my partner of nearly 12 years died on 24th july after being unwell for a.month. turned out she had metastatic melanoma with secondaries in just about every organ. went into hospital on 12th diagnosed 19th told us 22nd and died.two.days later.

funeral was yesterday and reality is biting.

she didnt have life insurance because no company would offer it. when we took out our joint mortgage in 2001 she was in early stages of kidney disease hence no one would cover her. she had no death in service benefit with her employer.

i have a daughter of 9 and a son of eighteen months. the mortgage insurance we have is for illness sickness and unemploymet. i have my own separate life.cover and death in service cover. if it had happenedto me my family would have been sorted.for life. but it didnt.

i looked into the benefits and there is a non means tested payment of two grand available as a bereavemen oayment but it is for married couples or civil partnerships. we just co-habited albeit for 11 years and have boh always worked and never claimed any benefit. iearn 37k. does anyone here know what ican do? i phone my mortgage lender and the said the debt transfers to meentirely. i am worried i wont cope.financially.

please no smart.arse answers if you cant help me this isnt a troll

i sincerely hope things work out for you, unfortunately i can’t offer any advice, except that i took a mortgage holiday when the recession started to bite, most lenders should do this. my condolences

I cannot be of assistance but I’m really flipping sorry to hear that dude. I hope you get sorted. You need to speak to experts that can help ASAP before debts mount up and payments get missed though.

shit man…..

can’t offer any help, just my sympathies.

Citizens Advice Bureau ? And take somebody with you to take notes, you might not be taking much in at the moment.

And very sorry to hear about your partner.

Very sorry to read this – can’t imagine how you feel. My only tip is to get professional advice asap – Citizens Advice Bureau might be a good starting point. Good luck.

Sorry to hear this. I don’t know much about the subject, but go see the bank/building society that your mortgage is with now (plus anyone else you owe money to) – they might be able to alter your monthly payments – either way is best to inform them of the situation before you start getting late with payments etc – they’ll be more understanding/flexible this way.

I can off nothing but my sympathies,

the advice above sounds good

CAB and take someone else to take notes/ record the meeting sounds like a good idea

I’ve got nothing much to add beyond sympathy I’m afraid.

I would contact;

a) Citizens advice

and

b) find a local Winstons Wish group – it will help you and the children in the months to come and you may find people there who have been in a similar position.

It may be that you can negotiate a payment holiday with various people due to your circumstances but I woudl try an get professional advice before enterign into any agreements.

Finally, my sister and her children went through something similar to this with her husband a few years ago. I can’t say that it’s ever got easier but I think they’ve all come to terms with it in their own way now.

I hope you get all the financials sorted so you can concentrate on being with your children and helping them through this.

Very sorry to hear this.

Remember that if you go to bank speak to the Manager – don’t bother with advisers/assistants etc as they are only there to sell products to you.

Best advice is as per above – go to CAB and they can recommend a course of action. It may be worth seeing an IFA but see CAB first.

You should be able to extend the term of the mortgage to lower the payments if thats any help .Again many sympathies to you.

I can’t help, but you have my sincerest condolences.

Terrible news for you and your family, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now. My best wishes.

Your local Citizens Advice should be able to signpost you to the help you need with any benefits. I also suggest talking with somebody at Mind or any other councelling service just to talk over whats going on, it should help.

thanks. my neighbour looks after 2.kids on his own on 25k so i will do it but i dont know how yet. i’m in a bubble. the funeral was keeping me focussed on making it perfect for her but now it’s done. she was only 37. she was a very good person. it was standing room only yesterday.and we raised over 1500 quid for charity which made me feel good. but as i say, reality is slowly sinking in. i have thought of a payment holiday just so i can get sorted. will go to branch tomorrow to speak wih lender. she went trough so much to have our kids. women with her kidney problem.dont usually become pregnant. she gave us two beautiful kids okus in between she had kidney dialysis and then a transplant in 2004. her mum was the donor for her. she was some woman. cant believe she has gone. she went though so much but athe end just abouthe only organ not affected.with cancer was her new kidney which was her last act of defiance against he disease. thats how i liketo see it anyway. sorry for rambling no one on here knows.me or knew.her.but i feel like tellingandom people.about her for somereason. i know it wont make any difference to what ha happened

sorry for rambling no one on here knows.me or knew.her.but i feel like tellingandom people.about her for somereason.

ramble away, no one on here knowing you might make it easier in some ways and having somewhere you don’t have to be seen to be ‘coping’ might help?

