I’m stupid, I admit it. cloudnine however is just amazing.

1. Did a small jump when I was about 10 fell off my bike and landed shin first on a brick. I could see both bones in my leg the cut was that deep! 10 stiches later and only one day off school, I did say I wasn’t going to ride a bike again, so much for that!
2. About 17 this time acting as the crash test dummy. I did a jump and was going way too fast landed flat on my back from around 6ft up and got whiplash up my whole back. It still bothers me today 13 years later.
3. 18 or so now and jumping again, hooked the back wheel up on a double landed hard on my saddle. The rails bent and i slid off the back onto the brand new Michelin DH tyre. Wearing only addidas football shorts didn’t offer me much protection these two factors combined with the only way to stop being the v’brakes ment that my balls had now been sucked in by the tyres and were then squeezed by the rear brake. This resulted in a torn scrotum and a 2 mile walk home. I was too embarrassed to go to the hospital and treated it myself.

I stopped jumping shortly after this.

Grew up on motorbikes. Was de-coking an exhaust one day, which consisted of removing the exhaust and soaking it in petrol then lighting it to burn off the carbon. Got a bit over zealous with the petrol, lit it and it instantly blew me off my feet onto me arse. Could have been worse.

Was kayaking in South Wales and decided to do a long and steep bank launch into the river. Got way more speed down the hill than I thought, hit a rise and then some rocks, launched airborne and rag dolled the last 10 feet upsidedown into the river with a badly wrenched torso for my trouble.

Stuck my thumb in a spinning brake rotor! Dont know why just had to do it, hurt a lot.

Having loft conversion done. Builder moved cast iron radiator – got up early for work, didn’t turn light on. Kicked the ****** really hard – goodbye little toe! Made my eyes water I can tell you!

Tried to compress an empty cardboard box by jumping on it on a polished wooden floor. It went one way, I went the other at high speed onto a glass coffee table.

Too numerous to list – it’s nice to see I’m in good company on here (not that I really expected otherwise). Here’s some high(low?)lights:

Cutting a plastic plumbing pipe on my lap with a stanley knife whilst watching TV – was going well until I stopped concentrating on the cutting…

Broke a rib punt jousting (landed on the side of the punt).

Running along full speed looking down at a map I ran straight into the end of this railing. The pointy bit hit me in the groin – I couldn’t drive for several days as I couldn’t lift my left foot off the floor – though it might have been a lot worse if the impact had been an inch to the right!

…and if I’m allowed to mention one which somebody else did, on a winter mountaineering course in Scotland, after a hard day in the hills in lots of dangerous situations, after some bevvies on NYE one of the instructors fell off the platform of the disused railway station we were staying at and broke their arm.

Knocked myself out once on a train, in the good old days of british rail in one of those six seat compartments.
I attempted to crack a coconut using the heavy aluminium sliding door(this was to impress two female occupants sharing the same compartment) I slid open the door to full extent and placed the coconut to the far end against the door frame, using all of my 18 yo strength I slammed the door shut……………on my head !
I was awoken by one of the young ladies who was in tears (of hysterical laughter), her mate had gone to get the guard, I was taken off the train at Crewe and spent two hours in A and E, my Dad came to collect me and told the young Doctor I was probably drunk.

DIY DISASTER
So far :
1)taking an old window out missed the cold chisel i was holding with a lump hammer hit my hand clean on was that swollen and only found id broken it 3 weeks later as went to the docs as it got infected.
2)breaking some wood in the garden put it against a wall and kicked it bounced back and had 2 x 1 1/2 nails go straight into the calf of my leg. had tetanus and was to painfull to ride bike for about 2 months as id gone straight into the muscle.
3) carrying washing downstairs slipped on stairs over a bottle wife had put on the stairs and cracked the same 2 ribs that i had smashed in a car accident few years earlier.
4) in a rush running from bathroom to bedroom to get into bed with the wife misjudged door and kicked door frame and broke little toe.
5) making toffe apples thye were stuck fast to the tray so i used a blunt serated knife slipped and went across my finger cut straight down to the bone. the wifes comment was good job it wasnt sharp!!!
so now if im doing any jobs in the house missus wont leave me on my own Luckily only cuts an bruises fallin of the bike.

