Well it was today. Got on the wing at about 07.30 & went straight to the office for a briefing, (calling at the kettle on the way) during which a prisoner pressed his cell bell. Nothing unusual there except theyr'e unlocked at 07.45, so it must've been an emergency. Off my mate pops to see what's up, comes back a minute later & says, 'M in 1-47 has a major problem, his glass eye's gone down the plug hole' Followed by guffaws & chortles from all staff. Works were good though, they had it out in about 30mns.
I mean, how often does a glass eye go down a plug hole?

had a mate whos glass eye regularly used to fall out, once into his early morning cuppa, did no more than fished it out popped it in his mouth for a rinse and popped it back in the socket-made me heave. How in gods name did he get it down the sink drain hole-OR was he trying to escape in small pieces?

Not if you're innocent!

Not if you’re a Policeman.

I had to go on a wing a few years back to take a statement from an SO when a small riot broke out on one of the spurs. The prison officer rushed out leaving me alone in a small office whilst he and another big brute tried to quell the uprising. Bearing in mind I’d arrived wearing a suit and an ID badge that announced me as DC Jones (in thick marker pen written by a screw at the Gate), I not surprising received a number of menacing glares and remarks from two or three of the inmates. At one point the whirling melee of fists and staves progressed alarmingly close to the office I’d temporarily barricaded myself in having moved various bits of furniture around. Finally after a bowel loosening 30 minutes order was restored. It transpired that an ear had been bitten off during a dispute between two lads, which had then set off a number of warring factions. It was one of the most frightening episodes of my career thus far.

See, the cops have it easy! we've got this everyday!
In fact it happens more than glass eyes going down plugholes.

Plug hole ? ……… PLUG HOLE ??!!!

WTF ……. they've got "wash basins" ? 😯

What is it ……………. a **** hotel ???

What is it ……………. a **** hotel

pretty much so, went for a nose round our local jail (work related) the buggers have xbox's and ps's

and bars and doors with locks they dont have the keys for …what kind of hotels do you stay in ?

the buggers have xbox's

??? ……. and I suppose it goes without saying – they probably also have beds too 😐

No wonder the country is in a mess – when we choose to reward criminals.

Punishment – not nourishment, that's what gets results.

Just look at Nelson Mandela for example, he spent nearly 30 years in jail on Robben Island. All he had was a bucket and no bed, and yet he hasn't re-offended once since his release. Which just goes to prove.

and bars and doors with locks they dont have the keys for …what kind of hotels do you stay in ?

That's a cruise ship isnt it?

CID would be fine don't all DC's have bulletproof folders . Which saves them as the officer safety equipment they don't were can't haha 🙂

touche

Just look at Nelson Mandela for example, he spent nearly 30 years in jail on Robben Island.

He spent 18years on Robben Island before being moved to Pollsmoor then Victor Vester prison where he lived in a house inside the prison grounds.

My dad was a prison officer for quite a few years. I remember his training when i was younger. He came home at weekends and practised the 'holds' he was being taught. It was amazing how much pain he could inflict with a couple of fingers 🙁

He also used to tell me some brilliant stories and some quite horrific ones. It was a good job but it also carried some quite disturbing side effects. My dad had what seemed like parkinsons for a good 12mths before the drugs sorted it and it all stemed from a few incidents including finding a guy hanging in his cell with pictures of his kids taped to his slit wrists,

On the lighter side, i think you will find that the computer games etc are a way of placating the prisoners. If they are busy playing games they are easier to control and therefore do not require as much man power to control. Prisons are seriously understaffed so whatever works is used. It got quite funny as my dad was the best tetris player i have ever seen on a gameboy. He would have spaceships flying all over the place due to massive scores. The lags used to challenege themselves to beat him and it kind of made life pass a bit easier.

As much as i like to think of prisoners sitting in 6ft x 6ft cells with a hole in the floor it just doesnt work in the world we live in. Blame the do gooders, not the prisons.

went for a nose round our local jail (work related) the buggers have xbox's and ps's

bet they play Grand Theft Auto too

One of my first jobs was teaching in a prison. Wanted to look smart for the first day, but keeping in mind I'd be teaching woodwork I decided to wear a nice practical looking shirt I'd bought from a stall in Camden Market that mostly sold government surplus.

Imagine my surprise as my first pupils file in to see that its the same shirt thats issued to remand prisoners.

15 minutes later it all kicks off between two of the inmates (it turns out they have history on the outside and the first time they've been put in the same room is in my class), chisels start flying round the room, the big red button gets pushed and the education unit is stormed by prison officers. As a face that non of the officers recognise (and not even a lot of the education staff) it takes two of the prisoners to intervene and stop me in my cunning disguise from being dragged off the to cells.

It was amazing how much pain he could inflict with a couple of fingers

You're luck he wasn't training to be a vet 🙂

A good thia jail would sort out the criminal fraternity. Xbox ps3 ….. **** don't deserve it

Actually it's not tooo bad for bother at our place at the mo. (me & ma big mouth)
Working with prisoners is actually the easy bit, your'e just a glorified social worker/probation worker/care assistant/samaritan/mediator/ruler/mate/enemy, really.
The problem is, as always, the system set by 'managers'. Makes an easy job difficult.

He spent 18years on Robben Island before being moved ……

Yeah I know, I was being slack with the details/facts, the point still stands though imo.

This was his actual cell in Robben Island – not exactly equipped to Hilton standards.

Not sure about the 'coffee table' though 😕

………still, I guess they made up for it by not giving him a chair to sit on for 18 years.