…on your bike

We’ve all done stupid things off it, so that doesn’t count.

My lights suddenly died last night. So I decided I could probably make the last descent without them. John rode behind me, so all i could see was my shadow, as I rode down the ice cream run pretty much blind.

With hindsight, this probably isn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. Amazingly, like a befuddled pensioner: “I’VE STILL GOT ALL MY OWN TEETH”. I suspect this is more through luck than judgement. I reckon ts a 9 on the stupidometer rating

List your stupidity below please. And your stupidometer rating

Foot into the front wheel – slow endo.

Hand into the front wheel on a road bike – faster endo and overnight in hospital.

Went off a ramp into a lake as a kid without checking the depth of the water I would be landing in. Turned out to be only about 10 inches deep. Think thats when my voice broke back the other way.

Coming down ventoux, “oh no, its starting to pour it down, bet if I go quicker I’ll get to the bottom before the roads are properly wet”.

2 months later, “alright, lets see if I can ride a bike again…”

Off the bike (as a kid) stuck a knife into a toaster to free some stuck toast – sadly the toaster was still on, flash, bang, no lights. Parents till reckon the only thing that kept me alive was that the knife was an old ivory handled jobbie so the current never grounded through me.

On the bike, somewhere around nidderdale, big swampy area, just tried to ride through it, front wheel sank to the hub, bike stopped, rest of bike just kept moving. Mega shitty faceplant result – no damage except to my pride!

On my 21st (??? memory hazy) birthday I had to explain to an irate (then bemused) copper that I hadn’t actually made a rude hand gesture at an hoffizer of the law, from the back seat of my mates Orion 1600i Ghia… 😳 *

No hoffizer, what I was actually doin was scrathing me kneee with me elbow.

That cleared that up, then
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ETA * Ahem, celebratory “day out” to Newquay

As a kid, while cycling along, I put my hand down to stop my EverReady front light from rattling and put my fingers into the front wheel.
Ouch!

Off the bike (as a kid) stuck a knife into a toaster to free some stuck toast – sadly the toaster was still on, flash, bang, no lights.

I do this all the time to get stuff out the toaster, when the toaster isn’t actually toasting, but still plugged in. Are modern toasters different, or am I a badass?

ever tried riding with your hands crossed over – right hand on left grip and vice versa. I dit – it hurt.

Put my mobile in my jacket’s inside front left pocket.
Popping front wheel over puddles in the middle of nowhere, decked it broke right collar bone in three. Had to limp four miles to civilisation and ask old lady to put her hand in my pocket to call ambulamce.

I did the famous “one last go” and crashed hard. My worst injury – a tiny chip in my elbow.

Just stupid

As a kid I tried to ride with my hands crossed on the bars – didn’t get very far before splatting on the road

Cycling home from school one handed, carrying a javelin in the other, someone called out my name, I turned my head and somehow stuck the javelin in the front wheel. Over the bars. Ripped out half a dozen or so spokes. Ripped myself a bit, too, but no damage from the javelin, rather luckily.

Just seen the “on bike” qualifier 👿

Well, like I said, memory hazy, a bike might have been involved…

rode up along a bank on my bmx, not looking where I was going I swiftly discovered the newly dug drainage channels slightly wider than a bmx front wheel. bike disappeared downwards and I sailed forwards through the air to a gravel rashed face.

rode off the side of a disused railway platform after realizing my mates had stopped behind.

i was very pissed. i turned to see where they were. i forgot there was a 4ft drop next to me…..

put my willy into a vacuumn cleaner to see what it felt like 😉 10

This is one of my favourite stupid bike pictures (not me).

vinnyeh – Member

Cycling home from school one handed, carrying a javelin in the other, someone called out my name, I turned my head and somehow stuck the javelin in the front wheel. Over the bars. Ripped out half a dozen or so spokes. Ripped myself a bit, too, but no damage from the javelin, rather luckily.
Awesome on so many levels 🙂

A javelin on a bike FFS – 😆

I’ve never thought of trying to ride with my hands crossed on the bars but now despite the only 2 people I’ve ever heard of doing it saying it doesn’t end well there’s a certain inevitability about what I’ll be doing on the bike tomorrow…

Did the “one more go” thing though – 6 weeks off work and 4 months off the bike.

Slow down to pass woman walking dog, woman has no control of dog who heads in the direction of my other half’s ankle for a snack. Get annoyed, stop to go back and have a word, drop map, forget to unclip and end up in a heap on the floor.