Oh I almost forgot, fell off a climb whilst top roping, got spun around and hurt my back against the rock. If only I’d been wearing something on my back to protect me.

Where is WCA when you need him.

Mine:

Cut open a beer can to see what the widget was. thought that this was a bit sharp and dangerous to put in the bin so should scrunch the two cut bits together. They slipped and cut my hand deep into the web between thumb and finger. A&E for stitches, docs could not believe I missed all the major nerves, blood vessels and tendons in there

Numerous A&E visits over the years but that one was just plain stupid

As an inexperienced teen I got back from a party, decided I wanted to eat something, too much oil in frying pan to be sensible, frozen burgers in, turned over by hand. That hurt.

As an inexperienced early 20s out on a work do I drank a little, had a go on one of those punching arcade games, never been shown how to punch properly, thought it smarted on the first go, had my next two anyway. Three days later (the day after picking up my first motorbike) I had a cast for my broken scaphoid. That hurt a bit too.

Throwing a vigorous high parry when fencing sabre I managed to dislocate my shoulder, that one went back unassisted whilst waiting for the ambulance, that really smarted for quite a while.

In a true Dr Pepper style “what’s the worse that can happen?” I carried on riding my bike with the dodgy rear brake until I really needed it. OTB or let off and just lean against that tree? Lean on the tree then…
Both bottles of entonox that the ambulance had left and a good portion of their morphine later we got to A&E to sort out the posterior dislocation of my shoulder (not the fencing one, I had dislocated that properly years earlier falling down the stairs after tripping on the shoes I left there). That was bloody painful that was…

Oh, and everyone smacks themselves in the bollox as mentioned earlier, so not going to bother with them, there is probably a limit on how long a post can be…

When I was about 14 we always used to make little kickers for our bmxes. Made one with a piece of wood far too thin and I had the first go on it, the wood snapped and I went over the bars landing on my face. Nice perfect square of road rash under my eye and a concussion, plus a tetanus injection in my arse that I still don’t remember having.

Finished MTB race (late eighties) took helmet off, hook of strap caught in front spoke, flicked me off, fractured skull – no helmet on you see. 😯

Jumped off a patio in a park and landed in one of those big steel commercial bins and took half my nose off on the edge of it.

+

The next year just as it was healing I got my foot caught in a wrought iron gate and smashed my nose open.

That was nearly 40 years ago, and I live with the consequences every day 😥

Electrocuted myself plugging in a TV when I was about 8, found myself 6 feet across the room from the plug wondering what had happened.

Jumping off “the plank” in a playground and mistiming it. The bruise covered my entire thigh to the knee. The ultimate dead leg ….

Nothing gory but uniquely painful all the same

1- Shifting a filing cabinet, my chest pushed the top drawer shut trapping a nipple and making it bleed.

2- As a boy, dangling from a tree branch I dropped onto an iron fence post taking all the weight on my perineum! An inch either side could have been EVEN more painful.

Whilst apprenticing I was testing a battery plate formation charger at full tilt, 100A and 120V DC. Finished testing and for some reason decided to turn off the control but leave the power circuit on. I went to disconnect the power leads and the the fully charged battery bank I was using as a load and the power supply discharged rather spectacularly through the M6 nut spinner I was holding as it clipped the DC busbars.

1 X 100A (dc side), 3 X 30A (AC on the 415v side) fuses blew as well as the battery 100A fuse along with the test bay circuit breakers. I also fried the newly built charger. I was left holding a very sorry for itself nut spinner and a good dose of arc eye(as well as a bollocking from the senior test engineer).

To this day I have no idea why I did what I did but have a very healthy respect for electricity.

cutting a log with a bushman saw when I was about 10, it jumped, lucky my thumb was tucked nicely away, sliced full lenght of index finger to bone.

Shifting a filing cabinet, my chest pushed the top drawer shut trapping a nipple and making it bleed

This did make me laugh, but I just don’t understand how it could happen, unless you have/had super long nips!!

