I don’t usually post on here, but of late there seems to have been loads of stuff that has seemed relevant to ‘me’. We lost our dad at the end of last year to cancer of the liver. You can’t cure what he had, only prolong life through chemo, which in his case wasn’t really effective. It was an awful scenario to be honest; chemo made him look so frail and so poorly. Anyway, to cut a long and upsetting story short, I ended up travelling to see him in hospital whilst he was waiting for a procedure. There were delays etc and in the end nothing could really have been done for him; it’s part of the process unfortunately. I won’t go into too much detail because it becomes too long and involved in order to tell it properly, suffice to say I watched my dad die as he went downhill quickly. I’m sure I could recognise the point at which his spirit left him. I then had to meet my brothers at the hospital and tell them, before driving to the airport to tell our other brother who had flown from the other side of the atlantic. But got there too late. I miss:
Telling him how well work’s going
Asking for advice
Phoning home and him saying ‘I’ll put your mum on the line’.
Little things.

My wife is a surgeon and deals with cancer every day of her life and I am very proud of her because of that; as was my dad. His passing has brough my brothers and I together and we all appreciate mum more because of it. We’re going to ride the Manchester to Blackpool in the summer; cycling is something we have all found a mutual like for and the Christie Foundation is the charity so it seems apt. He’d appreciate it, I know for sure.

I thought I was the only one who had the ‘seeing him in daily life’ scenario.

The other day at work one of the girls in the office asked me how I am doing ‘after your dad and all that’. I said she was the first person to ask me for a while (like, 3 months) but thanked her: it was on the morning of his birthday. My boss (who’s wife died of cancer shortly before my dad died) said to me the other day; “you don’t move on, you just move forward.” And he’s right. You have to work out how his influence affects how you live your life from now, going forwards. It’s not a case of drawing a line under it and ‘closing that chapter’. It’s different, for sure though.

Good luck. Some days are better than others. But I miss him all the time.

Thank you for taking the time to post JA. Thank you.

Very sorry to hear about your dad fella , I lost both my parents to cancer mum eight years ago and dad two and a half. I still miss my dad as it wasn’t so long ago but I take solace from the fact that he had a good long life. It’s not easy but as jtotheP68 says above let it out and over time things get better.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in July 2008, and still miss having the old so-and-so around. It’s also funny how often he turns up in my dreams!

My condolences to you and your family.

It’s also funny how often he turns up in my dreams!

This is a strange one isn’t it. I’ve had this a few times in the past year and It does seem so damn real. Like you met them.. very comforting

Like you met them.. very comforting

That is how it makes me feel too. Also I talk to pictures of my dad – not rambling conversations, but I do often say hello and things like that 🙂

a horrible thing to go through, but whilst it may not seem much to say please believe me that it does get better.

don’t be afraid to cry, remember your father with a happy heart and enjoy telling your children about him as they grow.

my dad’s birthday is coming up on the 7th april. we remember him with a fish n’ chip supper (must have mushy peas) because its something he loved doing.

I lost my dad this time last year. Fairly suddenly too.

Not been able to read all of this thread, as I’m at work and don’t want to be blubbing at my desk.

I don’t think things will ever go back to the way they were before, but not having him around is starting to feel “normal” if you get what I mean.

Time heals. Just more slowly in some cases.

All the best mate.

don’t be afraid to cry

I couldn’t agree more.

Condolences mate. Thoughts are with you. Dont worry about coming on here and rambling either… I found it helped me a great deal sharing my grief.

JA… we too are doing the Manc / Blackpool this year in support of Christies. Keep your eyes peeled for Team Jocksters!

My thoughts are with you. I lost my dad suddenly 3 years ago, only yesterday I ended up in tears… I went to blow up the tyres of my car and realised he always used to do it for me and the last time I’d had to do it was when I was 17 when he showed me how. Needless to say I got back in the car and came home in tears, any one want to do it for me? One day it will get better but do allow yourself to grieve and cry.

So sorry.

Heal soon.

