Not having kids at all... tell me about it.

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Not having kids at all... tell me about it.

262 posts & 82 voices | Started 2 years ago by alpin | Latest reply from racefaceec90

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alpin - Member

seriously....

our best mates have a kiddie (357 days old) and i've come to realise just how much stress and effort it is.

i've come round to the idea of remaining (relatively) care-free; not having to worry about going for a ride for 4 hours; taking holidays when I (note capital 'i') want; stasying up till three and waking at 10; having money to spend on what I want, when I want; and not having to worry about anyone other than myself and the GF.

i look at the GF and her folks. they're still feeding her money to get her through uni. she's 27.

i'm sure that if i were to have kids i'd not regret it (after, ohhhh, 18 years when i legally no longer need pay for them).

anyone here want to admit that they'd be happy not having kids (not saying you need admit to wishing them not be there) or alternatively, anyone wish they did have kids?

i've also thought that i/we could adopt when in a position to offer someone a good quality of life - and when the adoptee is over the shitting, crying, pissing themself stage....

Posted 2 years ago #
BoardinBob - Member

No plans to have kids ever and thankfully my wife feels the same. I'm sure other people find it enjoyable but i can't see one single redeeming factor about having kids.

Posted 2 years ago #
druidh - Member

I was a reticent parent but now can't imagine life without my daughter. Easily the best thing in my life.

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

It is only stress and effort because you don't want it yourself. For the majority of parents it simply isn't stress and effort because for every 'stressful' event there is a more than equal 'wonderful' event.

Pretty difficult to make someone see that if they have no desire to be a parent though, but don't for a minute believe that *most* parents find the whole thing difficult.

Posted 2 years ago #
thepurist - Member

I thought that not having kids was one of the greenest things you can do as well. So you can buy that V8 gasguzzler with the secure knowledge that you're doing less environmental damage than the folks taking the kids to school in their Toyota Prius...

Posted 2 years ago #
woody2000 - Member

Alpin - the bigger question is what does your GF want?

Posted 2 years ago #
simonfbarnes - Member

I didn't want kids but my wife did, so we made two. I instantly loved them and think they're the best thing I ever did. But there's no need to feel bad if you don't want any, there are plenty of people already.

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

maybe not difficult. but certainly stressful, non?

matey keeps telling me that his life now has some meaning to it, but then in the next sentence moans about how he wishes he was single without any dependents.

i looked aftet the little 'un over the weekend and was knackered after just two hours. i turned round to feed him some banana and in the split second i was looking he fell head first off the sofa onto the wooden floor. que screaming, tears and disapproving looks from his parents....

Posted 2 years ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

No kids hear and I am 48. No regrets either. I am too selfish - I want to do what I want when I want.

Adoption without childcare experience is tricky and you tend to get "damaged" children only.

Posted 2 years ago #
jimmy - Member

Jesus, Alpin; you ARE me.

Posted 2 years ago #
woody2000 - Member

TJ - bit of a moot point really. If they were from a stable, happy family then they probably wouldn't need adopting.

Posted 2 years ago #
GrahamS - Member

How old are you alpin out of interest?

My wife and I always wanted kids.... but always "later".

When we got to 34 we both started getting more and more broody (not helped by all our friends sprogging). Now she is 25 weeks pregnant and we're both very excited

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

Ohh, and I am 42 and my daughters are 7 months old. When I was 30 I didn't want children and didn't really like being around them at all. When I was 35 I didn't want children but had grown to love all the kids around me (brother, friends etc). By the time I was 40 I really wanted them.

So what I am saying is don't believe you will always feel this way - it is human nature to want to want to pass on your genes.

Posted 2 years ago #
woody2000 - Member

My guess is Alpin is <25yo

Posted 2 years ago #
CaptainMainwaring - Member

We took the decision not to have kids and have never regretted it - just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary and still going strong. Nearly all our friends over the years have had kids. Whichever way you choose, you will look back and hopefully realise you made the correct decision for you - but with "you" definitely being plural

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

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woody2000 - Member

Alpin - the bigger question is what does your GF want?
Posted 2 minutes ago # Report-Post

she says that she doesn't take me seriously - whether she means over the baby thing or in general i don't know. i used to think it'd be great having a kiddie. frisbee in the park, bike rides, etc etc....

but looking at our friends - they've no real time for themselves, always looked f*cked and they're only students! they've got one lesson a week and they admit it's hard work.

god knows how one copes when you've got a proper job to do....

then there is the whole school thing; choosing a school, getting up in time to take them to school, tantrums, homework, detentions, drugs, aids, etc etc....

