7th July – went for a 20mile local jaunt. Lots of overgrown bracken, ferns, knotweed cover the trails in warm humid conditions. Essentially it was tick and parasite heaven. I get back and find something has feasted on my leg. There’s a bump, some local tissue hardening, bit of a rash but nowt scary. It becomes a tad itchy but some hydrocortisone cream takes care of it.
A few days later and a chemist and doctor both agree it’s going away nicely, (I was at the quacks about an inflamed capsule caused by over-awesomeness on my part).
Over the last few days the rash has come back even bigger with lots of blisters, some the size of a split pea. It doesn’t look pretty down there. Lots of hot oozing….and not the good kind. I’ve got an emergency appointment with the quack in an hour but I thought I would consult the collective brain first.

So then, what have I got? the plague, Lyme disease, good AIDS?
I’ll try and do a pic later.

there’s 200 baby spiders under your skin feasting on your muscles.

unfortunately it’s not good AIDS, its cat AIDS. careful now x

how long have I got?

*pushes breakfast away, suddenly not hungry any more*

nettle rash

mmmmm.. good to know you’re off to the doc, a good friend caught Lymes disease recently… the lesion on her foot was exactly the same as the one in your pic!

Not to worry you, but have you ever seen The Fly?

Not wanting to pre-empt the doc, but…

Can I have your bikes?

I does not look like classic Lyme to me.

Looks more like a reaction to something poisonous like giant hogweed but its a bit too long for that.

Lets us know what the doc says will you

i think the person who suggests the correct diagnosis should be awarded his bikes….

*starts clearing space in the kitchen for more bikes*

It’s Ebola Virus isn’t it?

I’m going for Giant Hogweed burn.

Ugh, looks like rice krispies growing on your leg.

Didn’t Harry Potter go to Hogweeds school 😯

Ebola!……in Stockport!!

Any bets on necrotizing fasciitis?

Have you popped one to see what’s in there?

See you on the other side buddy.

Prometheus ?

Ring worm ?.

Bit of sandpaper will sort that out.

It’s been more than an hour?

do you think they’ve started attacking it with a hot spoon yet?

I predict a diagnosis of impetigo and a course of erythromycin, or amputation, but then I’m not a medical doctor…

Just did a google images search on blisters, nearly vomm’ed.

If it were me I would have waited to rule out anything potentially embarrasing like syphilis or chlamydia before making such a public statement.

What bikes have you got and in what sizes? I don’t want to be clearing space for stuff I don’t want.

waited to rule out anything potentially embarrasing like syphilis or chlamydia

did a septic dog try and shag his leg on that ride?

Probably allergic to wheat. Not actually allergic to wheat, but the more fashionable ‘probably allergic to wheat’

After all this suspense I hope it serious.

back again!
annnnnd the answer wasssss……. cellulitis, and a big one at that.
The quack looked and then backed off sharpish. I’m on 4-a-day super sized granny strength antibollocks which only a seasoned hooker could swallow in one go. If there’s no improvement by Friday then it’s amputation.

Your leg has rejected your silly shoes.
I respect it’s decision.

Oh and you’ve got a ruler stuck in it as well.
Could be that.

recovery periods last from 48 hours to six months

I_did_dab was the closest but I’m not ruling out Phil’s cat AIDS. For my final meal I’m having another one-a-day antihistamine, 500mg of flucloxacillin, 2x glucosamine 2KCL tablets and a cod liver oil tablet.

Hear me rattle.

Cellulitis? Isn’t that fat on bum / legs?

I’m not fat….it’s my hormones

…they like cake

Damn, beaten to the punch. I was going to go for cellulitis and a course of fluclox. Although to be honest if it was me I’d have gone for Augmentin as it’s probably from a bite.
Draw round it with a biro. If it is bigger than it is now on Friday, go back and see your GP again.

Tide mark drawn 🙂

cellulitis

quacks always say cellulitis when they don’t actually know what it is, expect another GP visit, then a long wait for a referal, biopsy, then a proper diagnosis from your local Dermatology/histopathology team

wow.

that’s gross. what’s cellulitis exactly?