My other half lives in a top floor apartment in a nice part of town. The local Championship club has just rented the apartment below out for two players on loan. They’re bloody noisy. They eat vast quantities of junk food and chuck the remnants either near the bins or at best in a random one. And the shared car park is now overflowing with expensive cars to the extent that getting a space is nigh on impossible. I’m sure they’re just being lads but they do seem to be the epitome of stereotypical footballers.

Do I congratulate them on their relative success in professional football or do I offer them wise words of wisdom to make sure they have a career to fall in to when they inevitably retire in at best 10 years time or worse get injured earlier and wonder what on earth they did with all that cash?

STW wisdom appreciated.

I’d kick them in the slats if it was me.

Phone a tabloid.

Both those options have definitely occurred to me already.

Only one thing for it.

They eat vast quantities of junk food and chuck the remnants either near the bins or at best in a random one.

Tell them that they have to keep on training until they hit the target or the Championship is the best they’ll ever get.

invite them round for a roast tomorrow

To be fair they’re not even first team regulars at the moment so very much doubt a careful diet will make them in to premiership standard (no offence if they find this). But maybe a good Sunday roast would do them good. They’re not local so might introduce them to some proper northern gravy and Yorkshire puddings.

tell them you know barry bennel……

yunki – Member
invite them round for a roast tomorrow

😀

Oh. I may have taken the concept of a roast a bit too literally…

it’s a Sunday tradition

Find out when they have a game and make as much noise as possible the night before till the early hours of the morning and box their cars in 😈

Well I do know who they play for. And seeing that they normally “work” Saturday and I only work in the week, me getting completely shitfaced on a Friday wouldn’t be too difficult.

If they are causing you problems I’d contact the club. Reputation is important to the teams and I’d expect them to have the best chance of getting through to the guys.

In all seriousness if they do get more out of hand that’s what I’d do. Whilst they’re not permanent players there, they still represent them as you say so don’t want to piss locals off and get a bad name. I’m not the first neighbour to mention them either.

tell them you know barry bennel……

Not particularly funny or appropriate I’d say. Child abuse isn’t a joke even if the victim demographic is one that people are usually queuing up to take a potshot at.

If it’s a real problem the club will want to deal with them from a reputation aspect.

Tenants I dealt with once reported problems with a lower league player in a block of flats, noise, parties, girls screaming and begging to either get in get out. One call to the club and they moved him out.

Phone a tabloid.

This.

Sounds like perfect side bar of shame fodder!

I stayed upstairs from this arsehole footballer. He made my life a constant hell

http://www.scotsman.com/news/hibs-star-filipe-morais-admits-kicking-casino-goer-in-head-1-1282155

Then there was the time he allegedly raped a girl along with his mates. I heard it and had to be interviewed by the police

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/relief-for-rangers-keeper-allan-mcgregor-1059080

Or the time I had to phone the police because he was shagging his girlfriend at 5pm up against his front door and the noise was horrific

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/police-with-battering-ram-swoop-on-house-1049005

He would also randomly blast out 30 seconds of a beyonce song at absolute full blast on his stereo then switch it off

I genuinely wish him I’ll fortune.

Thankfully it’s nowhere near on that scale BoardinBob, that sounds truly horrific.