OOOPS. Clicked “send” before I was finished.

So there’s a Fledgling Ox due to arrive in about 6 weeks, which we’re obviously made up about. Ultrasound has shown some kidney problems though. We’ve been talked through what’s likely to be happening in the weeks after birth and are OK with that, but just wondering if anyone has any experience of poorly newborns, esp with kidney issues.

I work away from home, and I’m just wondering if the wee thing is going to be a consistently upset baby. Don’t want to leave wifey to deal with it if that’s the case, but on the flipside I can’t work from home, so I need to figure out if it’s likely to be a torrid first few months.

I see your point.

shouldn’t worry yourself too much at this stage… there’s lots that can be done, and though its distressing, it is quite often “routine” for the staff to fix. Chin up and all that.

sorry about the previous comment, it was based on your initial post.

be mindful that the medical profession will always give you the worst case scenario as they feel obliged to do so for fear of litigation.
also babies always get exemplary care so have comfort that he/ she will be in safe hands.

I’d play it by ear and see what needs the baby has.

If it were me I’d be considering either

a) changing job so I could work close to home and be there every day.

b) moving mrs and baby closer to work by rentign somehwere for a 6 months or a year.

but both would be based on seeign how things went.

We had a healthy baby but he didn’t sleep – I don;t think my wife woudl have coped on her own if I’d been away 4 nights a week and I don’t think I’d have wanted to be.

Your priorities change once the baby comes along too.

gj junior 1 was 8 weeks early. He spent 2 weeks in special care and then came home fit as a fiddle. Looking back, the worst bit for us was how Mrs J coped. 2 weeks in hospital was pretty stressful – I went every day, but didn’t stay there. Junior had the best care and attention possible, but Mrs J suffered a little bit. Luckily it was no 1, god know how we would have coped if it had been 2.
So after that little ramble, I’d say that Junior will be expertly looked after – you need to consider how Mrs Ox will deal with it and prepare for that.
Edit – unless you have lots of family and friends nearby who are willing and able to chip in with care, then working away may be a bit tough on Mrs Ox

I’ve got no experience on the subject but I really hope it all works out for you and the wee one. Fingers crossed for you

+1 to flanges post.

No experience either, but recent hospital experiences with Mrs North have reminded me of this:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t stop asking questions until you’re really happy with what they’re telling you. Tell the medics that if they don’t know something, you’d rather hear “I don’t know, but I’ll find out”.

Really hope it goes well. Good luck.

sorry about the previous comment, it was based on your initial post.

No probs. I’d be upset if “.” had garnered anything less 😆

Cheers for the goodwill and advice so far. I would dearly love to change jobs, but it’s not quite that easy at the mo. Pay difference between jobs in my field of “expertise” offshore and onshore is just too great to make the jump. It’s in hand but it involves a fair bit of re-education/training. On the plus side, I have somewhere between 8-13 weeks of paternity leave available, so we’ll be good for a couple months minimum.

I think the biggest and awful-est question I have so far, which noone seems to be able to answer without being a bit “wooly” about it, is “how much pain will Mini Ox be feeling?”. I know adults who’ve had kidney infections who thought it was the most agonising thing ever 🙁

F.Ox, I’ve a fair amount of experience with daughters with kidney damage / bilateral reflux + infections. It depends on the child one didn’t notice – the other lots of pain, both diagnosed around 3years rather than birth. Both have had op to correct a faulty valve into the bladder and now seem fine – you wouldn’t notice unless you were told.

pm me for more info if you want

good luck

They will manage mini Ox’s pain I am sure.

It will be heart wrenching but you need to be strong for your wife at this point.

Use the paternity leave & see how it goes.

I wish you all the best.

can you ask a mother-in-law to step in and visit

i know they arent all the same though!!

good luck either way

108 days in NICU. I wouldnt wish it on anyone but You just get on and do what you have to.

All good now though but it opens your eyes a bit.

Any other family you can call on? Both my kids were healthy at birth, but even so looking after them was a pretty major drain on mrs. mogrim when I headed back to work.

Must say, I was glad to get back to work though 😆

My daughter was born not poorly, but in need of pretty drastic plastic surgery on her legs and hands. One thing that’s to your advantage is that you know – which means preparing in advance and not having the shock of it on the day of the birth.

Having been in and out of hospitals and surgeries many times, always worrying about the impact such things will have on her, she inevitably bounces back ten times faster than you can imagine.

Ask the hospital or your doctor if they can put you in touch with a family locally with a similar situation – we met up with a few different people who’d been through the samer thing – it’s amazing what drinking a cup of tea in a normal messy house and discussing the problem can do to calm your fears.

Best of luck mate

My son was born with a damaged kidney (smaller than normal and a bit wrinkled) He has never been ill with it (although the potential is there). If is something similar there will be regular blood tests etc to monitor but thats it, usually.

