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No-strings relationship advice

141 posts & 86 voices | Started 4 months ago by Woody | Latest reply from Woody

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Woody - Member

Ok - I'm single and have been for a while. Not a problem, in fact I'm very happy with things as they are and actually enjoy being on my own and not having to worry about anyone else.

I have been having the occasional chat with a girl from work who is also single but a fair bit younger than me. Nice girl actually and would tick many boxes if it wasn't for emotional baggage and a couple of kids, which is an absolute no no for me after a previous debacle. She has now made it crystal clear that she wants a no-strings 'relationship'.

Now the little head is fairly chuffed at the prospect but the big head is saying it would potentially open a whole new world of grief.

Advice, serious and otherwise welcome

Posted 4 months ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

Not with someone from work would be my advice. what you going to do if / when it all goes pear shaped

Posted 4 months ago #
Woody - Member

That is my worry too and I've posed the same question directly to her. She's giving all the right answers but not too sure I believe her.

Posted 4 months ago #
TandemJeremy - Member

go with your gut instinct. Or could you cope with teh fallout if it all goes pear shaped?

Posted 4 months ago #
Bucko - Member

It's not worth it, in my experience there is no such thing as 'no strings'. I've had similar advice before, ignored it, regretted it.

Posted 4 months ago #
bobbyg81 - Member

Ride it!

Posted 4 months ago #
Woody - Member

Gut instinct says don't risk it.

Her personality and behaviour (AFAIK) does not tie in with someone who wants a casual fling and I get the strong feeling as Bucko pointed out that there is no such thing as no-strings.

Potential fall-out is worrying as I still have to deal with the irrational behaviour of the ex three years on and there is no way I'll be put in that position again.

Posted 4 months ago #
bobbyg81 - Member

Ride her badly then she wont stick around!

Posted 4 months ago #
Woody - Member

bobbyg81

Can't do that (not intentionally anyway) as I work in a quite a 'male' environment and if word got out............well, a man has to have some pride

I'll see what tomorrow brings - clear head and all that

Posted 4 months ago #
bobbyg81 - Member

In that case stay well clear. Ask if she has a sister!

Posted 4 months ago #
emma82 - Member

Apologies to stereotype, but most women don't do no strings, if it's a work colleague I'd stay well clear. Find somewhere else for little head to play

Posted 4 months ago #
unfitgeezer - Member

you have one life and you'll be in the hole in the ground for ever so why not have fun now !

Posted 4 months ago #
Drac - Moderator

Too close of a working environment Woody, I wouldn't.

Posted 4 months ago #
PrinceJohn - Member

Sounds like her soul is already going to hell.

Do you want to miss out on a place in heaven for a little sex?

Posted 4 months ago #
yossarian - Member

I say go for it. Maybe she doesn't really mean no strings, perhaps she really likes you? Maybe you really like her. Never miss an opportunity to let things change is my advice.

If you behave with dignity and honesty throughout I can't see how you can lose. Plenty of people see people they work with, it's not always bad.

Posted 4 months ago #
rewski - Member

The same happened to me at work, we've now been married 11 years with two kids, he ho.

Posted 4 months ago #
atlaz - Member

Bloke I worked with left his wife for the office manager where we worked. She switched roles and started working for him in the company. Then he started playing around, she got (understandably) upset. So he dumped her. Then sacked her.

So yeah. That work romance worked out nicely for her.

Posted 4 months ago #
mansonsoul - Member

Sounds great, go for it. Just be nice, and be truthful about the no strings-ness of it and it will be awesome. I have a friend in an open relationship or three and she loves it. You do have to be unrelentingly truthful to yourself and the other person though.

Posted 4 months ago #
don simon - Member

What a great way to deal with life!! Best not do that just incase something bad might happen!!!
I know quite a few people who have/have had relationships and work together, including myself. Some work some don't and I guess it has to go down to the maturity of the people involved as to whether it will get messy or not if and when there is a breakdown.
More recently I have had opportunities which I have turned down and regretted it, that's a poor decision...

