Lay awake as I can't sleep. My dad finally gave up today.
Fortunately despite the bad crash on the A1 I was able to be there with him at the end. I am heartbroken yet feel empty?? It's been a proper crap and good 2011 for our family; in Jan my nan died, then a close family friend died of cancer (got diagnosed a similar time to my dad) it was my mums best friend and she couldn't go to the funeral as my dad needed an ambulance that then took him to the hospice.
The only good thing was the birth of our 2nd son. Fortunately my dad got to meet him, but I am gutted he will not see him and his brother grow up 
I truly wouldn't wish this god awful disease on anyone! My dad deteriorated so quick it was sickening. Only last June he was helping me flag my patio.
Sorry to ramble but I writing this has helped a bit
Chat Forum
My Dad lost his fight with cancer
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Posted 1 year ago #
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Wish I had something cleverer to say than just: that's terrible dude, and I feel for you. It's awful to have to deal with any death in the family; the very least you can say is that you were able to be there at the end. And, trite as it is, over time it won't seem quite so all-encompassing.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Condolences Monkeychild. don't know what else to type.
Posted 1 year ago # -
So sorry for your loss ! I sit here unable to sleep as i have just finished celebrating my daughters 5th birthday and wishing my mum could have got to meet her and watch her grow up! Unfortunately my mum went in for a routine opp that went wrong she lay in intensive care for 6weeks and thought we had lost her more than once,when we found out my wife was pregnant we told my mum as she lay in ICU and she smiled and seemed to make the effort to pull through and 2 weeks later she was released, she was desperate to get home and make arrangement's for the arrival of her new granddaughter
She died 3 days later due to a blood clot in her legs moving to her lungs (DVT) the doctors had failed to give her blood thinning drugs and make sure she had sufficient blood flow as she lay immobile in ICU! She was 57 never got to meet Amy and yes i'm still bitter as it was so unexpected and more importantly unnecessary!
I feel your pain as the pride you get from being able to say see Mum/Dad you did good with me as i will do good by my children and make you proud is truly irreplaceable!
I wish you well !Posted 1 year ago # -
Gutted for you.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sorry to ramble but I writing this has helped a bit
Write all you want dude, if it's helps you, do it.
Condolences and be strong for your family.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Dont really know you or post here very often but feeling for you just now. Went thru something similar with my Gran who pretty much brought us up. What everyone else says above seems like good advice. It will get easier although you'll never forget.
Talking (posting) about it is good-remember all the good times cos they'll always be with you as you go forward.
Take it easy.Posted 1 year ago # -
Very sad news fella- It must be pretty tough for all the family.
I'm sure you and your Dad had a right few laughs together! Keep focussed on those good memories Posted 1 year ago # -
Not sure what to say, except that I'm sorry for your loss.
baldspot is bang on though; try not to let the grief outweigh the memories of all the good stuff. Easily said I know...
Give me a bell if you want to go out for a ride.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My folks are not getting any younger, I want them to stay the same and keep playing with their grandkids. I am going to keep focussed on doing the good stuff.
nanny family heart goes out to you and yours.
Kev
Posted 1 year ago # -
what can I say, other than my sincere regret for your loss.
My old fella is 74 and not getting any younger
Posted 1 year ago # -
so sorry to hear your terrible news,all I can suggest is keep talking about don't bottle your feelings. My best mate lost his mum to cancer he seemed to just get on with life and never gave himself time to morn then boom he just went to pieces. Chin up stay positive!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sorry for your loss. Lost my father 6 months ago due to lung and pancreatic cancer. He went into hospital because of kidney failure and long term heart problems ended up being diagnosed with pancreatic and lung cancer, he never came out, it stunned me how quick he went down hill once diagnosed, a matter of a couple of weeks.
At the risk of being corny at least you were there at the end to say goodbye and he still lives on in your memories, something that never goes away. It does eventually get better with time but never rush things, share your thoughts in whatever way you wish to as bottling up is so counter productive, i know this from personal experience.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sorry to hear that - had exactly the same with my father and know how you feel. You know it's coming, there's that inevitability, but it's still terrible when it does.
Sounds like you had the same issue as me getting there for the end, too.
You'd be surprised at how it affects you - I went into a bit of a tailspin for a year, started acting like (more of) an idiot, almost split up with my wife. I just couldn't get a grip on the fact that I was now an orphan (mum died many years ago). I'd encourage you (as bigbloke says above) to talk about it, not bottle things up. Get professional help if you need to - I know I should have.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Farther-in-law just over 5 years ago and his 1st grandson arrived a couple of weeks before he went.
It was all very fast (about 6 weeks) but I know he was happy to have met the little chap, try and take something from that. Ultimately it sucks big time so hang in there mate...life is just shit sometime.Posted 1 year ago # -
am very sorry to hear of your dad's passing away.cancer really is a horrible illness.i remember watching my grandmother dying of it when i was 11,i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.i wish you all the best mate,but definitely agree with other posts that it is important to talk about your feelings,or they will build up.there are plenty of people here that will listen to you/offer advice e.t.c i wish you all the best mate!sorry that i cannot offer any decent advice.
