Couple of weeks back I received a letter from tesco bank telling me that they’d screwed up with the t’s and c’s on a loan I’d had with them. Plus a cheque for 3 and a half grand.

I was massively hung over so didn’t really take it in at the time.

We once received the 17″ Slender Bender Double Ender dildo for the previous tenant. Apparently it was a free gift from Love Honey for her being such a loyal customer. I have no idea how much you have to spend to get a £35 dildo as a loyalty gift!!

Hmm nothing more exotic than a bowel cancer screening kit on my 50th birthday

Jonm81: 17″?!

nicko74 – Member

Jonm81: 17″?!

8 and a half inches each.

When I was about 14, a friend’s Mum found his stash of jazz mags (was the middle of the summer holidays). He blamed me and as we lived too far away from each other for him to give them back, she made him post them. He warned me and apologised but it did mean nervously waiting for the postman and hoping my parents didn’t spot a parcel arriving.

Jonm81: 17″?!

Yep, 17 whole inches. The thing was as long as my forearm.

The lady who it was for worked in the estate agent we rented from. Including this we had loads of bailiffs looking for her. I wanted to go down to the agents and slap it down on her desk saying “Here’s you bailiffs notices and you 17″ rubber c*ck!” in front of her boss and customers but my wife wouldn’t let me.

“Here’s you bailiffs notices and you 17″ rubber c*ck!” in front of her boss and customers but my wife wouldn’t let me.

Obvious comment is too obvious…..

..doesn’t stop you usually. 😀

Too early…. As a student we used to get the sex toy/contacts mags arriving for old tenneants – opening the old mail passed the time, followed by signing up random addresses

Mrs Davesport was having a friendly chat with our postie as I walked past, she chirped there’s something for you, what have you ordered ? Not having ordered anything of late I was intrigued. Package about two foot long, flat and wrapped in brown paper. There was suspense as I removed the wrappings to reveal……..a brand new razor sharp Brazilian machete. The (female) postie quickly cut the conversation short and left 😀

The moral of the story is, don’t shop on ebay when you’re drunk 😆

Got a letter and contract detailing arrangements to appear as a celebrity guest of one of Gok Wan’s shows. Sadly although although the envelope was addressed to me the contract was made out to Jamelia, so the nation was spared my sartorial advice – otherwise snickers holster trousers held together with spinnaker tape and very, very orange jackets would be all the rage on the high st just now.

some invocations on vellum written in human blood (the joys of a mental ex)

I loled at that one.

you should have seen the valentines gifts i used to receive from her 😯