I’ve just remembered another lad I used to work with said a girl at his school got called Pol(l)y because her name was Esther.

Other than the logon here, I was known as ‘Moose’ through bits of secondary school. Also briefly known as ‘Vicar’ during sixth form and a couple of cafe jobs due to the quantity of tea I drank – “More tea Vicar?”

A lad in my year at school was known as ‘Heed’, because he had a massive heed (works best in a west Cumbrian accent). My Dad was known as ‘Puddle’ during school, though he claims he can’t remember why.

There was a kid at school called Plectrum.

If you drew round a plectrum it was the same shape as his head.

I started a new job and was introduced to a couple of the cleaners as Sylvia and Rita, they always seemed to be together and after a couple of weeks I still hadn’t worked out which was which so they became known as Ant & Dec.

on the topic of footballer nicknames, Kiki Musampa was known to his teammates as Chris, as in Chris Musampa

There was a Guy (years ago) who was chanted “whose the geezer with a pineapple on his head” It was a coloured guy who used to tie his rasta plats up on the top of his head. Was he from Nottngham or Portsmouth? can’t remember now. As far as I remember too he got quite upset about it..

Jason Lee, at Forest. It was Skinner and Baddiel who did the song “He’s got a piiiiiine-apple, on his head, he’s got a piiiine-apple, on his head…”. He supposedly had some sort of breakdown as a result of the fans chanting it at him every week, but that was possibly just an excuse for being a bit crap.

1st year of senior school. Tall lad with MASSIVE feet. One of the lads shouted ‘you some kind of Sasquatch’? It stuck.

Another time, another lad grabs a mate’s bottle of drink (not alcohol) locks on and downs a litre of squash in one. Someone shouts ‘he’s some kind of Camel’. It stuck.

I have a mate with rather large ears ……he’s known as Jodrell.
He also thinks he’s a big hit with ladies and has proclaimed himself as a “God of love” since then he is also known as Earos

Gold!

WillH – Member

Jason Lee, at Forest. It was Skinner and Baddiel who did the song “He’s got a piiiiiine-apple, on his head, he’s got a piiiine-apple, on his head…”.

They balanced it out by saying he was better than Pele. Sort of.

A friend worked with a guy who had some accident that resulted in him having a permanent stoop with his chest sticking forward.

His nickname was Photo Finish

MrNice – Member
on the topic of footballer nicknames, Kiki Musampa was known to his teammates as Chris, as in Chris Musampa

ChistmasHamper- You know thats just hilarious.

Jason Lee! Cripes yeah thats the guy. Didn’t know it was Skinner and Badeel who coined the song, all I remember is him being interviewed one day saying something like he was retiring, didn’t know it was because of that though.. Shame, probably was a pretty good footballer..

Still giggling at these, what is it with my sense of humour? 😆

One of our drivers was known as Gimlet, and had been named as such by the warehouse manager within hours of him starting work for us. He was a bit on the short side, and not the most interesting of characters.

When he left after several years, he asked why he’d been called that.

“A gimlet is a small boring tool.”

“Johnny Pumps” – gained this moniker after only 1 week at Woodlands Infants school after following the teachers instructions on getting ready for P.E. to the letter. She told the class to line up outside the classroom “in your pumps”. Bless him – he lined up in his pumps alright and not a stitch more.

Prop in my school rugby team could eat for Scotland…Hungry
Little brother who was tall and thin………………Peckish

Two separate sets of friends who’d never met one another both independently coined the nickname BadNewz.

If we are on sport ones, Dai Young Welsh prop known as Only the good 😆

I used to have a pal nicknamed ‘Neck’. His surname was Payne. Payne in the neck. He was, too.

I used to know a girl known as “Eggs”.
During an amorous interlude she and her fella experimented with fruit and veg, and eggs.
Cracking idea! A trip to casualty was involved.

Some good ones at work:

The guy who was hard to get hold of: Bin Laden
The guy who was always sat down: Ironside
The guy who lost a finger in an accident: Fingers
The fat manager: Boss Hogg
The fat bloke with the surname Hutton: Jabba the Hutton.
The sales guy who had to be first at everything: Aaron Aardvark

I just forwarded this thread to a friend, who gave me this contribution:

Mate of mine started work with me years ago. Before his first shift he asked what to expect. Only advice was chill, but you’ll have a nickname based on something you say day 1.

He didn’t say a word he didn’t have to. End result – “the mime”

I think most of my friends still refer to each other by nicknames 20 years after we all left school.

The best being ‘Cautious’ – reason being that on the night he popped his cherry his girlfriend caught him filling up his used prophylactic under the bathroom tap to check for leaks!

My brother was called ‘The Goat’ at uni. His best mate was called Chops, when handing stuff round it always used to be ‘want one Chops?’, he was a Manc, Paulo Wanchope was Man City striker at that point, his strike partner being Shaun ‘The Goat’ Goater. Henace ‘Chops and The Goat’.

Fella at work a few years back had the worst limp ever, one leg shorter than the other by a couple of inches. When he walked, his head would rise and fall by a good 3-4 inches. He was known as The Snipers Nightmare.

i know a girl who went round a group of friends of mine giving everyone a dose and is now referred to as ‘the penis flytrap’

We call a lad at work Zulu. For that fact he is so slow and an hour behind everyone else.