I really would look at Winstons Wish or a similar counselling service – for both you and the children.

Deepest, sincerest condolences.

I’d second going to CAB for the financial stuff, and second Winston’s Wish for family support. They do INCREDIBLE work.

Of course you want to talk about her, she sounds like a fantastic and brave woman. I’m so glad that she gave you two children and I’m sure that you will thank her for that everyday. My boyfriend was killed by a driver whilst on holiday so his travel insurance paid out, but I can’t give you any advice I’m afraid apart from maybe talking to someone at the bank if you haven’t already done so?

shit 🙁

How much of your £37k goes on mortgage?

Financially on that income you should be fine (but I don’t know what your expenditures are like). Hopefully someone can go through your finances with you and this will be clear and you can concentrate on yourself and your kids.

You need to go through all your finances with someone – can your bank help? Or if not CAB as mentioned or a charity or friend?

Also have you talked to your employer about time off, child care etc?

Your partner sounds like a wonderful person. Carry on rambling and my sincere condolences.
Mike

Shit, so sorry to hear this.

As others have said try CAB etc.

If you’ve not previously been responsible for your family budgeting, set up a spreadsheet.

Download your last few months of bank statements.

Seperate it into categories.

1) Fixed stuff like mortgage, bills, CTax, insurance etc.
2) Essential stuff – food, petrol, kids clothes etc.
3) Other stuff.
4) Income.

You should be able to see what, if anything is left over.

Set up a tab for any debt you’ve got with minimum payment amounts, key dates like interest rate changes…

I might be teaching you to suck eggs, but could go on if you needed.

Getting it all down on paper is what any financial advice will require anyway and may help you feel better about this particular part of your situation.

thanks. i will do it. i was just having a low moment earlier. again, thank you

Grantus,

Firstly as others have said go to the CAB and get some really informed advice. Secondly as TSY says above, create a record of your outgoings and income to understand the scale of the potential problem. Thirdly identify if you can feasibly extend the mortgage – would you likely be accepted for your outstanding balance on your salary and your current equity. After that communicate with your mortgage lender openly, they prefer early and pragmatic communication of issues.

Lastly, you have my sympathy – it must be dreadful to lose someone so special to you – and from your description she sounds like a great person.

Look after yourself and again as someone else said keep rambling if it helps.

J

Nothing constructive to add other than my condolences

Awful thing for you to cope with. Just want to echo the above feelings of sympathy and condolence. Speak to your lender and maybe extend the term and switch to an interest only product? Both of those things would reduce the monthly amount although you wouldn’t be paying off the mortgage, just the interest.

grantus, I hope life improves for you and have little to offer other than condolences.

Mate my deepest sympathy

My dad went through the same scenario with three kids and as a kid you dont appreciate what he went through to keep all three of us on the straight and narrow and we have all done okay, he is 79 now and you speak about times past and he always said he had to do the right thing because that is what our mum had said to him, it was hard, he missed out on his 40s when you should be settled and enjoying life but he never gave up and all three of us appreciate that.

See CAB, Social Services and all the above mentioned organisations and take notes and use them, thats what they are there for and have all the experience to pull you through, one again gutted for you and the little ones, by best regards to you all.

My Mrs says get on to mumsnet for a look at the posts there pal as there are lots of headings for subjects that help you out.

Remember you can always come on here and talk to someone.

Condolences

As above I would arrange to speak to your Mortgage provider. I work for a very large bank (not anything to do with mortgages I’m afraid) and despite the terrible rep they have I’d be staggered if they wouldn’t do as much as they could to help. And remember, they don’t want to be taking your house from you so will look for a mutually beneficial outcome.

also…If its a Lloyds/Halifax mortgage I’d be happy to do some investigation to see whom the best person is to speak to you if you don’t feel up to being passed around the telephone banking system.

My sincerest condolences, I am lost for words as you are the same age as me, as are my kids.

As others have said, the CAB is invaluable. It may also be worth looking at the Motley Fool discussion boards for managing finances. I used to use them a few years ago and they were fantastically helpful. The Living Below your Means one was good, as was the Dealing with Debt.

http://boards.fool.co.uk/living-below-your-means-50074.aspx?mid=12604137

Money saving expert is also a fine source of information.