When I was a student in Leeds, one night after the Otley Run (a local pub crawl) I stupidly rode round to my missus’ house. Going uphill, very slowly, I rode into the back of a parked car & knocked my two front teeth out. Very silly indeed.

Have to agree with TJ. Thats a straight ten on the stupidometer.

I’ll carry this javelin home on my bike. What could possibly go wrong?

Trying to get home from school on my new bike as fast as I could. Tried to pedal round the corner. inner pedal clipped the floor, bike jolted and down I went at a busy junction.

Riding back home after playing rugby. I had scored 5 tries (we were playing against a bunch of grannies, obviously! 😉 ) and was therefore very drunk. My ride back home was through an unlit park.

I was doing perfectly fine until I decided to start “carving some turns”. Cue brand new pair of jeans ripped to bits, bloodied elbows and knees and me referring to myself as “a total fanny” all through someone’s housewarming to which we had been invited later that evening…

I was carrying my trombone on my bike once. For a laugh I thought I’d play some tunes to some schoolgirls I was passing – I can ride no hands.

Unfortunately the bell-end (I kid you not, that’s what they are called) of the trombone obscured my vision and I cycled straight into a trench dug for repairing gas-mains.

Fortunately nothing exploded and the girls laughed as I emerged from the trench and played a Tom & Jerry style “wheeer-eeeeer-eeehhhp” – the trombone still functioned, albeit bent.

Even though it was in the 70’s I still look back and think, how stupid that I was allowed to sign out a javelin from school, and carry it home without a case of any description- in fact I doubt the school owned any.

Also worthy of note: After consuming far too many units of fizzy euro-lager of a Friday evening – enough in fact to convince me I was some sort of freeeride god – I decided to jump a flight of steps in town.

There was only the vaguest possibility this might have ended well. However the locked-out forks put paid to that as I landed. Result – two broken ribs. I am an idiot

That deserves a round of applause there cynic-al 🙂

Decided to rummage around in my back pocket at the end of a road ride. Couldn’t find what I was after so tried using the other hand at the same time. Hit a lump in the road, hands now jammed in pocket – result face plant at 15mph without arms free to protect the old boat race. It stung a bit.

When I first started MTBing, I rode my mates Big Hit out of the back of the racevan (Karting) managed to get away with it, so I thought I would try it on my hardtail (first MTB and only 3 week after buying it) ended up on my face and I looked like the Phantom of the opera for a week, one side scarred and mangled the other perfectly OK.

still can’t do drop-offs properley 😥

Thanks binners, my creative writing is coming along nicely don’t you think?

I had to explain to an irate (then bemused) copper that I hadn’t actually made a rude hand gesture at an hoffizer of the law,

talk about living life on the edge… you are flippin c.r.a.z.y.. the stories you’ll be able to tell..

While riding along, my front mudguard was rattling so I gave it a kick. It seemed a little better, so I took a second kick…

and missed. Got my toes jammed in between the spokes, and netween the spokes and forks, so went straight over the bars.

I’d have given that quite a high stupid-o-meter rating but as I wasn’t carrying a javelin or a trombone it now seems almost sensible

Having tinkered with my BMX headset as a kid off I toddle to the track. First run in I discovered the importance of tight bolts as bars and stem parted from frame while airborne. Wallop!

Forgot to tie in to my harness once when climbing. 2/3 of the way up a 7c at Kilnsey just after a big lunge to a good hold it falls out leaving me pretty shaken to say the least. Luckiest escape ever.

The javelin story is the first time a forum post has actually made me “LOL” – superb! Can I ask why the school let you take it home – were you going to practice in the park?

I went down Ditchling beacon sat in the front basket of a mates butchers bike when I was 15.

We were gradually getting faster as we went down – defintely getting floaty on some of the ramps and runnign into oncoming traffic on some of the corners. All I could see were my knees and feet and the scenery rushing up towards me.

At the bottom I said to my mate ‘Can you smell burning’ his reply;

“Yes, the brakes caught fire about half way down so I had to stop using them”

I think, at the time, we just laughed and carried on. It just makes me shudder to think about it now.

talk about living life on the edge… you are flippin c.r.a.z.y.. the stories you’ll be able to tell..

The alleged hand gesture was just one of those things… it was the response and the copper’s face that had us all in stitches

Broke two fingers wiping off the back tyre after riding through some glass, pulls the fingers down into a tyre/seattube gap that’s not really big enough.

Then after they recovered I thought ‘I’ll be really careful if I ever do that again’…

Then broke another finger doing exactly the same.