Been on my mind. I have some paperwork, could trace them quite easily.
I’m wondering if I should.
My father was adopted.
I love my nan and grandad and have lovely memories and still am involved in family on that side.
But since they have both passed I am now in mind to look at my fathers family.

Would it work out well to try and find ‘uncles’ etc, I know he had brothers and maybe a sister.
I need to, just by writing it out!
STW, I’ve made a decision!
Thank you for just being ‘there ‘.

Dad committed suicide when I was 2 1/2 my brother was barely a year old.
My brother passed away a little while ago.
I feel like I’m on my own.

I’m just writing it down.

If you’re sure the comfort it will give you will outweigh any family turmoil then you should do it.

Try sending off a mouth swab to an ancestory website, you may come up trumps. Turns out a ‘childless’ uncle of mine fathered a son in the 60’s before fleeing to s.africa. Nobody would have known if it wasn’t for the ancestory website finding a familial match. Good luck, hope it works out.

Best of luck. I keep meaning to find out about my blood granddad as my dad never knew his real dad. It’s a bit of a family secret I believe and just one of those things we don’t talk about as I think my nan is a little embarrassed by it. I’m not sure anyone is really interested but I’m intrigued.

Hope you find something.

Do you want to find out about them with the view to contacting them?

If so then you need to consider what response you might get, in that it might not be universally positive.

However, I hope whatever you do is helpful and positive for you

@BigJohn, I’m not looking for comfort, I’m far from that. Are you suggesting I may bring turmoil to the people I would like to contact ? I don’t want that at all. Which is why I’ve waited.

@jonnyboi, yes, I think I want to contact them. I have been considering the response for around 35 years.
I keep putting it off, didn’t want to upset my nan and grandad who took him in and adopted him, also would upset my brother.
Now I’m on my own with that side of the family, it must be normal to try and find an uncle or something?

Hey OP, I’ve no experience of your situation however, as with all things we approach in life, so long as we do so with the best intent, with honesty and unconditional positive regard for ourselves and others, then crack on and good fortune for you.

How others may react, be mindful of, but remember you can only be wholly responsible for your own actions/reactions.

My wife who was adopted tracked her birth father who is now living in Australia when she was 48 – it has been a rewarding process. Her birth mother who still lives in the UK wanted nothing to do with her. She Skyes regularly with her ‘mum and dad’ and the came to the UK last year. Her adoptive family have been supportive too. The main problem was dealing with Social Services as many adoption files were ‘closed’ at that time in the belief the contents were ‘damaging’ to the adoptee, requiring councilling etc.

@slackalice, I am mindful. It has taken me an awful long time to do this. My ‘adoptive ‘ nan and grandad are gone, and now my brother.
Im the only one in my fathers line here.
Now the I have kids I’d like to see if anything else is out there.

I OP, I totally understand why you would want to do this. Don’t see an issue with it – you have good intentions behind what you are doing. Good luck!

Thank you Jam.
I gave all the adoption papers etc to my mum to look after after my nan died ( 10 years ago, wow) as I didn’t really want to deal with it.
It was the first time I’d seen any documentation and it all became very real.
I don’t like dealing with what happened with my dad.
But now with kids I guess I’m a family man, I’ve got the papers back and need to look for a positive and deal with ‘issues’.
I am not looking to hurt a family I’ve never met, and who may never know they even had a brother, so I am treading carefully and with dignity.
I appreciate all the advice that the STW alumni provides.

My wife and I adopted our son and have always been clear with him that his birth family is a fundamental part of his identity and we have shared as much as we can in as natural a way as possible. It’s our belief that it is the most basic human instant to want to know your own story and if you feel that you want to you have every right. Sounds to me like you are approaching this in a sensitive and respectful way and with your eyes open, I wish you the best of luck and hope it brings you what you want or need.

mark d – Member

@BigJohn, I’m not looking for comfort, I’m far from that. Are you suggesting I may bring turmoil to the people I would like to contact ? I don’t want that at all. Which is why I’ve waited…

My niece went through this. She was the result of a brief liaison between my brother and her mother and got adopted out because of the times.

Both parents deeply regretted this after the fact.

My niece discovered who they were 10 years before she summoned up the courage to approach them. They had tried to find out what had happened to her but were thwarted by the bureaucracy.

Everyone in the family was delighted when she did make contact, and now she is fully integrated into her birth family while still being the daughter of her adoptive parents.

So don’t hesitate.

At worst your parents may not want to know you, but there will still be uncles, aunts and cousins, who will be delighted to meet you.

Thank you for responding gdm4 and epicyclo.
You’ve both made me feel it’s even more worthwhile.
Getting all papers this weekend so onwards and upwards.
This place is great!

Good luck fella

My girlfriend was adopted and it’s a conversation we have every few months. At the moment she has decided to leave it as her parents have done so much for her, and inevitably would cause some upset to them, even if she does have their full support doing this.

In your situation, I can’t see you have anything to lose. As you’re not a direct relative requiring any type of support to your potential family members, you won’t be a burden a such, therefore much more likely to be accepted into any existing family environment.

Worst situation is either you find nothing, or your fathers blood family don’t want any contact. Either way, you don’t lose out and at least have an answer.

Keep us updated anyway as the missus would be interested to hear the outcome.