Hey Guys,

Im after a little bit of advice. I'm 21 years old and currently still live at home with the parents while saving up to buy a house. About 3 months ago my girlfriend moved in due to having probelms with her family. My mum was the one who asked her if she wanted to stay permanantly to which she agreed.
Now for the past 4 months everything has been going great, girlfriend gets on with my parents and my sister so all good. However since about the middle of last week my mum started being slightly off with me and my girlfriend, not being a talkative, blanking each of us at times etc… Girlfriend then got really upset as she thought she had done something to upset my mum. My dads still totally fine and chilled as he always is.
Now my mum has no patience at all and is at times really unreasonable, she loves to think she knows about EVERYTHING and hates being proved wrong and shes one of these people who when she is wrong she still isnt wrong if that makes sense.
So for the past week shes been having slight digs at me for totally unreasonable things eg.
I used my sisters laptop for something and the other day and later on i caught her using my razor on her legs so rightfully i had ago at my sister (hygene and all that). Which i think i was quite entitled to do, any way mum heard me shouting and comes up and says "she would'nt use your razor if you didnt use her laptop". Now tell me if im wrong but i think there is a slight difference in me using a laptop to her using my razor.
Anyway this has all been boiling up and when mums around the atmosphere is tense. When shes out everyone gets on great.
Now girlfriend is going to see her mum tonight as she hasnt seen her since xmas and as i was telling my mum this morning she made a comment about her moving out(abit more harshly than that i might add). Now i know this is what she has been wanting to say for a while, but i just cannot for the life of me think what i or my girlfriend have done to upset her. Ive tried talking to her but she just doesnt want to know, she just walks off into another room.

Now the advice i need is what do i do. I dont really want to tell my girlfriend that mum seems to have developed a problem against her as this will upset her, but then when i try to talk to my mum she just doesnt want to know…

Im sorry for the long epic story but i would just like abit of advice on what to do as im confused!

HELP! Please 🙂

My appologies for posting this in the bike section…forgot to change it to Chat.. Oops! I'm having one of them days 😥

You need to have a chat with your mother to see what is going on – or maybe your father if you would get a straighter answer.

Both of you move out asap

Mothers do this they are a PITA. Is she either

A) Come on? or
B) Going through the change?

My mother used to have a real problem with me or my brother sharing a bed with our respective girlfriends (we were both in our 20s) she was very unreasonable about it. You really have to talk to her and if she walks away follow her. Parents can and do sometimes behave like children.

Have you asked your Dad what her problem is?

Can i approach this from the parents perspective as i'm on that side of the debate .I imagine that at the time your mum did what she thought was the right thing considering you girlfriends situation .Our daughter is 23 and is at the beginning of what we hope is a long term relationship .Her boyfriend has stayed over a couple of times in the spare room .He seems nice enough but there comes a point when you feel you want your house back .Our daughters best female friend has been having a hard time at home so she has stayed over a few times .She's no trouble but the same applies .As it does when our son and his partner come to stay .
I may be completely wrong but here goes .My current feeling is we brought both of them up ,our son is in his late 20s ,daughter early 20s .We just love having the house to ourselves i tnink that is perfectly reasonable and maybe thats what your mum is feeling right now ?What seemed like a good idea at the time is now starting to wear a bit thin ?You may not have done anything wrong as such but it's just the whole houseful situation?Just to quantify , daughter is no trouble but our son had drink problems and the situation was unsustainable . Don't know if any of this helps?

Thanks for the replies guys.

We've been together for yearly 2 years now and my parents have never had a problem with her staying over and they dont mind us sharing a bed or anything like that. So i dont think that could be a problems.

Oldfart – Thanks for the input sounds like a plausable explanation for whats happening, but id rather her just say that "she wants her house back". Normally if theres a problem she would tell you as shes like that she speaks her mind.

I just dont like the way she seems to be going about it all. Its upsetting my girlfriend which is turn is starting to upset me slightly as i dont know where to stand kind of thing.

I think tonight after work im going to have a word until she decided she wants to tell me whats wrong! Thanks for all the replies guys 🙂

My first impression was that your mum has seen how close you and your GF are, knows you're saving for a house, and is scared she's loosing her 'little boy' to another woman……

I might be waaaaaay off the mark though. Apologies if I am. 🙂

There are only two clear reasons I can see for your mums behaviour. First one is that your dad tried it on with your girlfriend and he fessed up to your mum – your mum blames your girlfriend. Reason two is that your mum made a pass at your girlfriend and was rejected – your mum blames your girlfriend. Of course any combination of those scenarios could be the reason.

probably going through the change…..! it has a wierd effect of snapping like that….
if you cant talk to your mum then have a chat with ya dad… your girlfriend must be feeling in an awkward position by now, not knowing what she has done wrong ? you need to get this sorted out before it totally gets out of control and you end up falling out with your mum big style !

Thanks Guys,

Gary_M – I hope none of those options have taken place or else i will be looking like a right mug at the moment haha.

Elane – Thanks for the info. Im going to try talking to my mum tonight see if she will talk if not ill ask my dad he usually will give away whats going on. And your right girlfriend does feel very awkward at the minute… Not a nice feeling.

