Problems in the household, and feeling out of my depth as a Dad.

Our 7 year old boy was at after school club and felt he was being treated unfairly by an older kid so turned round to him and said ‘black people are the worse kind.’ Little bastard.

He has had a massive bollocking. He has had the xbox taken away and banned from Beavers and football for a fortnight. We have had the heart to heart chat about why that is wrong, about respect and about racism. He has written letters of apology.

This is totally uncharted territory for us though. I don’t think he is actually racist, but I don’t want to excuse his behavior. I don’t want to over react, under react, make too big a deal or brush it under the carpet.

Not sure whether to speak to the school (club is separate to school) or not.

Anyone else got anything to offer? Really reaching out for advice, suggestions, experience or anything else.

Ta

Ask him to justify that statement.

I would think that anything he could come up with could easily be countered by any number of well-known people.

You’re all good. Your kid is too young to be/not be racist.

He’ll just have heard it in the playground and repeated it. I did it myself when I was a kid – used the “n” word because I’d heard someone else say it. My parents gave me the chat about tolerance and I didn’t do it again.

Fair chance he’s heard that from someone else. As far as I know kids that age don’t tend to formulate that sort of opinion independently. Worth trying to find out?

Just forget it, you’ve spoken to him/punished him that’s all you can do. He’s only 7, he was probably trying to be as mean as he could be. I doubt he is really racist.

Ask him to justify that statement.

Yeh, ask him why he thinks that, where he got the idea

better still, why he said it, since it could’ve been genuinely just an obvious characteristic (as in “ginger/fat/skinny/short/poor/rich/spotty people are the worst kind”)

Our 7 year old boy was at after school club and felt he was being treated unfairly by an older kid so turned round to him and said ‘black people are the worse kind.’ Little bastard.

Please tell me youre not calling your own son alittle bastard`.

My eldest is 7 and I can understand that feeling that you’re out of your depth. I feel like that when my two are arguing about a football so god know how you feel.

Sounds to me as if he’s picked it up from somewhere else and that’s what I’d be worried about. Not that he’ll become a rampant racist, because with you as his parent that’s not going to happen. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Don’t see it as a label, he probably doesn’t even fully understand what hes saying. It’s a passing comment picked up from somewhere else and repeated without him thinking about it. He’s not racist. Sounds like you handled it well.

He’s not knowingly done anything more wrong than anything else he’s done wrong without knowing. Obviously the outcome is very different but the severity of the outcome wasn’t what he expected or unintended.

Correct him about it in the same way that you’d correct him about anything else.

My feelings ( as a non parent) is that that is quite enough fuss to make over it. If he hasn’t got racist attitudes from you he has probably picked up the phrase in the playground

Kids are daft and will repeat any old bollox, I once pronounced as the whole family ran to the car for a day out ‘last one to the car’s a virgin!’. Might be worth thinking about where he picked it up from, my niece came out with some inappropriate stuff turns out her paternal grandmother (who is a tit) was, inadvertently though idiotically, putting the words in her mouth.

It’s kids!! My Mrs wanted the ground to swallow her when my eldest came over and proclaimed “that brown boy had hit him” 😆

He’s 7, unless he’s wanting a Britain First membership and Mein Kampf for Xmas I wouldn’t worry. Kids just repeat things and at times say daft things to get a reaction. Christ I remember some of the horrible shit we used to say in upper juniors. E.g. girls give you aids 😯 WTF?!?

My first thought was that he’s repeated something he’s heard someone else say, without really thinking what it means. I’d ask him where he’s heard it said and explain why it’s unacceptable.

I think you over reacted.

How is your son racist?

He lacks the emotional maturity to fully understand his comment, it’s impact and long-term affect on the victim.

My son (6) says things as he’s learning but also likes to provoke a reaction. Anything negative doesn’t get blown out of proportion but talked about.

Don’t call your son racist.

When my son was 5 he called me a fuggin d*head. I asked how/what- he said ‘well you swear, you called someone a idiot’. He thought idiot (a negative) is the same as actual swearing. Rather than flip and ban pudding I explained to him. Educate 🙂

Kids say what they see, and/or what they know hurts. They haven’t learned politics or sensitivity yet, it’s up to you to teach them.

I would treat it as an opportunity to talk about the fundamental equality of all of us, and, while letting the punishment stand, draw a line under it afterward.

It is unlikely he is actually racist; he probably just heard that kind of talk somewhere.

That said, it is important that he never forgets how serious an offence racist talk is, and your concern suggests he never will.

[Related anecdote: I grew up in a multi-cultural environment with a best friend who was black from Barbados. Once, when I was in grade 4 (sic), I called him the ‘n-word’. He beat the shit out of me. His words were ‘You can call me anything, but don’t dare use that word ever again.’ I was just trying it on, but it was a lesson I never forgot.]

could’ve been genuinely just an obvious characteristic (as in “ginger/fat/skinny/short/poor/rich/spotty people are the worst kind”)

this is what I am thinking

ginger/fat/skinny/short/poor/rich/spotty people are the worst kind”

Oh leave me alone!!!!!