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

27. at 24/25 i thought it'd be great.

i also wouldn't want to be an older dad. my old man was 36 when i was born and as such he's now on his last legs whilst i'm (sort of) in my prime. i didn't see him or do much with him whilst growing up and he regrets it, as do i.

jimmy - Member

Jesus, Alpin; you ARE me.

[x-files] der der do do der der do do der der do do.....[/x-files]

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

maybe not difficult. but certainly stressful, non?

I don't think so, not really (and that is with twins). Life is very different than what it was before they came along but no more stressful.

Posted 2 years ago #
sharkbait - Member

What MF said ^. As you get older you and your life chnges whether you want it to or not.
Didn't have our first daughter until I was 37, then followed up with 2 more 18 months later. They're now 9 and 7 and I can't imagine life without them - it's what we're ultimately here for

Posted 2 years ago #
simonfbarnes - Member

i also wouldn't want to be an older dad. my old man was 36 when i was born and as such he's now on his last legs whilst i'm (sort of) in my prime

ha ha, we had my youngest when I was 33, and I can still outride him now he's 23 (except on downhills) :o)

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

thepurist - Member

I thought that not having kids was one of the greenest things you can do as well. So you can buy that V8 gasguzzler with the secure knowledge that you're doing less environmental damage than the folks taking the kids to school in their Toyota Prius...

i fully agree.

ha ha, we had my youngest when I was 33, and I can still outride him now he's 23 (except on downhills) :o)
Posted 1 minute ago # Report-Post

my old man's lungs are fecked. he can't walk more than 100 yrds without a breather...

Posted 2 years ago #
druidh - Member

I was 38 when my daughter was born and I reckon she keeps me young.

Posted 2 years ago #
druidh - Member

I was 38 when my daughter was born and I reckon she keeps me young.

Posted 2 years ago #
sharkbait - Member

they've no real time for themselves, always looked f*cked and they're only students!

They're probably trying to be 'students' as well was parents which may not work. No-one said it was going to be easy.
Personally I think that having kids too early can be a mistake for some poeple as they see their peers going out on the p**s, doing whatever they liked whenever they liked - and then start resenting the [slight] restriction that kids impose.
I only know one couple who didn't have kids and they have a great time but are loaded and spend a lot of time abroad - so not a good example.
Overall I think we've done a lot of stuff and met a lot of people who've become good friends all through having kids.

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

i also wouldn't want to be an older dad. my old man was 36 when i was born and as such he's now on his last legs whilst i'm (sort of) in my prime. i didn't see him or do much with him whilst growing up and he regrets it, as do i.

That is more to do with the father, not the age. Not sure what the average age for parenthood is now, but I know from the people we have met at NCT ante natal classes that every one (in our case) had children when they were aged 30 or over. The youngest mother is 31, youngest father 32. Admittedly I was the eldest at 41 when ours were born - but the point is that people are having children later and later in life and in today's society being 36 and a new father is hardly odd. Hell, he will only retire when you are (were?) 29.

Posted 2 years ago #
vinnyeh - Member

what m-f and sharkbait said. It depends on where you want to focus your energies.

Oh, and Alpin, some people aren't really cut out for kids- from your posts on here you might be one of them- for somebody leading a pretty carefree existence you already seem one of the most stressed out people on here

Posted 2 years ago #
jimmy - Member

Its very high on 'our agenda' right now, by which I mean the clock is ticking. I'd be happy leaving it another 5 years time and seeing then how I feel. The gf doesn't have this luxury. I love having time to myself, taking off for a weekend at a moment's notice, spending a few days on the road doing whatever. I also get really stressed whenever i visit people with kids. as soon as things don't go my way or they get too noisy or whatever, I need to leave. I don't like the thought of not having that luxury. Call it selfish, its what I like. getting out biking and climbing keeps me sane and happy. if I have to sit around all weekend waiting for a sprog to wake up and be fed I'm going to be irritable and moody, to say the least.