Your mum may have found out something that your girlfriend has done which might upset you. This puts her in a very difficult position and could account for such behaviour.

did your mum hear you Procreating? that would have done it, most parents would be happy for their kid to live at home with their other half, but as soon as they think or know your doing "it" under their roof, game over…. my advice, tame it down and keep the shouting of "give it to me baby" down a notch… 😉

elaine anne – Member
probably going through the change…..! it has a wierd effect of snapping like that….
if you cant talk to your mum then have a chat with ya dad…

Woo hoo I gave the same advice as a woman!!!

Pretty soon I will know the meaning of life!

I'd be inclined to agree with Peter.

Mothers are strange characters at the best of times, I'm convinced mines gone mental recently as she keeps trying to play me and my sister off against each other (there's 2 years between us) but it's not working for her.

When that doesn't work she bangs on about how good my little brother is (he's 18 years younger than me) in comparison to either me or my sister were at that age, that's not washing any more either so I think she's run out of things to snipe about 😆 So it'll be back onto me next.

She's also got an incredibly annoying habit of "keeping up with the Jones'itis" the Jones' being me and my wife, we did our bathroom – mum basically copied it, we did our kitchen – she now needs a new one, we're getting a new conservatory – they had a man round last week to price one for them, it's bordering on hilarious really.

You've got it easy mate 😆

BigJohn – Member

Your mum may have found out something that your girlfriend has done which might upset you. This puts her in a very difficult position and could account for such behaviour.

yeah, like that's going to help put his mind at rest…..

i thought the same as Poddy. mummy is losing her little boy and doesn't like it. my mum resents my dad as we never used to get on too well (much better now) until i moved out after a big row and she resents the GF as she's german/lives in germany, as do i.

women…. they are all **** mental. mums more so.

pool your resources together and find a place somewhere? i know that it's probably not as easy as that though. i built a big shed in the garden and lived in that till i was 25.

as for your sister…. drop a dollop of ketchup on your (now redundant) razor and leave it out for her to use.

SImple razor solution, when the blade goes blunt keep it and re-fit it after each time you use the razor, that way she'll give up using it as it won't hack through her leg hairs 😀

Wansley, i had a very similar thing with my mum many moons ago. Had been seeing a girl for a good while and then out of the blue her mum died. She didn't know her dad and was all alone (bar gran). She got a transfer with work to where i lived and i asked my mum if it was ok if she moved in just until the house we were going to buy went through. Things were ok at first, then she started being a bit off. Nothing major but just enough to know that things weren't right.

We moved out and this carried on for a couple of weeks. Tried asking what it was and got no answer. Asked dad and he told me she was upset about "loosing me to another woman". She hoped she could look after me like she had.

Think your mum will be fine. Mine is spot on now.

I used my sisters laptop for something and the other day and later on i caught her using my razor on her legs so rightfully i had ago at my sister (hygene and all that).

What were you looking at on her laptop…perhaps she was getting back at you for your lack of hygene all over her computer!! 😆

Any update? What was the issue?

Update time..

Having had this playing on my mind all day at work i decided when i got home i would challenge her about it. So i did, she gave aload of reasons as to why shes upset, things like i dont do things around the house…which is total lie and when i told her she was spouting sh*t she didnt even try to deny it.

After reading what you guys have put on here and speaking to my dad it would seem mum has maybe "biten off more than she can chew" and would like her house back. I think that shes just wanting it to be a family house as its been for 21years and she can't adjust to my girlfriend living with us. Dad said it would maybe pass but i know that my mums VERY stubborn at times so im lost as to whats going to happen next. Girlfriend said she will try asking to move back home, ive told her to say, dad thinks it will blow over so im going to wait to see what happens.

Thanks for all the replies guys! Next job is to save as much as poss and get our own place 🙂

Skiprat – I wouldnt do anything like that on her laptop ive got my own 'stash' hidden in the bedroom Muhahaha! 😀

You need to go on Jeremy Kyle to resolve stuff like this.

OK, I seem to think differently from everyone else, what a surprise!

The crux of the matter is that your girlfriend needs to rebuild a relationship with her own mother. It's highly likely that your mother has now realised this.

I think us "oldies" are getting concerned that with our offspring being unable to get a foot on the housing ladder, we could potentially end up with them living at home til their 40's or something 😯

Yes, "oldies" do like to have the house to themselves again but I'm well aware that my two adult kids could end up living with either me or their father at some point in the future so as they could save for a deposit.

Please don't harp on about menopausal women, men get it as well 🙄

On a basic level (and you do not need to answer this)- how careful (quiet) are you when you 'you know'? It might sound quiet to you but it may not be downstairs. A slight constant creek could put a parent on edge.

Something also to consider. Sorry to add this in guys.

hora – substitute OP/girlfriend for mum/dad!

Agree. Seriously (this sounds daft)- get your gf to simulate and you stand downstairs, on landing or in another room.

Are you close to your Mum?

Again, its something that needs to be considered along with the above.

…on a serious note- your Dad doesnt have a problem and is probably quietly saying 'go on mi 'sa'rn'! 😆 8)

My guess is THE CHANGE. Men have a mid-life crisis and buy a sports car. Women stop ovulating and rant and rave at everyone.

To be honest, if my mum started blanking people there'd be a serious argument. But we're like that – because we're happy to argue, you don't have silly schoolchild style tactics like blanking and gossiping.

Move out. They are doing you a favour after all, and if it's straining things with your mum then you have to do the right thing. You don't have a right to handouts any more of course.