“Sitting up ther like a fairy on a gob of lard.”

I know what it means, but I have never seen a reference to faries sitting on lard anywhere else.

Good Black Country one:
“Yow’m yampa yow am.”
Self explanatory really.

“Yer away tae the one side like Gourock.”

Nice descriptive expression from an old boy in a sarf London pub “she ‘ad nipples like a dockers thumbs”

“Christ! Tha looks like a d**k in a top hat” was a favourite of my dads when I was younger and wearing clothes that I was yet to grow in to.

“Gradely” was another, I think it just means grand.

I need to start taking note actually there’s some crackers about. My mates farming stock and after a thai spiced nut yesterday he said “bloody hell, me arse will be like a dragons nostril when that lot comes out!”

You couldnt knock the skin off a rice pudding

Regular references to Soft Mick

Watching you handle that tyre/spanner/brush gives me belly ache !

One of my Old mans favourite questions to any of my friends was what kind of milk they had at home, he was convinced that sterilised milk would be the complete ruination of civilised society and that a pint of green top/farm botted was the only cure.

Some friends of mine had their elderly mother move in with her. She was hard of hearing so would sit with the telly on pretty loud, channel hoping and mutter to herself about whatever she was watching- again loud enough to hear in the next room (or anywhere in the house really)

During her channel hopping one day she ended up on the adult channels, so in the next room we were treat to several minutes of full-blast adult chat followed by Phylis reflecting loudly “If I’d known about oral sex before I got married I’d have never have gotten married”

My mum was from Collyhurst:

‘Face like a well slapped arse’.

‘Shape yerself’.
Sort yourself out, sunshine.

‘You shape like my arse’.
You are a particularly useless individual.

‘Face like a robber’s dog/cobblers thumb/that could turn milk’.
You’se ugly.

‘If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your cap off’.

hammyuk – Member

“5 and 20 to 3….”

Twenty five to three, innit?

He’s as useless as tits on a boar! Often accompanied with a roll of the eyes.

On a similar vain- he’s got his ambition and ability the wrong way round.

Both used when someone is being generally useless at the task in hand

Most of these are either just slightly archaic phrases, or just phrases!

The old bloke who lived next to my folks used to come out and talk to me periodically if I was cleaning the bike. He confused me with a chap of similar age a few doors down, which was awkward, but 99% of the time I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. He was like a real world Rowley Birkin QC. Very amusing.

I grew up with an old Austrian bloke living next door who throughout my childhood and teens would give me random unsolicited kernels of advice. In my late teens my two favourites were.

“Stay in education for as long as your parents can support you. Then retire. Thats what I did”

And

“When your dad asks you what you want for your birthday tell him ‘Dad, I want your car’ ”

My wife’s grandfather would regularly say ‘A joke’s a joke. But the leg of a chair up your arse is furniture.’

No idea at all…

“Rotate”!….something we said when things not going well. About to lift off!

“It looking black over Bill’s mother’s….” Which is a reference to approaching rain… Apparently..

“all fur coat and no knickers” – to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

My Step Mums late Mother who was from the East End used to say ‘Gordon’s brewery!’ as a general exclamation. She couldn’t remember where it came from!

“Less haste, more speed” my mum (aged 80 1/2)
Translates as don’t rush, you’ll mess it up and it’ll take longer to put right (applies to my bike mending)

More haste and less speed, shirley.

“If I’d known about oral sex before I got married I’d have never have gotten married”

My ex’s gran once came out with, “I don’t understand all this fuss about oral sex. What’s so good about talking about it?”

“all fur coat and no knickers” – to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

I always thought that described someone with delusions of grandeur; ie, they aspire to being posh but they’re really not.

My mum exclaims “Jings, crivens, help me boab!”

Straight out of The Broons.

“all fur coat and no knickers” – to describe a person who outwardly looks affluent but in fact has very little.

I think it’s more about someone that tries to appear classy, but isn’t. (At least when I’ve heard it used)

More haste and less speed, shirley.

Nope. Right the first time, it’s meant as advice: work with less haste and it will ultimately be faster/speedier.

“It’s times like this, I always wish I’d listened to what my gran told me.”

“Why, what did she say?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.”

it’s meant as advice: work with less haste and it will ultimately be faster/speedier.

Yeah, it means work quickly but pay attention. Thinking about it, maybe I have got it backwards (“hasty” would imply rash?) but I’m sure that’s how I always heard it.

One of my favourites from my grandad was “havent got ha’penny to scratch me arse with” in reference to been a bit short of cash.

Or when he was hungry, he described it as being “pined wick” – still no idea 30 years on!

I thought a whore was all fur coat and no knickers ?