My gf happened to mention in passing to her mother, the possibility of me and said gf getting married. We’ve no intention of such a thing at least for a few years yet as there are so many more important things to be doing first. This casual mention seems to have started Something – the suggestion that it would not be in a church, not cost £30k and have 300 guests seems to have caused some distress, to the extent where we’ve decided if we do get married, it would probably be in secret and on the opposite side of the world. It seems marriage these days is a chance for either the bride or the bride’s mother to bask in some sort of ‘richer than yow’ spectacle of spending and showing off.

Anyone else suffered from over bearing mothers-in-law-to-be getting far too involved? Any secret marriages in order to keep the day special and personal?

We’re planning our wedding currently. OH’s mother just said ‘Make sure you just do what you want and ignore what anyone else says’.

We planned our wedding in 3 months, my tip is to not involve or consider anyone except the two of you

the more people you allow to ‘help’ and express an opinion the more stressful it gets (IME)

Same as Footflaps but with the addition of my parents too.

At a friends wedding the ‘Mother of the Bride’ deliberately turned in a outfit that looked identical to the brides mothers.

To us this might seem like an opportunity for a bonding moment. For the bride in question it was a significant defining moment in her relationship with her mother in law 🙂

Have to say, whole process seems a load of grief / stress. Everywhere has ‘wedding’ prices aka rip you off blind and having any form of guests / family present just complicates it as you have endless considerations to take into account eg accommodation, children etc.

We’re currently thinking Algarve, as if we’re going to be ripped off blind it may as well be somewhere sunny!

This is the bog standard response to a wedding – the dresses, dresses, dresses approach.

Now if your gf approved of her mother’s response and joins in then it’s time to run very fast and very far…. FWIW I’ve had 2 marriages; my advice relates to my experiences from my first marriage 😀

Let me get this right? You mentioned it to her mother year before the actual event?

Are you out of your ****ing mind? WTF were you thinking?!!!!

Yep, we had a few ‘momments’ with both sets of parents when organising our Wedding.
My Folks weren’t too bad, however they did try and get a few random relatives i’ve never met onto the guest list, which did cause a minor falling out.
My in-laws were just a pain in the backside from day 1.
They showed minimal interest in the whole thing until a few weeks before (basically because they didn’t want to give us any money) However they did finally decide to pay for my wifes dress, which they then used as an excuse to start laying down demands – even to the extent that they complained about our choice of drinks behind the (fully funded by us) bar. (apparently all of my wifes ‘chim-chiminey’ relatives from North London only drink spirits, and we weren’t buying spirits) they also complained that the venue was too far out of London, they didn’t like our food plans, the list goes on….

My only bit of advice is it is YOUR day – beware of ill-meaning relatives trying to exert, or buy influence.

Seems to be a familiar tale freeagent. Heavily leaning toward some sort of foreign ceremony (Nepal perhaps?), then a big party in a tent in a field in the Lakes with all our mates, bbqs, bikes and booze. Might nip down the registry office later to get it signed off.

I’ve been invited to a few weddings this year, the cost of which combined would buy a fairly decent sized house. It makes me sick to see people spending more than a year’s salary on these things.

Mowgli – Member
My gf happened to mention in passing to her mother, the possibility of me and said gf getting married. We‘ve no intention of such a thing at least for a few years yet…

Yeah, right… when you say “we” you know you mean “I”, don’t you?

Got married in Vegas. No hassle from anyone – just doing what we want, when we want.

And a big piss up on our return

OH’s mother just said ‘Make sure you just do what you want and ignore what anyone else says’.

I bet she didn’t foresee you spunking the whole wedding budget on a luxury shed though.

Mate, its not YOUR wedding but your Wife’s, her Mum (and your Mum if you’ve no Sisters).

The best advice I can give is the advice my Dad gave me when I got engaged and was talking about (my first) wedding.

“Lad” he said, “Your job is to turn up, early”

Just clear off somewhere abroad, then you can invite all the unwelcome friends/relatives, safe in the knowledge that they won’t come anyway! Only close friends and reli’s will be prepared and happy to spend the money.

Make sure you have loads of crap music that old dears can dance to with 4 year old boys in waist coats.

Just be very firm and state your intentions.
Most mothers just want all their friends at their child’s wedding and some relatives you’ve never heard off, let alone met.
Shudder.

a luxury shed

😆

Wife’s mother gave us £10k and told us to fill our boots. Did the wedding for less than a grand and then had a couple of very nice holidays with the rest.

We don’t buy into the commercial aspect of it either. WTF wants to blow £20k+ on one day?! Not us. Likely to be a marquee in a woody glade, a few close family n friends, nice bit of homemade tucker and a nice selection of drinks including a few casks of local ale. Job done.

to hell with the extended family on this one – it is a day for you and your new wife to enjoy so frankly pay absolutely no attention whatsoever to anything anyone says apart from your fiancee.

Mrs Busydog and I called up a local district judge who came to the house and married us in front of her 2 sons and a couple of friends. I passed said judge an envelope with $100 and asked him to stay for a brunch and drinks. No hassles, no in-laws and no big $$

Luxury shed? The perfect place for an intimate reception. Just make sure we have a step by step pictorial account please footflaps, you know you want to.

The OH and me went to Svalbard and got married by the local Sheriff. We told people we were doing it and we also told them that they were not invited.

Fantastic trip hiking in the mountains and chilling in Longyearbyen