Posted 4 months ago #
wilko1999 - Member

In my opinion, there is definitely no such thing as a no-strings relationship. I have heard this many times before and it just doesn't happen. Seriously don't embark on this if you are expecting no-strings. As soon as you put your pudding in her basin you have strings, if not before

The work side of things sometimes does and sometimes doesnt work. I'm something of an expert having had 4 work-related relationships in my time. No matter how much you both say you will remain professional, prepare for both your productivity to suffer as the excitement of the (no-strings lol) relationship develops

The reality of the situation is that when it comes down to it you are going to do whatever your 'little head' tells you to do, so just let it happen and enjoy it while it lasts!

Posted 4 months ago #
v8ninety - Member

Alway regret the things you do, not what you don't do. I never met an eighty year old yet who said to me, you know son, the one thing I regret is having too much sex...

In all seriousness, you're single, what's the worst that can happen? So you might have to move stations, localities, services... Countries? It's all an opportunity buddy!

Posted 4 months ago #
v8ninety - Member

(the majority of long term relationships are formed at the workplace, iir)

Posted 4 months ago #
cynic-al - Member

No strings is absolutely possible, it's worked out for me when I initially thought it was risky. I doubt I'd risk it at work tho, esp when you don't feel 100% that she's capable. Be clear about your concerns, she may convince you

Or go online? I'm told there are girls looking for fun on the right sites (NOT dating sites)

Posted 4 months ago #
The Southern Yeti - Member

Man The etc etc

Posted 4 months ago #
andypaul99 - Member

I had a similar experience with a 'no strings' girl, 10 years later she still lingers like a bad smell- women really dont do no strings ... emotionaly they are wired differently to guys and get connected far easier than we do... good luck

Posted 4 months ago #
hels - Member

What Emma82 said. I don't know any women who can genuinely do "no strings", or not what men interpret that to mean. I imagine you would have to be a bit of a sociopath to really be able to behave that way, or a prostitute. Something you might want to explore perhaps ??

Posted 4 months ago #
hillsplease - Member

There's a truism about poo and your own doorstep. The kids thing will preclude 'no strings' if you meet them. I wouldn't, unless you don't give a tinker's about your job and are happy to move on if it all gets a bit strained.

Posted 4 months ago #
molgrips - Member

it has to go down to the maturity of the people involved as to whether it will get messy or not if and when there is a breakdown

Simon has it.

I've had several amicable break-ups. It's not hard if you are both grown-ups.

I'd do it. Better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. Embrace opportunities and all that.

Posted 4 months ago #
miaowing_kat - Member

Some women happily do no-strings, for a while at least. My friend was in a no-strings relationship, and all going swimmingly until she starts getting mixed messages - he suggests they spend the day together, hold hands etc. but panics when his flatmate asks if she's his girlfriend or not. Obviously she promptly dropped him, but recently saw him just passing on the street (he with a girl in tow) and he was visibly anxious and awkward about it. I'm sure they're both very thankful that they don't work together.

Posted 4 months ago #
teamhurtmore - Member

Do you both have the same concept of "no strings attached" ?

Posted 4 months ago #
mountain chub - Member

No strings for a month, then if you want to break it off ask her to marry you - that should kill it off nicely and amicably. You've had fun and she's had a nice guy proposed marriage which she just isn't ready for - surely if it works in Hollywood it can work here?

Posted 4 months ago #
binners - Member

Getting involved with someone you work with? On any level more than 'work'?

You'd need your bumps feeling IMHO. Just have a think about the medium/long term, and see if you can think of any conceivable scenario where its all worked out really well, and everyone's happy

No, me neither

Posted 4 months ago #
v8ninety - Member

women really dont do no strings

Sooo not true. And possibly a little sexist? some women prefer no strings, especially if they already have kids. Keeps things simpler, protects kids from getting hurt, etc. Some men really struggle with no strings; its a jealousy thing.

Edit, all above in my (enjoyable) experience, obviously.

Posted 4 months ago #
totalshell - Member

had a couple of no strings with people i thought at the start might be psycho but to be fair they held up thier end of the bargain. both work colleagues both 'hated' each other but didnt know about the others extra curricular activities. one married one single both had kids ( who i never met)
when i met the mrs went and had a chat with each of them and drew a clear line in the sand and that was that.. lasted about 3 years a piece all in.. no dates no chrissy presents no hassle..

Posted 4 months ago #
flip - Member

Do it, i would, if all else fails it'll give you stories to tell

Please post updates though, and pics?

Posted 4 months ago #