I split up from his mom 5 yrs ago and he lives with her and i have him every other weekend and one night in the week.

Now me and my son always had a great relationship, i thought he’d rather live with me, but now i’m not sure. I think he’s been telling his mom tales about me and my wife (we’ve been married 3 yrs) just little stuff nothing dramatic. But i feel like i’ve got to be careful what i say to him now because of this.

His mom is a typical angry woman, who’s new relationship appears to be sh@t.

Don’t know why i’m posting here just want to get it off my chest, i feel like i can’t be bothered seeing him anymore, which is very sad.

I found it incredibly difficult to stay neutral whenever my two older kids asked questions about why me and their mum had divorced (in spite of the fact that by that stage she had married my extremely former best friend), but I always felt that it would be too damaging, and a waste of time, to be honest, to criticise or slag her off. My relationship with the kids was always paramount, and now, twenty years later, I’m glad that’s how I handled it. It’s too easy to use kids as leverage when relationships go wrong, but you should always put them first, no matter how difficult it can be at times. I can’t, of course, pass judgement on whether or not you should stop seeing your son, but please, think long and hard before you do. Good luck, Mitch

You’ll not be the first parent to go through a phase like that – regardless of you domestic arrangements 🙂

sorry to hear about this, mate. hang in there. my kids are a bit younger than your son but they change every 6 mo.s, not even every year.

Why are you worried about what he is telling your ex……honest Q

I watch my sister’s kids spend most of their time with her being brought up ‘properly’, then go to their dad’s and they get free reign to do whatever and come back cheeky wee shites, mouthing off out of the car windows ‘because papa does it’ etc. I even find it hard that control over them is lost for a day or two each week and they’re not mine, but maybe my Sis knows better than I do.

What’s my point? Difficult times, I guess. I try and imagine being in that situation and I imagine I’d feel the same apathy… BUT he is your son and he needs you despite whatever impression is given off. Give him your best shot, no second chances.

I think he’s been telling his mom tales about me and my wife (we’ve been married 3 yrs) just little stuff nothing dramatic.

1. He’s a 10 year old.

2. It’s more likely she is asking things.

3. Unless you’re dealing drugs or something, who cares?

i feel like i can’t be bothered seeing him anymore, which is very sad.

Without wishing to be overly harsh, your a parent, shit happens, deal with it and keep doing the right things

I can only speak from my experiences of course but…

Always try to remember that your son will be being manipulated by your ex and it’s never you son’s fault.

Separations where children are involved are absolute shite though and you really do have my most sympathies.

Not sure else to say at the moment, but feel free to chat. 😉

PS – it takes balls to air this on a forum like this so well done.

He’s a 10 year old, if you tell him stuff about what you and your wife get up to, shouldn’t you expect him to talk about it to other people, your ex included?
If it’s inappropriate for your ex to hear its probably inappropriate for a 10 year old too.

Some wise words above buddy, particularly druidh,RealMan and Damo.

Kids chatter, it’s what they do. At that age the sense of subtlety is very undeveloped so if your ex is in a dark place he may be saying things she really doesn’t want to hear. Sometimes they’re hard work but it was your choice, not theirs, to bring them into the world. You have a duty to be there for them always and unconditionally.

And quite childish.

My father left when I was 12, I have seen him maybe 3 times since, and not for the last 25 years.

To be honest this has caused me loads of rejection and insecurity issues that have taken years got resolve.

Your son is 10, he is a child you are an adult, act like his dad and talk with him, don’t reject him. you will regret it and he will suffer.

I went through exactly the same with my lad (now almost 17). Divorced from his mum when he was 5 and he’d always preferred to be with me (and later, me and my partner) however when he was about 11 his mum confronted me to say that my wife had hit him (I was there when the alleged incident happened and she most definitely did not). It caused a rift between them for some years but gradually things got back on track. As he reached his teens he became very unreliable and would cancel arrangements with me but tell his mum that I had done so. Best you can do is be there for him (obviously) and he will come round. It’s just part of growing up. But that doesn’t mean it’s ever easy!

Fwiw my lad is now a mature thoughtful confident young man and we are closer now than we’ve ever been.

My son is 10, lives with me but sees his dad most weekends. His dad goes through stages of not bothering and makes excuses because he finds it too much hassle aswell. But, 10 year old boys can be hard work, argumentative, finding their own identity, approaching puberty etc, and it is not easy having to change their behaviour according to different parents rules etc. However, as a parent you have to put up with the good and bad,it doesn’t matter how much hard work the child is, because you cannot just walk away when it gets tough. Maybe your son feels pushed out by your new relationship and is just attention seeking by telling tales. Most kids play one parent off against the other, whether they live together or not.

The thing is, as a 10 year old you’re getting to that age where you feel comfortable talking to more adults about more things, but you have nothing very interesting to talk about.

I used to tell a lot of lies. Not particuarly malicious, but just to seem like I was a bit more interesting, or to give me something to talk about.

In someone’s autobiography I read that his one piece of advice to his kids, following the break-up of his parents was “Never criticise your partner in front of your children”. This struck me as excellent advice, and still applies if separated.

My Mum (divorced) used to complain about my Dad, and maybe rightly so sometimes, but now as an adult I can see that some was probably unjustified.

Although it may be difficult, keep opinions about Mum to yourself and focus on your lad.

Something I have learned over the summer is that children forget small things that are said and move on much more quickly than adults do about a lot of things.

My parents divorced when I was 5, but never talked about each other after that in front of me until I was much older and on reflection I am glad they didn’t.

Hang in there OP and in a few weeks things will have blown over and I reckon he will have forgotten about things. Probably a good idea to be slightly cautious about what you say in front, but maybe just think before you speak, but don’t take it any further than that.

As long as you haven’t been up to anything seriously bad, don’t worry.

10 years is a long time to throw away.
Kids are a good judge of whoever is bullshitting or not, and will make their own minds up.

Flip, don’t give up. Being a father can be the most wonderful thing, yet it burdens you with responsibilites. You have a choice – Do you want to look back in 20 years’ time and say ‘I wish’ or do you want to want to look back in 20 years’ time and say ‘I did everything I could’. I try to live a life without regrets, but maybe that’s not for everyone. I am a single father with as 9 year old daughter (who lives with me) and a 21 year old son (who did) and a bitter ex wife.

Hang on in there flip.

I’m in a near identical situation with my own ten year old, the only real difference being that because of the distance he lives from me, he stays with us for all the school holidays.

Your ex has more time with him, so naturally will hear more stories about the other side of his life. For your son it is completely natural for him to talk about what happened last weekend or whenever. You wouldn’t want him to shut away all his feelings and what he has lived these last few years, especially not with adolescence around the corner, sitting on a wall sulking to a soundtrack by Ndubz.
Be thankful that he can talk openly about his experiences, even if it is to his mother, who may be prying. Who cares.

The only thing that matters in your world is that you, your new family and your son get through this together as unscathed as possible and that you remember that for every dark moment there are plenty of glorious days ahead.

Don’t know why i’m posting here just want to get it off my chest, i feel like i can’t be bothered seeing him anymore, which is very sad.

My father went through a similar process. Then thought he could make up for it a decade or so later.
He can’t.
So although I quite understand how you feel, you’ve got to be quite clear in your head what you want to do, because you won’t be able to make up for such a decision and brush it under the carpet later.