Gosh this is a sad thread.

Grief over a person is never ever going to be an easy experience and like has been mentioned I don’t believe you wake up one morning and that’s it grieving over but you just learn to live with it all a bit better.

Its hard to be practical over a emotive response but like a few of you have mentioned try to keep yourself up as much as you can as giving yourself a hard time won’t make things easier. That being said sometimes you need to go with the flow and let what needs to come out come out.

I do a lot of websites for counsellors and never would have considered one in the past but I believe they offer a very valuable and secure environment for you to expel all that grief in a practical way as they can help shape and make you realise all the small and great things you are learning rather than focusing on all the negatives.

I’ve not done it yet but I believe I might.. I did have a very close friend who I could say absolutely anything to and at a really deep level but I can imagine there is something nice about having a unknown 3rd party as a source of security and professional opinion.

My parents are still with me but I don’t and haven’t really had a healthy relationship with them ever due to a rocky family life with divorce and a lot of hate has built up inside me to both sides for various reasons.

What you said made me quite sad Hora (when you mentioned you hadn’t spoke to your Dad for 25years).

Do you regret that as I feel I’m at the edge of getting back in touch with my Dad but each time I try I’m let down and realise I want him to be someone he will never ever be.

It’s a sad state of affairs grief but I did also find it helpful to read the different stages you’ll go threw as it makes you realise its not just you.

Having a young family must be hard but also a good focus on getting quality time with them.

All the best to everyone having a hard time, just don’t forget a lot of unexpected and amazing things come to you when you don’t expect them and the sun will be shining sooner than you think :).

I think today was a quite a “tester” as all the practical stuff i.e. informing everyone etc, had to get the hospital bed taken away from the house as that was something we couldn’t be staring at.
We’ve just sat around chatting about stuff; it was all very emotional but it was good at the same time.
I don’t think I will ever truly get over this but I know I will eventually move on.
My Dad wanted me to go on and better myself and always encouraged me and you know what. I am not going to let him down!

My Dad wanted me to go on and better myself and always encouraged me and you know what. I am not going to let him down!

Good on you, go for it.

Feel for you chap.

My dad passed away just over 3 weeks ago.

I said a few words at the funeral, memories that kind of thing, . . . it really helped. If you have the chance I recommend doing it, it’s tough, but everyone will appreciate your efforts at such a trying time.

All the best

Keith

And he will watch and will be cheering you on, I can hear my Dad do that more so now than when he was alive, because then I took him for granted, stay strong. RIP monkeychild senior

Really sorry to hear about your Dad monkeychild. My father passed away 3 years ago from cancer and i know exactly what you mean about getting rid of the hospital bed and other equipment in your house.

Wish you and your family all the best in this hard time.

My Mum died the same way. The day she died, me, my Dad & Gf had a big portion of fish & chips for supper, such a massive relief that she was at rest.
Shit, I’m 54 & still miss me Mum. (&Dad) 🙁

Such sad news for you. Don’t know what else to say, I lost my Dad 6 weeks ago and am always thinking about him.

Treasure your memories.

Evidently it’s a common thing, but I always feel “why me”. My dad died of a cancer that sat above his lungs and against his heart. The chemo was soul killing. I couldn’t bear to see my role model dissolve and spend his days crapping out orange jelly and not being able to get up. It killed me. He wanted grandkids and never got the chance to be a grandad It took me about 3 months to get into a state where I could go back to work. My biggest help was my girlfriend – she was always there for me. She taught me to remember my dad’s life and to carry on his values in life.

3 years on, my mum developed cancer in her anal canal (I can’t write it any other way without encouraging idiots) and she’s just finished chemo. She has responded so much better than dad. There is an upside to cancer patients 🙂

As horrible as all diseases are, life goes on. Everyone copes in different ways – I wasn’t good at coping, but I got through it. If anything I should have been there more for my mum, my sister and the rest of my family. Please don’t waste away like me. Stand up and be proud of his life.

