4" is pretty big seeing as I only play with 1/2"

What you got ? (give me a quote not a size)

"what's this airy fair crap we're listening to?"

"I prefer to call it ethereal"

'Can i come in your trench' …. brief pause

Tony Robinson to Carenza Lewis on Time Team

"She slept with who?"

"A new guy, he's called Dan."

"He must have been desperate…"

"£500+ VAT to repair your engine Sir" – not the quote I was hoping for…

Salesman: "That'll be £603 please sir."

Nasty quote all by itself, it has some context though.

Me: "For some tiles?"
Salesman: "Yes, these are high gloss, high quality, blah blah blah"
Me: "But they're tiles……"
/Looks at wife who is making puppy dog eyes
Me: "Lets try B&Q" (knowing full well no matter where we go from here on in, we'll be back here by the end of the day.

A financial expert on 5 Live last night –

"..there's a lack of uncertainty in the market.."

Anti-plain speaking IMO (similar to "I couldn't fail to disagree with you less" – B. Johnstone, HIGNFY episode)

Walking down chilled section in Supermarket.

Me, (under breath) "F**king hell it's freezing in here"
Son, "Dad, you can't swear in here, it's Waitrose…

LOL at nickc son.
Quality 😀

your meat is pink and moist, just the way i like it

Michelle Roux Jr
Masterchef "The Professionals" 2009

– Can I have 20 of those bulbs, please?
– That's 15 Euros.
– And a receipt too.
– Grand, 15 Euros and 7 Cents than.
In Maynooth, Ireland last Saturday.

"You are saying that all the local state schools that this government have drastically improved are knife-addled rape sheds"

Small Girl- "I've just done a poo squirrel."

Grumm, In The Thick of it?

I liked, "He's so dense, light bends around him"

"I've got a 'to do' list longer than a Leonard Cohen song"

"He wasn't a bad laddie. Ok, he had some convictions for shoplifting, but he only did that to pay his fines"