You can’t learn gravitas. You either have it or you don’t

In that case there’s no point giving feedback that someone needs to work on it.
Actually, there isn’t a lot of point in work based feedback anyway, I’ve found. You need to work on changing your personality. Er, but it’s my personality.

this is gravitas done to perfection

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMQNH9G5nbI[/video]

It’s like 1993 in here.

Any other PopPsyc “I can change your personality in 10 days” aficionados care to share more of this because for the MrMagoos of the world they’d be most interested, f’o S’sho.

Lesson one: never start a sentence with “Ok…”.

I think a lot of it is defensiveness (in the listener) before a sentence is even half way through, you see it in tradesmen a fair bit, that look of derision as if something tricky or more time consuming is going to be asked for, it’s almost a personal attack on them instead of a discussion about what and how to achieve it. Gravitas is listening and offering a constructive view on how something is going to be achieved and offering solutions not problems. It shows you want the best and to see the finished result and know how that can happen or good reasons why something has to be re-appraised.
Also a total lack of bullshit, plus if you have gravitas you point out the bullshit and offer reasons why that notion is based on fantasy and not the reality of the situation.

I guess you only get it from consistently delivering, you can’t learn it from watching a YouTube tutorial delivered by somebody in a shiny suit.

Think “what would David Davis do” and do the opposite.

If you don’t know the answer say “I don’t know”. It will add weight to your other pronouncements.

Be more Siegfried and less Tristan.

Have you considered a pipe?

Confidence. Belief in what you’re saying. If you don’t believe it then no one else will

Competence. Knowledge of the actual content, that in itself will give you a right to speak

Brevity. Say less, say it once, rephrase it if required. Verbosity impacts on gravitas. Preparation helps a lot with this

Presence. Be present in the moment. Concentrate on what’s going on, actively listen, use body language and in particular eye contact

act like you are supremely confident

there are things you can do in order that you’re listened to, mainly around picking your moment to speak.
but it’s also an intrinsic quality of some people.

The first question you need to ask is, am I a cowboy or an indian?

Next, don’t go into a meeting without being locked and loaded.

Once there, shoot from the hip.

Finally, remember to take no prisoners.

Whenever I meet someone and extend my hand to shake theirs and they offer their hand to me palm side

Best to tickle their palm while holding eye contact and smiling seductively.

act like you are supremely confident

I’m not sure that gravitas and confidence are necessarily interchangeable; I’ve met many supremely confident people who were utter knobends.

It’s not something you have, it’s something you earn, and you can learn how to earn it. There are some good tips above and some lousy ones. Not using your hands is like speaking with a gag. You can control a group of people like an orchestra, with looks, nods, shakes of the head, moving forward and back in your seat, putting things on the table, opening or closing hands, bigger gestures, looking at the floor or the ceiling, or out of the window. People are visual things, play on that.

Think back to your school days. There were the teachers who took a while to get calm before starting. Then there was the seen-it-all language teacher. She walked in, messed around with her stuff, found a working board pen, opened her book at page whatever then moved to center stage, swept both arms out as she stamped a foot and then pointed at whoever hadn’t gone silent as she bid you bonjour with eyes scanning for someone doing something that would make them that day’s target. All done with a mischievous smile.

So to summarise…….

Don’t use your hands.
You can’t learn gravitas.
Be yourself.
Under no circumstances should you ever use your hands.
You can earn gravitas (a bit like clubcard points).
Gravitas and confidence are not the same.
Be empathetic (or pretend to)
Nod a lot and only speak in short bursts about stuff you know about.
Say “I don’t know” a lot.
Don’t stand for any bullshit.
Don’t be yourself, pretending is key.
Wear a suit or something.

Alternatively just ignore what was said at the appraisal and by the time the next one rolls around everyone will have forgotten what was said at this one 😉

Alternatively, just get all Mad Maximus gladiatorial on them and kill everybody.

Then they’ll not be questioning your gravitas.

deepen your voice, talk slower, grow a bit taller, have grey hair.

Ok. I have a meeting on Monday with some senior chaps I am going to practise the not talking much and slowly thing and let others ramble on. As I’m the only one who has a Scooby what is going on this might be interesting.

If that fails I’m going to follow bodgy’s suggestion.