This thread is really making me feel like I am better at being a human being than I thought.
I did crack a couple of ribs failing to unclip from spds the first time I tried them out. I was in my living room on the 4th floor at the time an I fell onto my coffee table
As a small child I decided that as I was right handed I would be able to pull better skids if I pulled the brake with my stronger hand. Swapped the brakes over and went as fast as my little legs could get me, forgot then slammed on the front brake and went straight over the handlebars.
A few days after slamming my own thumb in a car door I was cycling to school one handed. Decided I needed to change gear but the shifter was on the other side of the bars. changed gear and jackknifed and went straight over the bars
Went to a pub and got a take out of 12 bottles in a plastic crate (had an absolute skinfull while we are waiting) and set off on bike on the way home. My mate had the beers balanced on his bars and I had the torch (no lights, but in the middle of nowhere). torch went out suddenly and I clipped the curb and went over the bars. Mate behind had no chance and crashed straight into me and bike and smashed all bar 2 beers, cutting us both to shreds and ruining his white jeans!

Yes I do go over the bars a lot…

Me and a mate were in an Indian restaurant with my wife and his newly met lithuanian girlfriend. She commented on the metal hotplate on the table in front of her being hot. My pal decided it would be impressive to show his manhood.. he grabbed either side of the hotplate, picked it up and said ‘neeeehh.. that’s not hot’ and proceeded, in some crazy machismo way, to put his nose on it. There was this massive sizzling noise like bacon frying.. five minutes later and his nose was like this giant red balloon hehehe

Oh how we all laughed. Except the girl who looked quite worried. He never saw her again.

Long long time ago.. Worked for a double glazing firm, 2nd week on the job taking out a metal casement window, balanced said window with my knees and managed to get to the bottom of the ladder when it slipped and landed on my foot.. later carrying too much and not looking where i was going trod on a nail with the same foot, much pain pulling that one out.. end of the day packing up i stubbed the same foot on the gate stop in the middle of the driveway. I thought the gaffer was having a heart attck, i’ve never seen anyone laugh so much!

How timely… well I first injured my knee last weekend, tore the miniscus, getting out of the bath. Pretty stupid yes. But it got better after a few days and I was out walking again.
So last night I was out walking the dog and I injured it again…. picking up dog shit!
Luckily my son was with me and I managed to get home using his scooter as a zimmer frame.
Oh, the shame.

Trying to tighten a zip tie up with a pair of long pliers because the zip tie was to small for the job.
Pliers lost grip and I stabbed myself in the face with said pliers wiuth some force.
Panic and blood flowed until I got to a mirror and reaslised i’d just caugt the very edge of my eye socket.
About 2mm lower and i’d be a pirate now. Still makes me cringe when I think about it.

NZCol – Member

Finished MTB race (late eighties) took helmet off, hook of strap caught in front spoke, flicked me off, fractured skull – no helmet on you see.

thats a good one

Few years back thought it was time to tackle the layer of dust and do a spot of dusting/polishing… cloth in right hand, power dusting in a circular motion, left hand picks up my scalpel off the cutting mat and right hand dusts straight into the blade. Nice sticky sound as the blade plunged in and pulled out again, cue blood…

Also passed out once whilst about to go to the toilet – on the way down and out, hit chin on the edge of the toilet lid, cue blood…

TJ – am reminded of it at least annually by friends.

Been chuckling to myself reading through all of these; some of them will just put me to shame though; To the guy that shaved off part of his nose on a skip O_o props to you lol!

When it comes to MTBing I never get injured on the trails, it’s when I come off them that things start to happen.

As usual finished up a ride, got home and started the process of unloading my car. Now I have never got around to fixing the gas struts that hold up the boot lid (can hardly hold its own weight on a breezy day) and this is where my tale of woe begins.

As I am unloading the bike the neighbours dogs spot me and come running over. They all start jumping at the car and I’m pretty sure you can tell what happens next…down comes the bootlid on my head.

I have never sworn so much in such a short space of time! That’s it? I hear you say. Nope…

When the swearing ceased, grabbed my pads, helmet and other gear out the car, got on the bike with most of the gear hanging off my arms. I started to ride the bike round the back of my house and as I am coming around the corner I hit a nice patch of moss, come flying off, take some of my shins off sliding along the concrete floor.

