now, she still doesn’t sleep through the nights, wakes up in night terrors 2 or 3 times a night.

Is she breast fed? If so, then don’t give her a dummy until you establish a feeding pattern.

It’s normal, it will pass, and it’s going to be pretty tough for a few weeks until it does. For what it’s worth, it’s normal for babies to cry lots.

My best advice, after 4 kids with the latest 10 days old, is that if she’s good during the day (and you’re both off work) is for both of you to be grabbing some decent naps during the day. Getting sleep keeps you sane and helps keep everything in perspective.

Best of luck.

Not much to add other than my congratulations.

It does get better. This time next year you might be able to tow her around on a sledge. She will think you’ve made the snow and created this cool mode of transport and are probably the best person in the world.

For extra points, take up surfing like Awesome Dad:

It does get better. This time next year you might be able to tow her around on a sledge. She will think you’ve made the snow and created this cool mode of transport and are probably the best person in the world.

This works the other way too. You can buy a new carpet for christmas and tell your kids that’s their christmas present. They buy this till they’re about 3 or 4.

If she’s fed, clean and warm and she still screams do not be tempted to keep picking up to cuddle. As hard as it maybe to listen to her cry you don’t want to get into the habit that she won’t settle without falling asleep in your arms.

Get into a routine early on.

You could also try a comforter blanket – Jojo Mamen Bebe do some nice ones

If it’s red in the face non stop screaming with hardly a pause for breath then probably colic – not anything you can do as far as I found. Heartbreaking but it will pass.
You could set the clock by my two.

My son cried a lot when he 1st came home. We used a feeding pillow (the boomerang shaped ones) and kind of wedged him in his cot with it, so his head was resting in the center (hope that makes sense!) and it helped him sleep better.

We also put some books under the feet of the head end of his cot as some newborns have problems with wind and being at a slight angle helps take the pain away.

HTH

PS, being a dad is the best thing you can do, congratulations!

Things go on 6 week cycles ime. Find out what works for you, routine is very important.
Our 2 slept on mrs j’s chest until they were about 3 months old. Not ideal, but neither is not getting any sleep.
Good luck – I reckon lots of us have been there, it’s not nice, but it does get better / easier.

yes I think it’s normal, however I have to disagree with the posters who say don’t hold them when they scream I’m afraid. Tiny babies need lots of contact, they are used to being constantly nurtured, moved about, have noise etc in the womb and being born is a total shock to the system. They are biologically programmed to need to be held and reassured a lot in the early months. Teddy has been picked up and comforted every time he cries since he was born, and rarely cries – only when he is tired or hungry, and is very happy to be put down to play on his own. In the early weeks he wasn’t happy to be in the moses basket, so he slept in bed with us. Now, he is completely happy to sleep all night in his basket.

There is a school of though that the first 3 months is the 4th trimester, and I can understand the thinking.

Anyway, feel free to ignore, is just my hippy coth nappy using, un gina ford routine based side coming out 🙂

Also remember they don’t know night from day yet, it takes a good few weeks to sort that out – try to expose her to some daylight every day (hard at this time of year I know!) to help with the transition, as well as making day times bright and noisy and night times dark and quiet.

Oh and forgot the congratulations! It’s honestly the best thing we have ever done.

ETA tell the mrs to sign up to Mumsnet if she hasn’t already, v useful for all kinds of advice.

sorry me again, try a sling as a compromise between getting stuff done and holding the baby; something like a moby from Little Possums

I have to disagree with the posters who say don’t hold them when they scream

Totally agree – it isn’t until they are older that they start to understand the connection between crying>attention>contact.

No more to add than what has been said other than concentrate on the belief that it WILL pass. In twelve months time you will look back in disbelief at how well you managed on 2 hours sleep each night…

Oh, I can acutely remember those days. It can only get better.
Make sure they are warm (but not too hot), well fed ( mine always fell off the tooter fast asleep) and we always found if they were ‘swaddled’, wrapped up in a blanket with their arms tucked in worked, so their arms weren’t flailing around. With my 3 kids they did spend lots of time inbetween me and spouse in our bed, but, hey, they settled quickly and we rested too. I’m afraid it goes with the territory tho’.

I have to disagree with the posters who say don’t hold them when they scream

well i think that was me but it’s not what I said. I said don’t pick them up every time they scream. New parents will often run to the child every time they open their mouth and whether this doesn’t have any effect until their three months or six months it’s more about preserving your own sanity. Screaming away won’t kill them but you going mental might.

+1 samuri

I have to disagree with the posters who say don’t hold them when they scream

I’m not saying not to hold but don’t keep running back and forth, even at that young age they know whats what.

Just a wait until you have teenagers then you’ll look back wanting a screaming baby rather than a sulky 14yr old. 😉

My son screamed so much on his second night in this world that he was taken to the special care babay unit at the hospital and placed in an incubater as he turned blue and the midwives had a panic.

The noise level didn’t really abate for about 18 months.

Alright, I’ll amend my words, I disagree with those who say don’t run to them every time they scream 🙂 I think at that age, they scream becuase they need something, even if what they need is just human contact, it’s a valid need as they are unused to being alone.

Thanks all for the reassurance. We’ve had another horror of a night – baby finally settled (on her mum, who is resultantly shattered this morning) about 0430. Now (sleeping quietly) in Moses basket on the living room table while my wife sleeps upstairs.

I did suggest Mrs RBIT signed up for Mumsnet; she’s not got round to it yet. I suspect the quality of advice on here might be higher though 😛

Andy

Our lad is 4 and still wakes in the night, still waiting for the magic to happen….

I am hoping our two (18 months) are going to give us a Christmas present tonight and sleep right through to 8am…

We had ours in a moses basket beside the bed so she could see her mum. They cry loads at the start anyway but when ours wasn’t sleeping we eventually discovered it was a combination of colic and a milk allergy. My wife cut out dairy until she stopped breast feeding and it worked really well.

For all the flack mumsnet gets on here its a good way to get some suggestions and see what works for you and your kid.

Now (sleeping quietly) in Moses basket on the living room table while my wife sleeps upstairs.

If you have a baby who will sleep when not on a parent, then you’re a lucky one – if possible just sleep when they sleep.

Sling was brilliant for ours, complete life saver, used a Moby sling from 7 days old, she slept it in while we got on with stuff / went places.

Not letting babies cry uncomforted (ie pick them up when they scream) at an early age is supposed to make them less cryey once they are older – there’s some research on it, the stuff people say about them learning to get your attention by crying is rubbish – babies just aren’t that manipulative.

The quality of advice on mumsnet is excellent, honestly! whatever your child is doing someone elses is worse. Makes you feel much better 🙂

Teddy went through a long phase of only sleepimg on me, he also went through a short phase of only sleeping latched on, that was not so much fun.