But not everyone chooses what actually IS right for them and their family, do they?
No, some people are just not perfect enough to live in STWland, probably should have been neutered or just euthanased.
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paying for someone to look after your kid...
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Posted 2 years ago #
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I think also as the 'poster' is in Germany he'll find that the tax system there helps one parent to stay home, plus the (by British standards) almost-free kindergarten system and that the school hours are different. This all helps.
TBH we found that once our son got to 3, it was cheaper to put him in private school, than it was to pay a nursery.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Lovely, but the mortgage needs paid otherwise we're all spending that quality time outside in the cold.
we changed ours to an interest only for 5 years to lessen the hit and take a couple of months holiday on that each year and spend the money on summer holidays. We'll have more to pay once the kids are in school but we'll be better equiped to pay it.
Posted 2 years ago # -
In the UK the system helps more if both the parents work from what I am beginning to understand - through a combination of working tax credit and childcare allowance.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Am deliberately staying out of this
me too. Am going back to work when ours is 9 months. My choice, only mine and GF's business, no one elses.Posted 2 years ago # -
Also frankly having kids cant be much fun so maybe it would be better if the misses had time off.
scu98rkr - it would appear that is the main reason for you reckoning you shouldn't look after your children when you have them - lots of other stuff attempting to justify the point, but that's the fundamental. Can you not do what me an mrs aracer do and both go part-time? I suppose it is still seen as somewhat unusual for a bloke to go part-time to look after kids - I only know one other man who does, and several who are adamant it would damage their careers. I should point out that I'm far from being into babies etc., and would hate to be at home looking after kids full time.Of course like lots of others on here, our son does go to nursery - 2.5 days a week at the moment. As also pointed out, that's at least partly because it's good for him. As always, he had to be reminded to say goodbye to me when I dropped him off this morning, he's so eager to go and play with his friends at nursery. There's a little boy a few doors down almost exactly the same age who's been looked after at home until very recently, and the difference in social development is huge.
Posted 2 years ago # -
40 post bug fix
Posted 2 years ago # -
yossarian - Member
Lovely, but the mortgage needs paid otherwise we're all spending that quality time outside in the cold.
we changed ours to an interest only for 5 years to lessen the hit and take a couple of months holiday on that each year and spend the money on summer holidays. We'll have more to pay once the kids are in school but we'll be better equiped to pay it.
That strikes me as someone who is living beyond their means. You are hoping that you are better equipped to pay it in the future? What if you arent?
Posted 2 years ago # -
We put ours in nursery so we could sit at home all day smoking joints watching adult orientated movies whilst procreating some more (all 8 kids are 10 months apart in age), with the benefits we got paid we could have spent it on a private education for us both but that would have meant we'd have had to put the kids in care and sooner or later we'd have got done for benefit fraud, instead we found a really cheap childcare company that took tesco clubcard points in px, which means we get to keep an extra £755.43 a week, which just about keeps us in smack.
Posted 2 years ago # -
That strikes me as someone who is living beyond their means. You are hoping that you are better equipped to pay it in the future? What if you arent?
when the boys are both at school my wife will be going back to work. OUr income increases by circa £25k a year, more than enough to cover the increased cost of our mortgage. As I said previously, for us its more important to have time with our boys before they go to school. My wife has loads of friends who have the same outlook and is off out every day to the beach, the woods (all the kids take their bikes and race up and down the trails :-)), play centres, museums, football training, wildlife centres etc etc etc. Our decision was that this is better for us all (yep slightly selfish from our perspective) than paying someone else to look after our kids.
edit - should also say that my eldest (3 year old) has just started at nursery school for 3 mornings a week and doesnt have any issues 'fitting in' or whatever.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Crikey, thats brave. Thats like living life on the buy now pay later schemes.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Crikey, thats brave. Thats like living life on the buy now pay later schemes
i guess you could look at it like that. Who knows what the future holds for any of us? Would rather have spent as much time as poss with the kids before they are off to school and that time is lost forever than paying off a mortgage. We'd pocket around £50k if we sold our house tomorrow so I'm not too worried.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm with C-G on this. Watching with interest.....
Posted 2 years ago # -
Paying a stranger to look after your children defeats the purpose of having a family IMO.
That said, I'd not second guess anyone else's choices - because everyone else's priorities are different.
I can see Yossarian's point though, although its not my style. I started working away when my lad was 7 months old and was made redundant when he was nearly three. I've been full time carer for 12 months now and I realise I've missed that time with my lad, and I deeply regret it. Having decent time with him now, before school, is some compensation, but I'll never get his toddler years back.
Posted 2 years ago # -
That said, I'd not second guess anyone else's choices - because everyone else's priorities are different.
should say I agree with that as well, our decision is best for us and our needs. Its an emotive subject and everyone will feel differently.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Paying a stranger to look after your children defeats the purpose of having a family IMO.
