a bit of background:

We moved here a year ago and straight away planned an extension on the back of the house, removing a lean to and putting a dining room/kitchen on.
– we told the neighbour in question we were extending, showed her plans before we put them in for permission and accommodated any changes she wanted.
– prior to this i’d asked if she wanted us to do anything with trees in our garden (we weren’t precious about them); i’d dug out her drive when it snowed (and most of the road); i’d not done any work in the house after 9pm; generally considerate neighbourly things.

Anyway, when the house went up she started making noises about it being bigger than she expected, and that it had taken her view. admittedly, her view has changed – but previously she could also see straight into our kitchen. My little lad used to wave at her from the dinner table.

I was in the garden a few weeks back and she called me in to say
“It’s a monstrosity”
“It’s like living in a prison”
“I’ve been having bad thoughts about you”
“I feel duped”
“It will affect our relationship – not my relationship with Isaac (my two year old) – he’s a sweetie”
“you’ve upset me”
“My first thought is to move but you’ve obviously devalued my property now”
and the icing on the cake
“When i phoned up the planning office they said they would have ok’d it even if i’d objected to it as it meets all the rules” – suggesting she’s gone to try and complain an/or undo our building work.

And other such niceties. She’s also been distinctly frosty with all of us and our families.

The latest is today when while me and my wife were putting washing out, she brought her friend into the garden to look at the extension and compare it to our next doors who are going up as well having previously put a 6m flat roof ground floor extension on. One overheard snippet

“Look at theirs, its flat while this sloped. There’s no need”

We’re pretty sure she saw us there so can only assume this was intentional.

Anyway, the long and short is that now my wife is really upset and uncomfortable to go in the garden or bump into her. I’m pissed off that she’s being such a cow when we would have happily made changes when we could and both of us are fearing years of bitchiness and difficult relations.

1) Can she do anything about our extension?
2) Any similar experiences?

sorry for the long post

We lived next door to a bloke I spoke to twice in 8 years. You don’t have to be mates with your neighbours.

I’d try and not let it matter to you what she thinks and over time it’ll settle down as she gets used to it all and has had her friends round to moan at.

“When i phoned up the planning office they said they would have ok’d it even if i’d objected to it as it meets all the rules”

There’s very little she can do legally. If you deviate from the plans she could grass you up but even then the planners aren’t mega strict. All she can do is moan and that will only bother you if you let it. We’re friendly with a few neighbours others we’ve never spoken to. Not a big issue.

She has no right to a view (been on the receiving end of this recently but losing part of a sea view) and you got planning – so no she can do nothing.
Get on with your life. You could suggest she builds a similar extension.

I’d be a bit more direct with her.

If she’s gobbing off in the garden I’d be piping up with why she didn’t think about making her point when she had the chance?

You’ve been more than fair; some people just love to sit around and find things to be cross about.

There’s quite a few on here.

Sounds like you’ve been more than fair, now let’s see the extension in question so we can make a proper judgement on it 🙂

Room for a new patio?

2) Any similar experiences?

What, of small minded, twitchy headed, passive agressive middle aged english women?

Who hasn’t suffered this kind of nonesense from the scourge that is the me me me Daily Mail baby boomers.

Don’t worry about it, just enjoy your extension. She’ll be miserable whatever happens as the world left her generation behind while they were thinking they were born with some kind of entitlement.

Retro83 – not without the green light from the boss!

You seem to be a thoughtful and considerate neighbour. You have far exceeded the minimum that you should have done to be fair.The woman next door’s problems are hers alone as she agreed to the extension and it passed planning.

Anyway, the long and short is that now my wife is really upset and uncomfortable to go in the garden or bump into her.

Your neighbour can only bully you and your wife if you allow her to.

Offer to plant a few trees to hide it from her?

Really, it’s a complete none event. Why do you care?

She’s already getting £300 of render and special order trellis and fencing.

I guess I like to think caring is what makes me a considerate neighbour.

I guess I like to think caring is what makes me a considerate neighbour mug 😉

Could you paint a mural on the side to brighten it up a bit, maybe? A giant cock and balls, perhaps? Ooh, with that glow-in-the-dark paint.

I’d mooted putting the plans on there but my wife said no 🙂

Naked sunbathing, that’ll stop her coming into the garden while you’re out there!!

My brother had a similar issue with a neighbour who came round and objected to his extension, onto his detached house I may add, which matched 3 others in the street. “you should have bought a bigger house” said the neighbour, “you shouldn’t be living here” etc my brother carried on living there for 6 years. quite happily and cheerily saying “good morning” and “hello how are you” at every opportunity.

+1 for @Boardinbob

Plant a hedge?

