I generally don’t mind packed commuter trains. I dislike it, but it doesn’t get to me.

Today, train through Wombledin, district line barely running, thousands of extra people, and a 4-car train rather than the usual 8. It was quite intimate. I’m squeezed up against the sort of young lady I feel mildly disappointed with myself for lusting after – very hard-faced, beautifully made-up, pert, highlights, perfect nails, pink leather watch and ipod cover. MrsDummy is crammed in next to me, this woman is crammed in in front of me. I look at the ceiling. All going fine.

Suddenly, pretty missy decides that she needs to re-arrange the contents of her bag. NOW. Which she has placed between her feet. So she bends double. Which forces her bottom firmly and insistently into my groin. I have absolutely nowhere to go, and the operation with the bag takes some time. It has been a while, frankly. Certain dual-purpose parts of my anatomy have become largely single use in recent years. But they are starting to remember what they are all about. Something is stirring down there. My wife, meanwhile, has certainly noticed, firstly that the girl was standing there, and secondly that she is pushing her firm and sprightly backside into my crotch.

Climbing out of the window is not going to work. Saying “excuse me miss, but you’re giving me a hard-on, please stop” seems to risk setting an unfortunate precedent. It’s just not something you say anyway. And in any case she may not have noticed. Or she may think “this man is not a pervert, it’s not his fault, I pushed into him”. I have to stand there. Trying to think about Anne Widdecombe. And it’s really not working…. 😯

Your tales of transport awkwardness, ladies and gentlemen. 🙂

tell me you’re sending this “live” 😆

…Poor second, but I know a bloke who shat himself on the sun-deck of tour-boat on ther Nile, while he was asleep

Did she turn round and slap you, did you get her number come on where is the denouement on this story.

Now at least someone his being lucky with train ladies 😀

How’s your train romance going juan? Have I missed an episode? 🙂

*Looks across at PA. Spots pink leather watch…*

nan in the bath, nan in the bath, nan in the bath, nan in the bath, nan in the bath… 😳

How’s your train romance going juan? Have I missed an episode?

Plenty the one where i tried not to puck giving her my number and the ones where I am still waiting for her to call me 😐

*/ Pure STW/*
THIS THREAD IS NOT VALID WITHOUT PICTURE

Just run with it. You’ve already got the forum’s monopoly on bestiality, think of frottage as just another arrow in your quiver. 🙂

If you’re not getting them jumping on the back of your Big Dummy (as advertised!) at least you’re getting something!

Ahaha, brilliant insight.

…Poor second, but I know a bloke who shat himself on the sun-deck of tour-boat on ther Nile, while he was asleep

Qualitage!

Speaking of Egypt; I know a bloke who shat himself on a train there, and had to sit in his shitty keks, for hundreds of miles. In a hot, stuffy train…..

..with pretty young ladies he’d been trying to impress, being repulsed and disgusted by the whole thing.

I hope that you gave her one –
of your Deputy Director of…cards. You never know.

I don’t think that a rare thing in Egypt though, everyone I know who has been there has had the worst case of the shits known to man.

One bloke almost missed his place home they were that bad, as he couldn’t make it from the bogs to the plane without risking an ‘incident’.

This is an actual medical condition. She’s clearly suffering from it

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Frotterism

do you feel dirty and used now BD 😆

I don’t think that a rare thing in Egypt though, everyone I know who has been there has had the worst case of the shits known to man.

Aye, me an all. Developed the shits at the airport.
On the plane back the staff had several bogs reserved for the (ir)regulars on the flight – apparently that was standard procedure

Was she wearing a skirt? i’d of bent over to do my laces up.

And on getting up, be closed in behind the curtains….

Good mornin’

i thought this would be about the state of the rail service in comparison to other european countries.

don’t know if it counts but i once had a w@nk on a train whilst travelling through the alps….

I too was expecting a rant about the shocking state of public transport, but this is much better.

I can’t think of a better advert for public transport 🙂

what name did you file her under when you permanently fused her to your memory? I bet it was Greta or Nadia…

so, is the strike still on tomorrow morning and what time did you get on the train?

So would it be acceptable if a gay man came on here and put his thoughts of sexual intimacy with another person on an open forum,i think not.

What would have happened if the lady in question had claimed you sexually assaulted her,or rubbed against her, perhaps your time would be better spent writeing to the train company asking why the train was short formed,on such an obviously busy day, also why didnt you wait for a latter train.

Project- WTF?! It was just a chuckle, lighten up

And in my experience…

perhaps your time would be better spent writeing to the train company asking why the train was short formed,

No, they reply with “we have inherited old rolling stock and dont have teh cash for new trains, sorry”.

would it be acceptable if a gay man came on here and put his thoughts of sexual intimacy with another person on an open forum,i think not.

Yes it would be acceptable. I prefer not to expose the grubby contents of my mind to a bunch of strangers, but such thoughts are normal, and not necessarily offensive to the majority of people, particularly when expressed in a humourous and self-deprecating manner.

I don’t know what your personal life involves, but I would speculate that it consists of a Victorian Dad-style regime of taking cold showers and hitting yourself on the penis with a table tennis bat.

Why would it have been different if I was gay project?

Obviously, the situation has considerable potential for cringe-inducing embarrassment, accusations of all sorts and indeed the ruination of lives. It was also bloody funny. So I went with that angle. As far as I’m concerned, writing a letter to the train company would have been very dull and utterly futile compared to crafting a vaguely comic forum post. I am sorry you think it would have been a better use of my time, perhaps you could do it for me? 🙂

neee naaaw neeeee naaaaaw neeeee naaaaaw
who called PC Square?

hitting yourself on the penis with a table tennis bat.

if I was eating or anywhere near a keyboard, I would have just spat sandwich all over it

Of course not Project, for we are all homophobic xenophobes on here 🙄

I prefer not to expose the grubby contents of my mind

I disagree…

I would speculate that it consists of a Victorian Dad-style regime of taking cold showers and hitting yourself on the penis with a table tennis bat.

Imagine for a minute your dear wife,comeing home from work uposet,and saying her phone went,while on the train,she bent down to retrieve it from her bag,and a lecherous male,forced his groin against her buttocks.

Not in anyway would i believe you to be lecherous,or to have indecent thoughts towards women,but thats how you may be described by a lady,who didnt like your unwarranted attentions.

BD… please do not waste our time on matters of your uncontrollable arousal. this forum is for serious topics of discussion such as mornington cresent.

please keep your penis to yourself in future.

Imagine for a minute your dear wife,comeing home from work uposet,and saying her phone went,while on the train,she bent down to retrieve it from her bag,and a lecherous male,forced his groin against her buttocks.

If my wife was that easily offended I’d warn her never to go out in public again.

i am my wife…

Project gets the comedy award of the day…..

I am my own grandpa

her phone went,while on the train,she bent down to retrieve it from her bag

that sounds like foreplay to me.

her phone went,while on the train,she bent down to retrieve it from her bag

It’ll never stand up in court.

😉

Did the phrase ‘while you’re down there’ not make it out then? I find i do it involuntarily

It’ll never stand up in court.

Seemed to work well enough on the train.