What IS the purpose of having a family?Posted 2 years ago # -
To keep my wife happy of course!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm really quite impressed that other than a short burst of handbags, this has been a remarkably reasonable and civil thread.
Obviously it's a ticking timebomb and no doubt some numpty will wade in and break the truce but carry on for now
(working Dad with wife working too and son in Nursery a significant proportion of the week)
Posted 2 years ago # -
To keep my wife happy of course!
Does my family keep your wife happy?Posted 2 years ago # -
Does my family keep your wife happy?
No but I do
(Sorry, you set that up too well to resist!)
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm really quite impressed that other than a short burst of handbags, this has been a remarkably reasonable and civil thread.
I think its because a. everyone on the thread is confortable with their decision and b. a parent
Posted 2 years ago # -
Posted 2 years ago # -
Also frankly having kids cant be much fun so maybe it would be better if the misses had time off.
Sorry this sentence came across quite badly I meant being pregnant cant be much fun. I dont really know I've never been pregnant. You might not want to go straight back to work after that but then looking after kids is probably more difficult.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I'm going to see if Nick is taking Lodgers... sounds like he has it sorted!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Paying a stranger to look after your children defeats the purpose of having a family IMO.
Umm - I don't think people are talking about doing it 24 hours a day.. just long enough for you to go to work then come back and spend time...
Posted 2 years ago # -
And I am still waiting for that poster to come back with the definitive description of the purpose of a family.
But I DO know the purpose of having a family isn't to spend my life washing and cleaning reusable nappies
Posted 2 years ago # -
I agree with the OP but only to a point as its a bit blinkered. It is about compromise for us. I have twins who will start daycare nursery in September. We made the choice for my wife to take an extra 6 months unpaid leave after her maternity leave and then for her to go back part time. They will be 21 months when they start.
I think they'll be at Nursery for long hours as you say, probably 8 till 5, 5:30 3 days a week. Whilst the hours are longer than ideal 3 days is a good balance IMO. Also you have to consider that my wife doesn't want to stay at home all day every day with the kids and it will be good for their development to have the social interaction and structure that nursery brings. Of course money is a motivator and my wife doesn't want to loose the benefits that staying at work in a fairly senior position afford her. But there is more to a career than money.
Anyway we are pretty happy with our decision, plus it will mean that I will have the money for the 4 ltr BMW I want!
Posted 2 years ago # -
I went back to work when both my children were 3 months old.
Child-care was shared between MrFC who does shift work, and a child-minder.
Judge me all you like...I really don't care.
Foolishly, I didn't marry a high-earner...how silly of me!
Posted 2 years ago # -
Surely the reason to have kids is so they can look after you, pay for you and wipe your backside for you when you're old and decrepit.
Alternatively, they might just bung you in the cheapest care home they can find and forget about you.
Hmmm. Some parallels here...?
(FWIW, won't be having kids as both the missus and I hate the little bastards, and we're both too selfish to waste our lives dragging them up when there's bikes to be ridden)
(Oh and my boss was back at work a week after dropping her second sprog and was available on email for all but the day she was in hospital)
Posted 2 years ago # -
..Seems that majority of people here are agreeing that leaving your child all day, every day in a nursery is 'bad' and that you need to be able to strike a balance.. hardly surprising
I personally wouldn't want to be stuck at home all day with children. I could perhaps do it for a year or two but I have other interests - I want to put skills I have learnt to good use in the world of work - I don't want my life to be just about looking after babies!
I say good luck to anybody who chooses to have children - it's very (valuable) hard work and puts me off ever having any myself
Posted 2 years ago # -
miaowing_kat - Member
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I personally wouldn't want to be stuck at home all day with children. I could perhaps do it for a year or two but I have other interests - I want to put skills I have learnt to good use in the world of work - I don't want my life to be just about looking after babies!This is the bit most of the folk who want full time stay at home parentsforget. A mother / wife who's brain has turned to mush from years of nothing but home and children is not always going to be a happy and fulfilled person. I would be insane if all I had was a house and children to occupy me. Not exactly stimulating.
The kids I know that have turned out best have had a part time stay at home parents and part time nursery. Happy and fulfilled parents appears to be the key thing however and a loving environment.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I find myself agreeing with TJ, so I'm off to open a bottle of scotch and leave the kids in front of the telly................
Posted 2 years ago # -
It would be interesting if contributors mentioned whether their parents worked/whether they were put in child care/grandparents' care etc.
Just wondering if your decision re your own children was affected by those circumstances.
Posted 2 years ago # -
My mother always worked - but part time / as a teacher so she was always home when I was. I was in nursery at 9 months ( I think full time)
Posted 2 years ago # -
My Mum stayed at home and brought up 4 children.
I naively presumed that is what I would do(not the 4 kids bit!!).
Didn't work out like that.
Quite glad it didn't really.Posted 2 years ago #
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