I know this is probably not right for Friday night but I just want to right this down and get it out of my head.
Completely out of the blue mrs mW, my partner of 25 years has been diagnosed with a mass in her brain, we don't know exactly what it is but have been told that the next 48 hours are crucial and no one we spoke to today gave us any cause to be optimistic regarding the likely outcome.
She didn't want to tell the rest of her family until she had her head around the situation and knew a little more about what was going to be happening over the next few days. We will be telling them tomorrow I guess. She's sleeping now and I'm alone with my thoughts which vary between surprisingly practical for short periods to utter despair.
She's taking it as well as anybody could, surprisingly stoic but I'm in pieces, I can't imagine living a happy life if she wasn't in it and just keep thinking of all the things we had planned to do that might not happen now.
I know I need to stay strong and help her through this but I just don't know how. If we skirt around the subject then it can feel OK for a bit but as soon as I look at her or am left alone with my thoughts it all becomes too much.
It seems like the only way to keep some semblance of normality is to ignore the situation but that feels cold and if I'm honest a betrayal of my real feelings. if we face it head on then I'm a blubbing mess which I know she doesn't want to see.
If anyones been through similar please share your thoughts on how the hell you deal with this.
Sorry if this is all too heavy and a bit rambling, but it helps to say it out loud if even if it is anonymously on an inappropriate forum.
And to anyone plodding along in a seemingly happy life please treat every day as special don't ever take that person for granted and do everything you want to do at the first opportunity.