The only reason I find myself relenting on this is in the hope that it IS different when they're your own and it WILL be rewarding and fun.

Posted 2 years ago #
woody2000 - Member

Anyway, it's one of life's un-answerables (word?) - whatever you decide, you'll never know what your life would have been like had you made the other choice.

Posted 2 years ago #
stilltortoise - Member

IT...TURNS...YOUR...LIFE...UPSIDE...DOWN!!!

My wife and I had disposable income, several holidays a year, nights out, lie-ins and were care-free...oh and of course bike rides. The summer of 2008 was spent mostly in hospital with our oldest whilst my wife was heavily pregnant with number 2. Looking back I wonder how we coped, but, what can I do? I love them to pieces. Do I really miss spending £50/60 between us on a night out when we can stay in with hot chocolate and slippers??

All said and done though, I have known I wanted kids since before I was old enough to know how to make them (25 :lol:). For me, there was no question and I wonder if those who think about it too much perhaps simply don't want them. Nothing wrong with that.

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

if I have to sit around all weekend waiting for a sprog to wake up

Believe me - that won't happen

Posted 2 years ago #
Scienceofficer - Member

The thing with kids is its very difficult to like other peoples. I was the same as Alpin, had them for the same reasons as Pervfbarnes, and I love my two more than the world.

Its simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life, but I still mostly dislike other peoples kids.

YMMV

Posted 2 years ago #
sharkbait - Member

i also wouldn't want to be an older dad. my old man was 36 when i was born and as such he's now on his last legs whilst i'm (sort of) in my prime. i didn't see him or do much with him whilst growing up and he regrets it, as do i.

Why didn't you see much of him? Are you expecting to your kids to want you to go clubbing with them and their mates
I'm struggling to think what age has to do with the stuff you do with your kids.

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

un-answerables (word?)

yup.

They're probably trying to be 'students' as well was parents which may not work.

the rest of us aren't exactly living it up.... you obviously haven't visited Coburg....

Posted 2 years ago #
sweepy - Member

I knew from an early age i didnt want kids, and had a vascectomy as soon as they let me. Best thing I ever did.

People will tell you its not a hassle but then moan if anone makes noise in the afternoon cos their kid has just gone to sleep and theyre knackered from hours of crying. Plus theyre so stressed they need special priviledges at work or in carparks

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

sharkbait - Member

Maybe he didn't want to do much with you? Are you expecting to your kids to want you to go clubbing with them and their mates
I'm struggling to think what age has to do with the stuff you do with your kids.

he worked too much so that mum didn't have to and so that we could have holidays and a nice house. it meant he'd be gone for 12-14 hours a day, saturdays were for him (golf) and he just wanted a quiet day on sunday.

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

People will tell you its not a hassle but then moan if anone makes noise in the afternoon cos their kid has just gone to sleep and theyre knackered from hours of crying. Plus theyre so stressed they need special priviledges at work or in carparks

People or just the stereotype of parents you have in your head?

Posted 2 years ago #
alpin - Member

Plus theyre so stressed they need special priviledges at work

that fecks me off....

Posted 2 years ago #
simonfbarnes - Member

so that we could have holidays and a nice house

epic FAIL

Posted 2 years ago #
mastiles_fanylion - Member

he worked too much so that mum didn't have to and so that we could have holidays and a nice house. it meant he'd be gone for 12-14 hours a day, saturdays were for him (golf) and he just wanted a quiet day on sunday.

And that was because he was 36? Or because it was what he is like as a person? It does sound like this could be where your dislike of children comes from - 'daddy didn't give enough attention' (to quote Pearl Jam).

Plus theyre so stressed they need special priviledges at work

Are they stressed and need privileges or just need flexibility from their employers so they can work and have a family life?

Posted 2 years ago #
uplink - Member

People will tell you its not a hassle but then moan if anone makes noise in the afternoon cos their kid has just gone to sleep and theyre knackered from hours of crying. Plus theyre so stressed they need special priviledges at work or in carparks

I reckon you've made that up in order to fit your own opinion

Posted 2 years ago #

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