This has been mooted as a possible solution to our housing needs by my Dad, so just wondering if anyone else had done similar.

He is getting on a bit, and is going in for stent surgery, so it makes some sense for family to be close by since we lost my Mum coming up to a year ago next week. He is looking to downsize from the family home, and we are needing to upsize from our town house so there is a touch more sense to be made of it there too….

We have a good relationship and this would give us access to, lets face it, the kind of place we could never afford – ie a Lake District farm house – possibly with him living in an attached cottage/building somewhere on the land around it.

The only fly in the ointment is that we work together, and whilst he should have retired many years ago is reluctant to do so and shall continue having an interest in the company (ie owning it) until the end of days! My worry is that although I will be technically arranging my own work and running things (which I am fine with doing and him creaming off whatever profit we can find now we are down to an effective 3 day week for 2 weeks per month… and then 2 weeks off!), it is his ability to stick his oar in too easily that gives me cause for concern!

However… farm house (even if it is his not mine)!!!!

Has anyone gone down this or similar route, and if not is a really flash home enough to outweigh the possible mild stress? Another plus is that the boys (and daughter if she is ever allowed to come and stay without intervention – but that is another rant for another time) could go and bother him all the time, and onsite dog sitting too 😉

The other worry, naturally, is if he does slip off this mortal coil too soon we would be left having to move out as there would be no chance of buying out my siblings financial interests in such a place…. So long as he hangs around for another 15 years or so that isn’t an issue in itself mind, and other than his current needs he is in pretty good shape!

Sounds like the company profit thing is a separate issue. Sure, you might not have it forever, but what are your other options right now?
Whether you can stand seeing so much of each other might be the main issue for me, but YMMV of course.

was there a question in there somewhere or were you just needing a vent?
Moving in with him for however many years is years of increasing value on a mortgaged property that you will lose only to be no better financially after he passes on, albeit with some inheritance. If it were me I would speak to him and your siblings about this, since you’ll be the one doing the caring and your siblings are getting away with not doing it. Everyone gets very grabby once there’s the prospect of inheritance and cash. All the best Capt.

it is his ability to stick his oar in too easily that gives me cause for concern!

If he’s doing that on the work side, what is he going to be like when you want to redecorate, install another wood burner and tarmac the drive?

How do your missus and kids feel about it?
There’s a BIG difference between your Dad moving into your house and you and your family moving into his.
Don’t underestimate the stress and friction that could be caused,especially as he seems to want to run things his way. Imagine that at home (his, not yours,remember) as well as at work.

Bit of both – slight vent at being too impoverished to buy somewhere really nice off our own backs living in one of the most unaffordable parts of the country (where business keeps us, and since I have been in this game 10 years now and hence out of IT where my previous career lay for the same time I am tied to it now), but also a genuine question to anyone who has done or knows someone who had done similar.

It is an option that came up the other day, we had a bit of a look at the kind of places he was talking about – and hence what kind of places we could be living in – and compared that to the alternative and thought it was an interesting prospect! It does come with mixed feelings for both of us, but I have probably over-stressed those as they are more niggles really.

A friend of a friend has done something very similar. It has turned all their lives into living hells and the way they are tied together means that it is all looking very difficult to unravel. Both parties are in lovely houses but dreadful homes.

That, of course, means nothing to your situation which will be to theirs as apples to oranges, but…

On the flip side, I have a cousin who farms with his father. Their relationship has gotten easier and easier as the father has gotten older and taken more of a backseat. All manner of trickiness to come when assets need to be divided between children, mind.

Be careful, is I guess where I’m at…

A woman I work with has done this. Her mum died early last year, her dad went to a Caribbean for a few weeks to stay with family and when he got back asked her and her family if they’d like to move in. The house is quite big, too large for one person, and she was looking for a larger property but given London prices this was not going to be cheap. She, along with her husband and two kids moved in at the start of December and so far it’s all going well.

She has one sister who has been siphoning cash from the old mans bank account, when he found out he made it quite clear she’d had everything she was going to get and wrote her out of the will.

I suppose another advantage – living in a house with no mortgage means that if things don’t pick up workwise I can branch out into other fields without worrying about income stream….

Perhaps my dreams of being the next Colin Prior could be realised 😉

(And thanks for the experiences – the Farmer situation is probably the closest in reality… and odour… I smell of the proverbial most the time!)

If you’d like to ask more questions / talk about it, let me know – email in profile. But yes, it works well for them on the farm.

Talk with a solicitor about you buying and Dad putting in the difference between what you can afford and the property you want to buy. Inheritance and taxes etc.

We took over my parents place a few years ago, basically we sold up our house and they gave us it and took a small cottage 50yds away. We are now converting one of the outbuildings for them to move into as a granny-type annex.

Our family solicitor advised and arranged it.

b r – interesting… thanks.

Markie – may just drop you a line at some stage, at the moment we are just loosely talking about the concept.

You just need to set the ground rules really. My Ex lives with her mum up in Newcastle upon Tyne, and they are mortgage free in a sizeable town house having sold off 2 properties down south. They have a great relationship, but have sorted out the accommodation (what’s hers and what’s her mums) they divide the utilities, and have a pretty frank relationship when it comes to money.

It can work, but it needs working at.

Good luck, and best wishes to your dad for his surgery, I hope it goes well.

Don’t know what work you do but if it’s not working from the farm I would make a rule that outside of the office no work talk. This way it enables you to get some work/life balance but probably more importantly keeps your missus on side.