The usual board type presentation goes something like this:

Short and sweet visual slide deck prepared
Rehearsed and confident in pitch understand what I’m looking for. you get squeezed to end of the meeting, 15 min slot is now 5.
30 secs in get asked random question, further random questions so you end up talking all over the topic rather than the structured planned approach…finish thinking you’ve just been kicked about a bit and wonder why you bothered doing any prep at all.

seriously starting to think about jacking it in and learning a trade.

I’d start with track 7, learn the chords first then memorise the lyrics. Before you know if you be belting out the whole album

[video]https://youtu.be/CIpmYEYC2rU[/video]

I am going to practise the not talking much and slowly thing and let others ramble on

Remember to not use your hands or wave them about like you’re on fire. None of this halfway house bullshit. Commitment is a sign of good gravitas.

Don’t talk too slowly or they’ll think you are actually slow. There is a guy at our place who talks slowly and takes time to answer questions. He just gets ribbed by everybody. All my conversations with him open with me saying ‘just get to the **** point Geoff’

funkmasterp – Member
So to summarise…….

Don’t use your hands.
You can’t learn gravitas.
Be yourself.
Under no circumstances should you ever use your hands.
You can earn gravitas (a bit like clubcard points).
Gravitas and confidence are not the same.
Be empathetic (or pretend to)
Nod a lot and only speak in short bursts about stuff you know about.
Say “I don’t know” a lot.
Don’t stand for any bullshit.
Don’t be yourself, pretending is key.
Wear a suit or something.

Erm.. wing it…

2 pages and no mention of Culture spaceships? I’m dissapointed…

Sincerity is the most important tool in business.

Once you’ve learned to fake that you’ve got it nailed.

DT78 – Member
As I’m the only one who has a Scooby what is going on this might be interesting.
…
30 secs in get asked random question, further random questions so you end up talking all over the topic rather than the structured planned approach…

ABC!
You’re there to give your message. That’s what’s important and what they need to hear. If random qs come up:
Acknowledge – thanks for the q, give a short answer if you can, then…
Bridge – ‘that’s related to my point because’, or ‘i’ll touch on that later in the conversation..’
Continue with your message.

Media training 101 – politicians do it all the time but always forget about the ‘acknowledge/ answer’ bit so they just look arrogant and bluster on.

If you get it right, you look confident, unflappable and able get your message across effectively

Everything flashinthepan said.

from Sheck near the start of the thread:

Don’t ALWAYs put yourself down… don’t be ALWAYS be the class idiot… don’t ALWAYS turn stuff into a joke etc

…not everyone needs to be told this stuff, but as one of the gravitasily challenged I certainly do. I’d add that not everyone finds false self deprecation charming; jokes just confuse some folk including senior individuals you might want to go along with you; and folk you line manage appreciate a bit of sober and serious now and again, including when you’re representing their work.

So for me, used to operating in zero gravitas as I am, it means remembering to dial it down a bit when going for the easy laugh in a meeting etc. Makes life a bit more tedious, but hey, we’re not here to have fun?

2 pages and no mention of Culture spaceships? I’m dissapointed…

Glad I’m not the only one

but hey, we’re not here to have fun?

You might not be.
I certainly am.
Gravitas be damned.

I was joking.

I’ve just been working on this for a series of presentations I’ve been doing. One of the things that has helped is some stakeholder mapping to make sure you are talking about what they are interested in.
Shape your tone for the audience, sales guys love the messages and phrases they can replay. FD wants the details and depth. Conduct risk wants etc…
The hardest change for me was in working on a verbal crux. I tend to say ‘yes?’ at the end of a sentence or statement. Consciously stopping this and allowing Your stakeholder to respond has helped a lot.

Begin every second sentence, irrespective of content, with the words: “And you’re possibly not going to like this but…”

Thinking of those I have encountered who I would say have gravitas, I’d say less is more.

In general discussion, don’t stray out of your area of competence. If you don’t know, say so; if you’re guessing, say so. DO NOT BULLSHIT.

Not sure I agree with the speaking slowly bit. I’d say speak naturally, but don’t speak much. Make sure what you say is well thought through.

Doing a brief or presentation is a little different. Be well prepared, expect interruptions, and think about how you’ll adapt when they say you’ve got 5 minutes instead of 20.

The confidence others mention will come from knowing what you are on about and only saying things which are well considered.