Well, my missus anyway. We were away for a few days last week & stayed in a cottage near Berwick & on talking to the owner I asked how many acres they farmed & later on my better(?) half who's a 53 year old staff nurse so not entirely stoopid says, 'so how big's an acre then, is it about the size of a field?' I nearly spilled my beer. She obviously doesn't realise that fields come in different sizes!
Lets hear yours.
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Out of the mouths of babes....
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Posted 2 years ago #
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Can you get a tan from the moon?
Posted 2 years ago # -
Told the other half that scottish posties can wear kilts if they wanted
to,she asked me if Royal mail had their own tartan 
Posted 2 years ago # -
Ex-GF of mine was convinced that Normandy was in the South of France. Her logic? Well, it's South of the UK.....
She's now a successful journalist. And still hot.
Posted 2 years ago # -
at my cousins wedding (who is 22) my two year old went over to her and her new (grey haired late forty something year old) husband and said does this mean i have another granddad now
Posted 2 years ago # -
I found out yesterday that Sweeney Todd was a fiction! (I thought he was real)
Posted 2 years ago # -
Missus TinMan was thinking of buying some of those placky bags you suck the air out of to save space when storing things.
She asked me: Does our hoover have a suck function?
Posted 2 years ago # -
I once told Mrs. S that Dulux had bought the rights to English sheepdogs and only they were now allowed to breed them and that prices for pups had gone up by 1000%. Yup HL&S.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Me to my 3 year old daughter:
Dad - "What have you been doing?"
Daughter - "Looting"
Posted 2 years ago # -
my (then) toddler on being denied bathroom access because I was doing a number two:
"has it got sweet corn in it?"
Posted 2 years ago # -
my daughter (aged 2 at the time)when we arrived from a stressed out car drive quite late for christmas lunch: 'Granny, whats does bl00dy f**cking traffic lights mean?'
Posted 2 years ago # -
Can you see out of a glass eye?
Convinced my other half that wombles are real. Grey, about the size of a badger. Obviously don't dress up like they do on the telly, origanate from Eastern Europe, hence Uncle Bulgaria.
She also beleived that it is easier to a ride a bike south than north. The earth in;t a perfect sphere, about 80miles shorter round the poles than the equater, so you get further from the centre as you go south (or north if you are in the southern hemispere) Had a good laugh at her when I told her it was rubbish. Was reading a geology textbook some weeks later and said 'you know what I said about it being easier to go south on a bike? Turns out it's actually true!.' Got her with the same thing twice.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Not from a female, but one of my friends thought that the Jap's had attacked Poole Harbour.
When my wife and i first got together, she commented on how nice my Mr Miyagi aftershave smelt. She still gets regular ribbings about it now, but she still buys me a new bottle of Issey Miyaki every year.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Our little 'un is great. She was very excited when her 'wizard' teeth were on their way. She also liked 'borganic' veg, which i still say now. Just to remind her
Posted 2 years ago # -
those huge circular steel frames, which house expandable gas storage tanks - tank was at the bottom, just the frame, GF asked me what it was, i said a storage tank for fresh air. she said 'oh', we carried on.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Daughter about 3 years old in supermarket blurts out "Daddy, that man is a big fat lardy" just as the piped music stopped and we were the only other ones in the aisle. The bloke was a walking wheelie-bin though, so she was right.............
Posted 2 years ago # -
My gf took me to Prague for my birthday last year. Before we went, we were sat around one day discussing what we could do over there and she said "Can we go to the seaside?"
I had to get the map and point out where Prague was, with specific mention of the fact that the nearest coast was 300 miles away.
Geography and navigation aren't her strong points...
Posted 2 years ago # -
My god daughter had been 'helping' me fix the bike in the garage and got bored so went to play with her dolly. She put a sling on the arm and her mummy asked if her dolly had hurt her arm.
Abigail (about 3 at the time) replies : Yes and it is Proper Bolloxed!
Posted 2 years ago # -
My friends' daughter, Myfanvi (how do you spell a Welsh name?):
- Granny, do you kiss Grandad's willy?Posted 2 years ago # -
i told my ex wife her dictionary may be worth a fortune as some words had been left out and hers got through the quality check. i think i said gullible wasn't in it. she proudly found it and i said what does it mean. she didn't click.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Walking around Ikea "that's funny, Ikea's colours are exactly the same as Bjorn's bike". (Bjorn is a Swedish triathlete)
Posted 2 years ago # -
a few weeks ago I was bringing junior carlos (nearly 5) home from school when a car cut us up , I only just stopped myself cursing to hear 'for f*cks sake' from the back seat.
I nearly wee'd! , but when we got home explained that this was a naughty word that only daddys say when things go wrong.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I was talking to a 40 year old woman recently, who genuinely thought that it was a different Moon that she saw on holiday in Spain than the one she could see from home. No amount of explanation could convince her of the truth.
Posted 2 years ago # -
A mate - from off here so I won't mention his name - runs a PC repair business, and offered to do me a favour when my PC was playing up in return for me showing him a local MTB route.
Mate: after pulling and poking the innards of the machine with no joy "So what is it...?"
2 year old: "It's a computer"
Posted 2 years ago # -
Wife pointed at the garden fence and asked "What's that black bird called?"
Posted 2 years ago # -
DavidB - Member
Wife pointed at the garden fence and asked "What's that black bird called?"Nigel.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Ah ha! I've just remembered another one she came out with a couple of years ago. We were ready to drive down to Spain & were deciding wether to leave on Wednesday or Thursday morning, there were a few things to sort out but she said, 'ok, so we'll leave Wednesday or Thursday, or which ever comes first'. Pi$$ed myself all the way to Alicante.
Posted 2 years ago # -
"has it got sweet corn in it?"
Used to tell guests at the ski hotel I worked at that moguls were made by Marmots; yep, they're like alpine mole hills.
really?!??!?
Yep, true.
Posted 2 years ago # -
my 3yo daughter last weekend
"Granny has got big boobies... but they're a bit bent. They are very floppy when she walks(accompanied by actions) I want big boobies too."
Posted 2 years ago # -
Used to tell guests at the ski hotel I worked at that moguls were made by Marmots; yep, they're like alpine mole hills.
I persuaded someone on a recent skiing trip that marmots were actually vicious predators. Far more scary than the wolves that were up the mountain.
Posted 2 years ago # -
I new a very beautiful girl who thought leather came from sofas
Posted 2 years ago # -
my daughter aged 3 as a dwarf walks into the shop we were in "look daddy it's a gnome" i screamed with laughter, he was not impressed!.
Posted 2 years ago # -
Yesterday, my three year old son looked at us as we were trying to get him to bed and said 'You two are such buggers...'.
We failed somewhat in the keeping-a-straight-face department.
Posted 2 years ago # -
wife in the middle of windemere " if you don't stop rocking this boat i'm getting out"
Posted 2 years ago # -
A mates 3 year old daughter spent the entire of a christening service staring at the roof of the church. We were all wondering what she was looking at so intently. At the end she nods confidently and says "yep! Big enough for a giraffe"
Posted 2 years ago #
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