I am so sorry to read this. I also would suggest contacting http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk – I know my Dad had a lot of help from them after my mum died.

I also second the suggestion above to go on mumsnet, there is sadly a bereavement section on there with a number of posters who have been through similar and will be able to offer advice and a listening ear.

Lastly, you WILL get through this – speaking as a child whose mum died so was left with just my dad, I have the utmost admiration for how he coped, and you will cope too.

Really sorry to here about your loss. From someone who’s dad died at 44 from cancer and having to help mum and younger sister through the rough times and my nan seeing her son die. Have faced a similar situation. No one will turf you out of your home in the situation you are in. But you must let people know of this current situation. People , such as lenders , face this all the time and will always help you. We sort of went our own way in coming to terms with the life changing situation, but believe maybe it would have been easier, if we had someone to talk to, so would advise what other members have recommended in helping you.
People are always here to listen, but its not the same as people who are proper helpers, who will make a difference.

shit man…..

can’t offer any help, just my sympathies.

This.

Wow. My sincere sympathy to you and your family.

there is a “checklist” here which might be a good place to start:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Death/WhatToDoAfterADeath/Guide/DG_WP202300

Might be worth asking if you can change the type of mortgage you have, look at downsizing, or seeing if they will offer a repayment holiday whilst you sort things out.

And I agree with others who have said to get in touch with bereavement services as they will be able to offer advice and support. Cruse and WW are both great.

Wow!! Sincerest condolences…not sure what else to say 🙁

Have a look at http://www.unbiased.co.uk and find a good quality IFA local to you…

Best wishes to you and your kids at this difficult time.

Not had chance to read the thread in full, but if you or she have any even tenuous connection connection with the armed forces, their benevolent charities may be able to offer some help. If you or she are a civil servent, the civil service benevolent fund may be able to help as well.

All the best, seek all the help you can get, ask on here for help/advice/shoulder to cry on, none of us would want to be where you are now, really feel for you and the kids.

ondolences.. I cant imagine what it must be like emotionally or financially.
practically though, if your working the kids are going to need child care when your out. plan plan plan
take some time out from work if possible paid.. and plan every day plan contingencies etc etc.
once you have the kids care covered money will raise its ugly head..
have a clear understanding of what your current income is and be clear on the nature and value of every single financial resposibility only then can you have clarity on what to maintain reduce or eliminate.. Start with the big stuff and work your way down through all your other fixed costs

good luck, the kids will be a lot tougher than you d imagine.

Im very sorry for you loss, im afraid I cannot add anything more to the excellent advice from others. Please post if there is anything you feel we can do – even if its just to listen/read and respond. Stay strong.

Im sorry about your loss, i cannot even think what your going through.

For debt( or maybe before it starts) get in touch with CCCS who are a charity for people with money issues

They will do a breakdown of your income and outgoings then you can send it to all your creditors with what you are able to afford, they helped me out no end when I lost my job and had no income

cccs.co.uk

Just want to offer my sincerest codolences to both you and Buzz Lightyear.

Pete

thank you.

went to see Nationwide today and they couldnt have beem more helpful. They saytheir policy in such situations is an automatic hold being placed on te mortgage for three months. this is different from a payment break and wont show on my credit record. if, in two moths i think i am going to struggle they said to.come into te.branch and they will make.something fit for me. very impressed withtheir attitude.and their manner.

also dealt with.local.council, dept of work and pensions and job centre plus. they all.went out of their.way to help me as.much as they.could.

tesco bank on the other hand…

i asked for a paymet break.for a.couple of months until i sort benefits, pension value and childcarecosts out etc. they declined. the best they offered was eithertemporary reduced payments or to allow meto miss one or two payments without bombarding me with letters. howevr i would subsequentl needto make up the reduced value or missed payments bythe end of the original loan period orelse it would be classed as adefault.

grantus – is your tesco card/loan in your name (as opposed to your partners?).

My sympathies, you must all be going through hell.You certainly don’t need Tesco laying down the law !

Do as Poly mentions and check who the loan is made to. If not you or joint – and no estate to pay it off – take advice as it’s highly likely Tesco cannot pursue it, unless you wish to take it over.

Do take advice if this the case.

Here is a good quote from MSE:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=962997

Debts do not die upon death. Any debt is to be settled out of the estate deceased. If there are insufficient funds to settle any debt, then the debt is written off.

But do treat this as hearsay and take advice.

Grantus, you have my deepest condolences. I lost my father three weeks ago to the same form of cancer – he was diagnosed on the 13th June and sadly it had already spread to his liver, lungs and lymph nodes. He passed away a month later.

I’ve no useful advice other than to suggest what aka_Gilo says sounds sensible. I hope everything goes as well as it can do during this difficult time.

I had to deal with an alcoholic wife who dumped me with loads of debt and dissappeared into long term treatment. Not quite the same crushing impact as your position BUT……….. I downsized to fit with my altered financial situation and was lucky enough to have my family rally around for childcare for the two kids when I was at work. Still bastard hard but you do get out the other side. It does get better.

Just take a step back and take a good measured look at where you are, and where you need to be given your adjusted means ……….usually the decision then becomes a question of common sense and the answer becomes obvious logic that you have to go along with.

Good luck

thanks. the debt is in my name but i’m good at being a pain in the arse. my partner would have vouched forhat. i haven’t finished with tesco yet.

Grantus, I can’t offer any practical help but as someone recently bereaved – fairly unexpectedly – by that **** disease, can I add my sympathies to those offered by everyone else. I felt the same as you, the arranging the funeral filling the time, but then once that was done the emptiness became almost unbearable. I was in a position where I was able to ‘run away from it all’ for a while – I don’t suppose that is really feasible when there are others to consider.
I found that our back, as yours was, were really helpful and pointed me toward that bereavement payment and other organisations, which gave me a head start on working out what to do next.

As I said, I don’t really have any practical advice really, but if you ever want to vent to someone in a similar position do feel free to email me. I think my email address is on my profile…
I really feel for you.

Im a gp and my wife is a melanoma spcialist. She deals with lymph node dissection of advanced melanoma. My heart goes out to you and and tn. It is a truly horrible disease and i know i over refer odd looking moles urgently as i am so aware of it through my wifes work. She often comes home upset as there are many people like your wife she knows she cant fix.

Not sure where to point you.. Macmillan cancer suport, marie curie, cab etc.

All i can say is offer you my sincerest condolences at your losses. Not helpful at all but god i feel for you.

Holy crap dude, you appear to have been dealt the really sh!tty end of the stick. That metaphor doesn’t make sense.

Please keep us all in the loop and ramble as much as you need to.

One day at a time.