01/01/13 – punched in the jaw by a scrote and then tore something in my thumb holding onto him until the cavalry arrived.

01/01/14 – attempt to pour boiling gravy into a jug without spilling any went spectacularly wrong so sat here with the back of my hand blistered from fingertip to wrist.

Not looking forward to having a dump – I can only wipe my arse left handed. Good job my wife is a nurse I suppose.

Predictions for 01/01/15 ?

Boiled gravy is spoiled gravy.

I predict a minor yachting accident for next year.

Predictions for 01/01/15 ?

Bad luck there; at least if you can get your wife to wipe your arse there’ll be no chance of it being your fingers to tear through the paper…

(Are you a copper? Reading that into your incident #1.)

Every cloud and all that…

Yes to your question.

Minus points for non bike related accident.
Alcohol will numb the pain.