Sounds like you’ve been more than fair. Best way might be to try and kill her with niceness. I’d maybe invite her round for tea, let her air her grievances and then explain all the ways that you’ve tried to accommodate her through the process, even though you didn’t technically have to. Might also be worth showing her the plans she approved and how what was built corresponds to those plans.

If she’s still being a moany old moo after that I’d tell her that it’s up now, it ain’t coming down, so she can either deal with it or move!

Sounds like you’ve been more than fair. Best way might be to try and kill her with niceness. I’d maybe invite her round for tea, let her air her grievances and then explain all the ways that you’ve tried to accommodate her through the process, even though you didn’t technically have to. Might also be worth showing her the plans she approved and how what was built corresponds to those plans.

If she’s still being a moany old moo after that I’d tell her that it’s up now, it ain’t coming down, so she can either deal with it or move!

Build a big gurt f-off wall so she doesn’t have to look at the extension?

Build a big gurt f-off wall so she doesn’t have to look at the extension?

+1 or the ever popular rapid growing massive pine hedge

I am in a similar problem from the other side…. http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/neighbour-building-extension-my-rights-party-wall

However I am rational and realised once I had exercised my rights, discussed things with my neighbour and cleared the air as best I could I could do no more, life is too short.

If your neighbour is kicking up a fuss now I doubt you will be able to do much to bring her round – is she sat at home all day speaking to her mates and complaining to them (sounds like it!) – she’ll just be festering in her own hate and the few seconds you see her won’t tip the balance back.

Only thing you can do is kill them with kindness, they will either soften and you’ll get along again (this happened successfully with a previous neighbour of mine) or not, but if you do what you can it reduces the stress on yourself and your wife and puts you on the higher ground. Hopefully.

Really think you just need to accept she isn’t going to be your friend any more and just move on and enjoy your new space.

Slightly different, but we rent an office and it comes with a parking space. This morning the boss of another tenant (recently moved in, but knows full well it is our space) parked there so I asked him to move it. The reaction was priceless (someone had parked in his space, he had nowhere else to park it etc). I just said I didn’t care about his problems, could he move it. At the end of the day I simply couldn’t care less about being nice to him – just like you shouldn’t feel that way about your neighbour.

does she have a chimney or a letter box?
You know what to do!

Have you checked the underside of her stable roof? Is it a bit tight for the horses under there? Could this be sorted with a hoof in the slats?

Just ignore her. I mean be polite and say hello etc, but that’s it.

Hoof her in the slats.

EDIT: DAMNIT beaten to it.

there are two options

Change the design of your home till it meets her approval

Ignore her and do what you like

you could fight her arseyness with your arseyness but that is a fight , amusing though it may be, that you cannot win and everyone loses.

Hold on habe you tried moving Hora in to chat her up

Room for a new patio?

This.

And…

“I’ve been having bad thoughts about you”

Call the cops, tell them your neighbour has become a sex pest.

Change the design of your home till it meets her approval

It’s been built already.

Build bridges, you’ve done your bit. If she doesn’t want the bridge it’s her loss more than yours.

As it goes my next door has just finished a smart new fence yesterday and struggling to force money on them. Same happened with the other side and had to resort to sneaking a nice single malt on the doorstop in the dead of night. Bless em both.

Big ugly wooden shed temporary structure in the garden blocking out the view but not over permitted height 😉

Are you suggesting the neighbour is a troll?

Been in kind of the same situation with an old girl next door.

We were very good nieghbours to her … wife used to get her big bag of dog food when doing a big shop as she struggled to get it for herself (no … it was for her dog not her 🙂 ) … did the snow clearing of her drive… helped her out when her car got stolen … helped her out when she left the hand brake off the new replacement car and it went rolling into the road … and other bits n bobs.

All the while we put up with her blooming great leylandii trees shading our garden

Then in a strong wind a large branch from the said trees falls down and breaks some panels in fence between out houses.

I offered to do the work if she paid for them …. bearing in mind it was her side to replace.

She choose to argue the point on who’s fence it was and wounldn’t pay for the panels. … I was hamstrung as we were in the process of moving and saw no point in creating aggro knowing I wouldn’t have to put up with her much longer.

Sadly OP you don’t have that luxury and the point remains…. old girls…. to put it politely… you may well find them in a world of their own.

Don’t loose any sleep over it.

You have done nothing wrong

I like the idea of inviting Hora round. His inimitable charm will surely win her over 😀

It hasn’t before.

Rule number one with neighbours (we live in a very small cul de sac with 9 nrighbours).

Be cordial, polite but ALWAYS keep a respectful distance. It (sadly) breeds contempt and people feel you have a weakness.

You don’t have to be friends with your neighbours. I took a bottle of wine round to our neighbours when they moved in, all friendly like. I received a “**** off you ****'” from the woman.

I’ve not let it affect my life. They are now the **** that live nextdoor.