Posted 1 year ago # -
sorry for your loss monkeychild try and remember the good times
Posted 1 year ago # -
condolences to you and your family.
my mother passed away just over a year ago now, weeks before our 3rd child was born and the only thing that kept me going was to think positive....remember the good times and concentrate on being the best parent you can be....make your dad proud of you for being the person you are and how you can raise your children in a wise and worldly fashion.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Can't add any wisdom to what's already been said. I'm very sorry for your loss, mate.
My granny died of cancer on my 30'th birthday. Never had a chance to say goodbye, I wish I had. 7 years and it is a little bit better, just a little bit.Posted 1 year ago # -
Courage dude. May he rest in peace.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family and friends. I can only begin to imagine what you're going through.
Posted 1 year ago # -
i don't know you but i feel for you loss
my father lost is fight with mesothelioma (asbestos cancer) two years ago very suddenly - gentle decline one day, gone the next. my oldest son was 6 months old, and i am constantly grateful that they had the chance to meet - and pained that he will never meet the twins born last month. we made a book of photos for the boys so in a few years time they will have something to remember their grandfather by.
as others have said... remember the good times and celebrate a life lived - i found doing something special on his anniversary helped immensely - dad bought me my first mountain bike, so i went off for a bivy night and enjoyed the sunrise and a morning ride
Posted 1 year ago # -
I am sorry to hear that.
I remember reading your posts over the last few months and the end has now finally come.
Take your time to grieve and remember your father well.
Posted 1 year ago # -
I know how you feel. Lost my grandad several years ago now. Saw him for the last time and he looked well. Said goodbye to him and said I would see him soon, then got a call one morning telling me he had died. still wish I could have said goodbye to him properly.
Be strong and just remember the good times.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my Mum to that god-awful disease 21 years ago. I still think about her every day. Treasure your memories, try and be strong but remember it's okay to grieve - don't bottle it up.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My sincere sympathies. May he rest in peace.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Stand down Monkey Child Snr.
I lost my dad when we where walking in The Lake District.
He complained he felt dizzy, went to sit down, and never got back up.
He was 63.
Completley feel yer pain.
It will hurt.
A lot.
You'll get there fella.
Feel free to come on here and rant.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Like many of the above I know your pain - just remember the good times you had and keep strong. And as you say - at least he got to see your two children and nothing can take that away from him.
Posted 1 year ago # -
May he now rest in peace. My dad passed away 18 months ago. he was 64. I was holding his hand and talking to him when he died. A big big life experience. Think of the good times, i have pictures of him riding his Triumph 750 motorbike in a frame, i have his leather wallet. It will be hard but all the advise given to you is right, keep busy, talk, off load do what you need to do. Are you a cyclist? i rode my bike alot and gave myself some time and space to reflect and think. It helped me.
I hope it gets easier with time.Posted 1 year ago # -
Thanks guys.
I finally got some sleep (at the end of the how's making myself I'll going to help?)
It just feels "real" now. I am stopping at my folks house as I shot back on my own and to know I am never going
to get to see him here again makes me feel sick in my stomach.
I know he wouldn't want me to mope around but it's going to be hard not to as he meant that much to me.
I have so many good memories to hold onto and I always said I loved him so he went surrounded by love.
RIP Dad you are going to be missed so much.Posted 1 year ago # -
That is good monkey - he went knowing what he meant to you.
I was the last family member to see my dad alive (just over two years ago). Went to see him in hospital, he was doing fine, waved goodbye through the glass but as I walked away a nagging doubt flashed into my head but I quickly brushed it aside - he was recovering well from pneumonia and was expected home in the next couple of days. Eleven hours later, as I drove to work, my mum called...
Now mum is recovering from a lung cancer operation and is on chemo
Tough times but focus on YOUR family now - they are your future and make sure you have as much of an impact on your children's lives as your dad did on yours.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Can offer nothing more than condolences mate.
Sorry for your loss.
Take care of you & yours.Posted 1 year ago # -
Really sorry to hear your bad news, if its any consolation, your father is at peace now.
Mine died 13 years ago this May, 1 week short of his 52nd birthday. We'd arranged a flight over the Isle of Wight for him as it was something he'd always wanted to do, he died 4 days before.
He never saw me settle down and have his only grandchild either.
Just ramble away and be there for your mum. It doesnt go away, but it doesn't hurt as much over time. Just go with the flow....Posted 1 year ago # -
Sorry to hear that Monkeychild. But as others have said, time is a healer (although it often doesn't feel that way in the beginning).
I lost my mum to a stroke a few years back. All pretty sudden - probably happened inside a week. Can't even recall the last conversation we had (which would've been the night before she went into a coma). Still struggle to talk about it now. Sometimes you don't realise the importance of certain people until they're no longer there. I guess I have more gratitude for my life these days as a result.
Might be worth trying to keep yourself busy ... spend time with your family ... and give yourself some time to do the stuff YOU want to do.
Chin up. It will get better.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Even though I cut my father out of my life 25yrs ago I still felt a keen amount of loss at his death in December. I dread the time when my Mother will go.
Did they say what caused the cancer?
Posted 1 year ago #
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