It has not had any negative effect at all on his physical development and he has experienced no pain. I just have to make sure he drinks loads of water.

can you ask a mother-in-law to step in and visit

Well that is an entirely different can of worms 😯
Short answer: no
Long answer: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. She’s suffering with chronic alcoholism although she appears to be trying her hardest to sort herself out, which is somewhat heartening. A lot of bad times over the last couple of years though.

Support-wise, we’re kinda neither here nor there. We’re in Edinburgh. My family are way down in Sheffield. Her family are spread between St Andrews, Aberdeenshire, Whitley Bay and the US. We have friends close by, a few of whom have very recently had babies and a few who are due in the next couple of months, so the friend network is where it’s at I think.

Maybe time to think about asking work for an Aberdeen office job for a few months.

Again, thanks all for advice and kind thoughts.

One of mine had kidney issues identified on the 20 week scan. He was followed for a year with regular ultrasounds every few months and it disappeared. It’s very early days.

A generation ago, people didn’t know that they might have only one kidney.

need to figure out if it’s likely to be a torrid first few months

They are all hard work in the first few months!

Can you enlist your extended family to help? A poorly baby that is in pain or won’t sleep is manageable for a few weeks (eg. teething), but if you find yourself needing to hang in there over the longer term (like we did) a bit of help is essential. If money isn’t tight, carers make a real difference, even if they can just help with laundry and cook hot meals while you are away.

But, yes, doctors will do their best to scare the pants off you. Don’t take their dire predictions too seriously.

They are all hard work in the first few months!

This! I’d be a lot more worried about the wife than the baby – the baby will be in good hands (worst case hospital, best case at home), it’s your wife who will be feeling abandoned.

Maybe time to think about asking work for an Aberdeen office job for a few months.

I have been surprised at what I am allowed to get away with workwise. Chronic lateness, frequently AWOL. Very few people won’t sympathise with a family with an ill baby and will give you a bit of slack.

Bit of an update, and really wanting someone who might have a bit of medical knowledge to answer some questions.

Wife had an ultrasound again today, and the baby is now showing cysts on both kidneys. The wife was a bit upset to be asking the whole ins and outs of it all, I’m stuck on nightshift on an oilrig in the North Sea so wasn’t there to ask questions and don’t have anyone out here to ask, so forgive me for turning to the STW hivemind over a medical professional.

A quick Google would suggest that bilateral cysts are fatal in all cases, but the sites I’ve read suggest that the reason is there is very little/no amniotic fluid resulting in poor lung development and the baby can’t breathe when born. The doctor at the ultrasound says that there is plenty of amniotic fluid though, so I’m a bit confused to say the least. I’d like to know the likely outcome of all this because, quite frankly, **** sitting out here tapping gauges and turning valves if Baby Ox doesn’t stand a chance 😥

Like others have said, I have no experience/knowledge but sincerely hope there’s a positive way forward with this. Have you checked out this dysplasia link? Second para states that dialysis may be needed early on in life. Not sure if this is exactly the same condition. Either way, I hope Mini Ox is not in discomfort and comes through without the minimum of hiccups.

It’s difficult to be reassuring (or otherwise) without knowing exactly what was said but I wouldn’t take anything that Dr Google says as gospel. Further to this (having broken plenty of bad news, and having been on the other side as the parent of a six-week-old needing colorectal surgery) it’s often extremely difficult to take in what has been said in one sitting, even with the best explanation – the only thing my wife could remember about the surgical appointment was that the surgeon said Miss RBIT would have a stoma (in fact, he said that was the worst case, and it wasn’t necessary in the end).

I assume fetal medicine are involved. Are you in a position to speak to the consultant’s secretary in the morning, explain you’re on a rig & ask the consultant to speak to you directly? S/he will be best placed to explain what is going on.

HTH, and I hope it works out OK.

Andy

This sounds really stressful – sorry.

I don’t think you have enough information for anyone to be able to give you any really useful information on here. A few general points:
1. Have you seen anyone other than the ultrasound person yet? Been able to ask any questions? Seems like you need to if not.
2. Amniotic fluid circulates – the baby swallows it then wees it out, so if a baby’s kidneys aren’t working then they won’t have any/much amniotic fluid. The right volume of amniotic fluid is definitely encouraging as it suggests kidneys are functional.
3. Do you have any family history of polycystic kidney disease? The cysts seen on scan could mean anything (or nothing) to be honest, but IIRC PKD is the commonest reason to find cysts on a scan.

You really need more information and to see someone to discuss things with face to face.

EDIT: ratherbeintobago’s suggestion of trying to speak to a fetal medicine consultant is a good one – they’re normally very accommodating if you explain that you work offshore (and they have your wife’s consent to talk to you directly).

Can you not take medical/family leave to get back and find out? I’m not sure Google or STW will help you in respect of something definitive and that you can rely on – just not possible over the web.

Healing thoughts to mini-Ox.
And the strength to you & Mrs Ox to get through this.
Can’t even begin to imagine what your going through stuck out there mate.

[Slaps Ox on back in man like way]

The very best of luck to you and yours bud