Paddy and Murphy go to London to donate sperm.
But it was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus!
A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whisky.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let
alcohol touch my lips!"
Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your plane!"
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!
I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"
So he leaves the site.Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the dark!" says Murphy.
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says
"You know what I want don't you ?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole **** bed by the looks of it!"
Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks
"What did you do ?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden.Let's see how they like it!"
Farmer Paddy was shocked after being informed by the vet that all his cows had Bluetongue.
"Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"
Murphy and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Murphy say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Murphy replies "Miles, from London!"