Cursing begins again…and thankfully that is where it ends.

Tore ligaments getting into tent to get changed before starting a Polaris – had to retire after one checkpoint – apologies to my partner who had driven from London to the Lakes for that one.

Cutting tiles with a score and snap cutter – tile slips and slices through my wrist. Cue lots of blood – only time i’ve really seen it spurt out my body – and trip to A&E.

Climbing into said shower (when tiling finished and blood scrubbed off) – didn’t open doors fully – had bar nipple piercings at the time – twisted body side on to squeeze between the doors – caught piercing bar on the lip of door and pulled it out through my nipple 🙁 This was the one time when the nurses ‘had to consult with their colleagues’ over the injury i.e. get some one else to witness the injury or no one would have believed them 🙂

Plenty more – those are just some of the more stupid/unfortunate !

Running out of school at the end of term. The school gate was half way open so i shoved it with my foot to swing it fully open. Whilst keeping up speed of exiting for the summer.

It was the old wrought iron gates that swing almost completly flat to both sides of the wall its attached to. Anyhow the pin was down at the bottom of the gate wich it bounced on and hit me square in face put me flat on my back a bloody great lump on my head and i had to ride my BMX home very dazed. The lump took years to fully go down.

Drilled a perfect 4mm hole through my thumbnail and into my thumb. Had to put the drill in reverse to get it out.

A couple of years ago I was putting some things up on a shelf way above head height. It was a bit dusty, so I sneezed and headbutted the shelf below, which was at a perfect height to meet my forehead. i had to sit down for a while after that one

I have a mate, who was doing some sort of quick bike maintenance to the crankset area of the bike but from the other side of the bike (i.e leaning over the bike, head upside down, with chest on the saddle. He then decided to compress the rear suspension using just the force and pressure of his chest on the saddle and promptly broke a rib

I hit myself in the mouth with a sledge hammer.

When I was you I was out in the shed squashing cans with a big sledge hammer. Anyway I thought it would make sense to try and fire the lid off a plastic bottle, when it was screwed on…

Anyway… The hammer bounced back him, hit me in the chin, I but through my lip, lost my front tooth and put a whole in my lip. Not fun!

Slightly drunk I shot myself at point blank range in the leg with a bb gun……to see how much it hurt……a lot is the answer.

Had to dig the bb out with a pair of tweezers, still have a dent and a scar to show for it.

Dislocated a finger putting an elastic band around an inner tube, meaning pain for a week, no real grip for a couple of weeks and recurring problems for about three months…

I walked into a telegraph pole trying to prevent my 2 year old daughter from walking into a lamp post. I broke my nose 🙁

I also sliced from my fingers across the palm to halfway up my arm on slate. I was looking for bugs behind my dads shed when I was about 6. I ended up having to be dragged through nettles and bramble to be removed from behind the shed.

“Finished MTB race (late eighties) took helmet off, hook of strap caught in front spoke, flicked me off, fractured skull – no helmet on you see.”

thats a good one

You can add it to your list of “injuries caused by a helmet” 😉

Good work folks!

I knocked myself out doing the washing. Dropped a sock on the way to the washer which the kitchen door got wedged on. I noticed the sock on the way back from the kitchen, stooped to pick it up and pulled really hard. The door came with the sock and I slammed the door handle into my forehead – queue darkenss and a frozen bag of peas.

My friend (known as Daz-aster) excels at this kind of thing. He once knocked himself out at a New years eve party seconds after declaring that he would not visit A&E in the new year. He demonstrated a crick in his neck to a guest (from an earlier car accident) by waving his head about to make his neck click. This made him dizzy so he began to fall. Instead of falling he tried to catch up with his head by running. The result was he ran accross the room head first into the buffet, knocking the table and food over. 30 minutes into the new year he was in A&E with concussion and a large cut to his scalp.

the snow was SO red. All she had done was cut her lip.

Lips really can bleed, can’t they. You wouldn’t think they’d hold that much.