I had a young Irish assistant called Arron. He was soon given the nickname “Chinese Allan” then just “Chinese”.

Then I overlooked a trainee and his surname was Battman. He was a bit useless so was given the nickname “Boy Blunder”

First night of Fresher’s week at university, talking to new people and making new friends, one of the guys in the group I was talking to suddenly loses grip on his pint and sloshes a load onto the floor. Spillage! shouts out one of the lads in the group. To my knowledge, he’s never done it again yet 28 years later it stuck and is still what he’s known as by everyone.

Another mate is universally known as Sharky. He reckons it’s because he used to be a big hit with the ladies (which in the Uni lingo of the time was ‘Sharking’) but really it’s because his initials are SH and it stands for S*** H***’s a right C**t, yeah.

My favourite is a lad I used to play football with who was reknowned for not being overly choosy about the aesthetic quality of the ladies he’d go home with at the end of a night out. He became known as Gravy, because gravy goes with anything.

My nickname is / was Shilts because I played in goal and have curly hair like his bubble perm from 1986. For a brief period after someone recalled the event when he was caught shagging a girl several years his junior in his car that nickname became Peter Pedo but thankfully it never really stuck once we became sensible enough to realise that a/ she wasn’t that much younger than him and b/ calling your mate Pedo on a night out isn’t funny or safe.

Another friend of mine is called Milk. I think he got the name allocated after eating a carton of Dich Milch (or similar) yoghurt on holiday. Consequently his next girlfriend (now wife) is called ‘Yogsie’ (Yoghurt). When on a bus with Yogsie and his brother they drove past a shop sign proclaiming ‘Milk, Yoghurt and Bread’, his brother is now known as Bread. His last house was named ‘The Dairy’ too (the name plaque was a wedding gift from one of my other mates).

Ugly chap at work nicknamed ‘Isaiah’, ‘cos he had one eye a bit higher than the other.
Another known as ‘three dugs’ as his name is Bob Glenroy.

A bloke at work is called Guess because on his first day n
when asked his name he said Guess. It’s stuck for 25 years.

Had a foreign guy at school called
Paul Luskinois………

Well with our school boy humour …it was soon changed to “Pull your loose skin back”
Another bloke called Chris Lamb…..of course we called him Larry
Till one day he he kicked the biggest kid at school in the nuts during PE…..in the changing rooms he was shitting himself….as the big kid was yet to enter…and we all was chanting…”mint sauce…mint sauce “” he got a proper hiding…and a new name …minty…ha ha ha…great days!!

Mate is ‘Tumble’, surname Dwyer.

This is the best thread for ages PMSL here, ‘Tumble Dwyer’ FFS!! 😀

Fella in my work was telling me about an acquaintance in the shipyards called Campbell Baxter, aka Two Soups.

My halfwit brother had barely started primary school when he earned the nickname ‘mowgli’ no doubt due to his mop of a hairdo.

Occasional riding mate is called “Handbag”. In the summer he’s the first to get tanned, a bit leathery, and we end up carrying him all morning.

The lads at work are brutal with nicknames, these are to everyone’s face, not behind their backs.

One lad who has an aversion to washing: Dirtbag.
Another with the mankiest, smelliest, rotten feet you’ve ever seen or smelled. He wore flip flops into work one day, it was questioned how he kept them on his feet, so was named “Two Toes”.
A short, round, heavily bearded, miserable git: “Gimli”.
An inbred local, looks like a redneck: “Billy-Bob”.

Some of the others would result in the Ban Hammer being swung.

A bloke at work has been known as Omar for years, his surname is Gould.

Another one is an instructor called Plimsol, he’s a crap trainer.

1st time I went to Les Arcs with TA I was put into a group that included a couple of lads, one “Bob”. He was quite a handy rider, esp compared to me

Turned out he was “Bob Gnarly” 😀

Diesel. Standard nickname for those who lack ‘spark’.

A woman at work is referred to as Lego Head on account of her very straight fringe.

Also had a boss with the surname Miller who earned the nickname Windy because he could never make a decision.

Two lads who are inseparable in our office are called Pat and Paul are now known as Bat and Ball because you never see one without the other.

We had a few based on appearance. Pinhead had a bizzarely shaped small head, and eventually evolved to be known as BJ… as in “a little head”
“Wingers” was another one with protruding ears, “Dump Truck” was a bit of a fat knacker, and so named after the Sumo wrestler and “Moose” wasn’t the bonniest girl in the world.

Others were named after personality traits or habits. “Snorker” had a nervous tick which involved a noise which made him sound like he was hawking up phlegm, “W-w-wiggy” was bald as a coot and stammered, but also had the surname Wigglesworth, so a bit of a three-in-one there. “Dobber” liked scrapping.

“Shakey” was completely spineless, absolutely useless if not dangerous in any form of physical situation, but one of the more topical ones at the time was “Scud”. Named after the missile, it was because he was universally unpopular. Apparently you could see him coming, and there was **** all you could do about it.