@Simon_Semtex – you’re the 2nd person to highlight this book to me, i’ll have to have a read of it. Your story sounds very similar to mine, she has got much worse since the birth of our son.

Yup…… Its essentially all about control. My mum control me for years…. Was always the font on all knowledge… Always knew better than me…. Saw herself as the queen bee……( sorry got to go… Teaching again…)

Will post later…

First of all, I really everything works out and baby is home soon. I can’t even imagine how hard things are for you at the moment.

However, I think you’re being a bit harsh to be honest.

She may be a bit of a pain but calling her a narcissus is a bit much.

A worried grandmother wanting to visit her sick grandchild is totally understandable.

The mother in law is exactly like this. We live 150 miles away.

We’ve got 1000+ miles.

Still wanted to turn up when kids were born and camp out in the house and “help” for a month.

Got told in no uncertain terms to wait until they were invited. Hasn’t done any harm to the relationship long term.

@gobuchul – the little one is not sick in the slightest, he is doing fantastic and hopefully coming home on Monday. She knows he is doing well and the nurses are completely happy with him, she again knows this. The only thing remotely wrong with him is that he was early.

What this is about is exactly how Simon_Semtex has described too. My mother always has to be correct, always wants her own way and will NOT respect what myself and my partner have said regarding visiting. This is the reason we are not telling her Elliot is coming home. She will want to pander and be there straight away. She did the same thing to my sisters two children and was present during the birth as well. We didn’t have that choice but she even said to us that she wanted to be there despite Kas saying she wanted her no where near us.

This is all about her not respecting my wishes, turning everything around so its about her, thinking she is correct and that she “knows best”. If anything I am being nice. This is just the tip of the ice burg.

This is just the tip of the ice burg.

Fair enough. It all sounds a but strange being there at the birth, never heard of that before. 😯

I guess your issues with your mother go a bit further than just this.

My advice, take her to one side for a coffee, reassure her the time for grandparent time is just around the corner. Explain you are being pulled in too many directions at at this moment in time (emotionally, physically, financially and just about holding it together). As you know, your wife and baby are the priority. Reassure her you will keep her updated as the situation progresses, tell her this may not be everyday so she should expect quiet time of maybe a day or two before the next contact to enable you all to get through the situation (the last thing you need is having constant texts). However you handle it you both need to come away being absolutely clear about what is acceptable and what isn’t, basically dont finish the chat until you are confident she has got the message – you only want to do this once so be firm and sharp if necessary but end on a reassuring good note. Remind her this is just a temporary arrangement. Get her to help in other ways, cleaning the house, washing clothes, buying food. Lastly, maybe get her to think about what she would of wanted if she was in your wifes situation. Would she have wanted her mother in law getting in the way. This will help put her actions into context. If she is a complete nutter about it then you know what to do, wife and baby come first. You can rebuild bridges later.

i think this is the most sensible way to approach her but if that fails then you need to get you some meaty bombers…them carbon forks will be too light and the revs too flimsy…or just hoof her in the slats and be done with her

on a serious note i hope your little boy is doing better and comes home soon
as for your mum you need to be firm with her (tough love) and define the boundaries for her and tell her when she’s overstepping it. if that means turning her away until she learns then so be it.
however in a way i feel slightly envious for your situation that you still have your mum…my mum died 9 months before our eldest was born…my dad 3 years before that…so my kids will never get to know their grandparents other than seeing old photos of them.
if you can get your mum to abide by your rules for visiting then i think it could be a positive thing for your son at least

@gonzy – Sorry to hear about losing your parents. My dad passed 7 years ago last Thursday. One of the last memories I have of him is holding my niece of 3 months old and bursting into tears knowing he wouldn’t get to see her grow up. Its kind of a reason I just don’t want to turn her away from the family as we’re already small enough now. But she needs to be told and know shes overstepping the mark.

will NOT respect what myself and my partner have said regarding visiting

Do this:

My advice, take her to one side for a coffee, reassure her the time for grandparent time is just around the corner. …etc

And follow it up with, “and if you do turn up uninvited, you’re not coming in. We don’t want any visitors and we will be locking the doors and taking the battery out of the doorbell.”

This is the reason we are not telling her Elliot is coming home. She will want to pander and be there straight away.

I don’t think this is a great idea, as it will spell double whining when she does find out. Don’t lie, but simply tell her he’s coming home early that week, and arrange for her to come over a few days later, when you’re settled. Make it clear that this is not a negotiable thing, then sit back, don’t answer the door or phone for those few days.

Hi Jolmes….. You have mail.

Jolmes, is the little one home??