Looking at the longer outlook – is there any equity in your house? Could you downsize to cut your overheads?

And as everyone else has said – my deepest condolences.

Jees I’m so sorry. I lost my Mrs (43) to cancer just 3 months ago so I have some idea where you are at.

I can’t offer you financial advice. But contact me if you want someone neutral and sympathetic to listen to you. Email in profile.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

If you have a repayment mortgage look at changing it to interest only. Any direct debits or standing orders setup for your partner should be cancelled ASAP. Contact McMillIan Cancer Support they will be able to you lots of valuable advice

failing to put it into words here, but my condolences, that is truly shite.

Can I suggest the pear budget spreadsheet. Free, simple and very good for sorting out all of your monthly income and outgoings and figuring out what you’ve got left.

Download link

Best of luck, and keep posting here if it helps you at all. Plenty of people with lots of experience of just about everything and time on their hands to help.

Dave

(wanders off to sort out his life insurance…)

Condolences.

Are you in a union Grantus? They’ll help financially at times like this, plus they’ll also have free or cheap financial and legal advice.

All the best.

Have a look at charities that do debt advice, also chat to your lender, and us on here,all can help in our own way, even just by listening and reading.

Best wishes to you and your family for the future.

Speak to Cruise. My mum is a Cruise-councillor and I know they are very good. They offer personal support but also give legal, financial etc support and advice free. They will have seen situations similar to yours many times I guess

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/index.html

Good luck

C

So sorry for your loss.

I can’t add a great deal to the above other than agree with all those who’ve suggested the CAB/cruise/other berevement charity as a first port of call.

I’d also get onto the Mortgage lender ASAP. If you can avoid it I wouldn’t take a Mortgage break, you’d be better of lengthening the terms and still pay something every month.
I’d try to see someone in person rather than do it over the phone,
If you have a sensible friend/relative who is willing to help out maybe take them with you. I know it sounds odd but you will be working through your own emotions for months/years and things like formal meetings can be emotionally difficult and a hug off a mate can go a long way if it starts getting difficult.
Only other thing i’d say is you now need to run your house like a business. You need to know what is coming in, what is going out, and what else you are entitled to.
Spend some time trawling websites like ‘money saving expert’ and see what else you might be able to claim for/etc.

Good luck. You can get through this, just focus on the kids, etc but don’t forget to make a bit of time for yourself, even if its just riding like a nutter for an hour every now and again.

Wow, as someone who has lost many family members to cancer I sympathise immensely.

Could you downsize or even move to an apartment? It’s probably what I’d look to do in this situation.

Firstly my condolences for your loss – I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.

In addition to all the above suggestions, I’d strongly recommend finding an independent financial advisor. Whilst these guys make a profit, many will give very good advice for free, particularly over what you are entitled to. You will probably be able to remortgage and extend the term for almost no outlay and the IFA will get a commission on the back of it which you will not actually have to pay out for.

PM me if you want a recommendation as I’ve been dealing with the same chap for years and he’s just saved me a fortune on a house move. Whilst there’s a lot of sharks out there, a decent IFA thinks long term and doesn’t rip anyone off.

grantus – so sorry to hear of your awful loss, thinking of you.

Re your finances: I’m a recoveries manager for a large financial institution so I have some idea what I’m talking about.

Given your circumstances you will be classed as a vulnerable customer by your mortgage provider and any other creditors. As such the payments required of you for your mortgage and any other debts (secured and unsecured) must be based on your ability to pay, not on what the lender wants, or what your original contract states.

You may fall under CiFD (Customers in Financial Difficulty) which again means lenders must be extremely sympathetic to your circumstances and base any concessionary agreements on what you can evidence you can afford. However, as your income is fairly high you will only fall under CiFD if your necessary outgoings are high enough to cause you problems paying your mortgage, loans, credit cards etc.

If any creditor you deal with is not sympathetic and treats you as I’ve outlined above don’t mess about, make a formal complaint immediately. If you’re not satisfied with the response refer your complaint to the FOS (Financial Ombudsman Service).

The chances of you getting any grief over your finances in the short-term are extremely slim – huge strides have been made in recent years to protect people in situations such as yours.

Hope that helps, feel free to PM me with any specific questions.

Good luck and stay strong.