He said spotty, not scotty.

Oh right fair enough

Bit of a pc over reaction?

Or don’t you remember being 7 and saying stupid stuff you didn’t even understand? Ask your own parents, they’ll soon remind you? (what, you didn’t take advice or think it through before flying off the handle?)

Sounds a bit like the op is more horrified what people might think of *them* by proxy, rather than putting the child at the heart of things.

A simple, non patronising and honest open explanation might have not gone amiss. Now your child is going to be too terrified to discuss it, or anything similar in the future due to your extreme over reaction.

Dumb honky!

I think you should phone the police.

FFS Are you Kyle’s ‘mom’ from South Park the Movie?

#blmuk

You can replace the word ‘Black’ with many other words, kids are cruel and will focus on anything that is different or hurtful. At 7 years old there is no way they understand what they were saying – it was just a heat of the moment thing in an effort to say the most hurtful thing they could in that moment. The black kid on the receiving end wouldn’t have understood either, they would have taken it in the same way as if he was ginger haired and had been called ‘ginger’ or any other word. Kids are not little adults. They are not politicised at that age.

My youngest said a similar thing to me when she was 4, thankfully to me and not the kid. Kids just pick up on differences between people, they are very observant. These are the opportunities a ‘decent’ parent will take to start the teaching process with their kids.

I blame the parents … 😆

It’s just naivety/stupidity of a SEVEN year old

Don’t over-react out of your own humiliation …. (please don’t take that as a dig …. id be super embarrassed as well)

Oh …. and he’d have learn nothing…. unless you’ve sent him to bed with no puddling

😀

I would make him read/watch Roots. 😉

fwiw -I agree with ro5ey and co..

Perhaps in his limited life experience so far, black people really are the worst kind, because of the older boys nastiness. In time, he will come to realise that arseholes come in all different colours.
I’d classify myself as racist in his regard because I’d consider Asians as the worst people to buy/sell a car from. Based on my personal experience rather than any inherent dislike of a particular race.

Maybe sign him up to a far right group so he can see what utter dickheads white people can be.

At 40 odd YO, and as probably the least homophobic bloke / other half combo in our circle i had a serious falling out with a gay mate.
One verbal insult finally got through to me and rung my bell, and yup, out come the “queer” and other tired old insults to the point that another mate took me to one side and said “Stop, this aint you”

So what im getting at is if a liberal minded educated adult can resort to the lowest point scoring to verbally hurt another, why is it so unusual for a nipper?

Go with the above advice, shrug it off as a kids one off outburst and find positive examples rather than negatives

Making it clear why what he’s done is bad makes sense. When I was 6 I was made to sit with the only black kid in our class because we didn’t get along. No one explained why and I assumed it was out of spite because, irrespective of race, I thought he was a knob, and he thought the same of me. In hindsight I think my teacher thought I was a massive racist, and if that’d been explained to me I’d probably have thought about it differently at the time.

I think you over reacted.

Indeed!

when I was at primary school, exactly the same age, we had a new girl from Bangladesh start in our class. One of the boys decided one day in the playground it would be a good idea to start dancing in circles around her chanting chocolate face, chocolate face. As we heard the chants I remember we were all stood there in astonishment, we were looking across at each other and everyone was thinking this is just weird, we all instinctively knew it was wrong. She began crying loudly and the teacher on duty quickly intervened to pull him away and he was taken indoors for a good talking to. The girls friends rushed over to help. This would have been 1977-78.

OP being a parent is always testing. I would not acuse you of an over-reaction, you took firm action over something that was unacceptable. I would say you should talk through the situation, be supportive of his fristration at the bad treatment but reiterate the colour related reaction is unacceptable. If he takes all this onboard you can roll back the xbox/footie ban after say a week.

Nothing to add to what has been said i don’t think he is a racist and i do think that a massive sanction for a first offence is an over reaction , i would have settled for a talk an apology and a loss of one days treats/privileges (less if the unfair treatment point had anything behind it.)

Watch out – I have a nephew who is 19 and is now the “Tory boy” equivalent of UKIP. Constantly going on about Johnny Foreigner.

Fortunately since he is an adult I’ve told him to shut up as I wasn’t interested in hearing his bilge. 🙂

That’s 100% uncling for you.

Our school was predominantly afro-carribean/white/Sikh Indian so it was never an issue. My bestmate however went to a school with one Indian boy who they nicknamed ‘chocolate face’. He knew no better. No one corrected them and it was only as he progressed in school that a self realisation dawned on him. He’s now a better bloke. A bloody good bloke.

7 year olds are the worst