Monkeychild my deepest condolences , I lost my Grandad a few years back and It was a horrible experience . He told us months before he was going to die so we got to spend a bit more time with him . He had been the one who nurtured our interests , mine at the time golf and my brother motorbikes (he built him one from scrap bits). I’ll never forget him and Im proud of him . He was originally from Cheshire but spent most of his life In the North East of Scotland (Lossie) but was so well read In scottish history and Geography etc. My wifes Dad died of cancer at a young age also and at first she took It really hard (understandably) , I dont think It’s true that time Is a great healer as you will never forget your dad and neither you should . But take time to remember the wee things and you will find peace.

Sorry to hear man – it happens sometimes that one minute they’re all there then all of a sudden they’re all gone.

Thoughts are with you and yours

I remember the good times with my Dad, who lost his very short battle with cancer last August he was diagnosed two weeks before he finally slipped away from us. He’d been getting weaker by the day since June & no-one at the Hospital figured out what was wrong until mid July.

I think about him every day, I remember him helping my do up my house, the daft little disagreements about how a certain DIY task should be done, falling over drunk after too many rum & coke’s, working with him cleaning factories even when he broke his collar bone in a fall at work he still finished his shift with me despite my concerns and demands that I take him to Hospital there & then, he was a stubborn bugger to say the least.

I feel relieved that his suffering has ended, but still feel pain for my mum, they were devoted to each other, now there’s only my mum & me left. It all feels just so wrong sometimes.

Sorry for this self centred post, it’s the first time I’ve mentioned any of this in public.

Sorry for this self centred post, it’s the first time I’ve mentioned any of this in public

No need to apologize mate. Your bit about him being a stubborn bugger bought a smile to my face (in a good way) because my dad could be bloody stubborn too. Used to drive me up the wall but then wouldn’t have had it any other way !

I’m glad I’ve helped other people who are going/have been through the same thing.
Writing this is kinda like therapy, it’s lime having a faceless councillor so to speak.
We have had to advertise his car as my mum has one already and she can’t afford to keep it.
It’s just crazy doing this stuff.
I’ve got to drive home to pick up my wife and kids tomorrow. I think I will put on the beatles as they were his
Favourite band and think about the good times.

” I am not going to let him down!”

God, that just made me well-up; and my dad passed away nearly 30 years ago. You’ll never forget him, and whatever you do he would always be proud of you.

Hang on.

Its hard for me to write this without sounding like an utter **** idiot, but I never let that stop me on other threads, so why start now. My father died of cancer when I was 2 years old, I have no memories of him. In the vast majority of my life this is not something that I think about or worries me. I am grateful I never had to watch him die or at least dont remember it, my older brother did and it has affected his life a lot more. But every once in a while I wish I had some memories the people on this thread mostly seem to have a lot of happy memories, hold onto them and maybe the bad ones will fade.

I hope you and your family get a sense of peace and comfort through this tough time. I am sorry for your loss. Wish i had something insightful/helpful to say…….

🙁

When something like this happens it reminds you to live life to it’s fullest.

Today i was going to LLandegla, but feeling totally fed up, and sad, went to the cemetry with my freind, my dad/mum/aunty /uncle/grandmother and a few other relatives as buried there, on the way home another cemetry where a freind is buried after suffering deep vein thrombosis at 43, leaving 3 children and a husband.

Strangely after washing the gravestones ,geting upset i now feel a lot better, but deep down i truely understand how monkey child and the rest of you feel, its just like one big club, that none of want to be members of, but the support from the club is so good, and its free.

I drove back today listening to The Beatles blue and red albums.
It was weird as at every poignant song that meant something the sun came out 🙂
Listening to those 2 albums it was like it was a message to me and you know what I feel happier as I know he’s watching over me.
Even weirder was yesterday my son pestered his mum for toys.
He has 3xbig toy boxes with a book box on top of them. He pestered for the bottom one and the toy he rummaged out was a talking Bob the builder toy my Dad gave to him before he took really ill!!! He hasn’t played with it in months I was shocked when my Wife told me that when I got back.