Two guys I used to work with discussing prices and discounts at different shops of something one of them wanted to buy,
"Yeah, but what's 5% of £100 ? It's probably only about two quid."
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Most mindbendingly stupid thing you've ever heard?
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Posted 1 year ago #
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My brother's former wife, when discussing religion, actually said "Religion never did anyone any harm".
Didn't know whether to laugh or punch her.
You should have punched her, it would have instantly disproved her point.
"American cities, for example Toronto, ...."
"Postmodernism makes the world easier to understand..."
Toronto is an American city. Postmodernism does make the world easier to understand.Posted 1 year ago # -
A couple of years back, when I ran an online retail business, we received a phone call from an Irishman (
) that went exactly like:"Hello. You see your website there?"
"Yes"
"Can you tell me what time it closes?"
"It's open 24hrs a day sir."
"Is it now? Oh, that's good. Thank you very much"Posted 1 year ago # -
Working in bike shops we often used to get daft questions or comments.
Bloke came in once with a puncture, can we fix it please. No probs. Ran hands round inside of tyre to find the thorn/glass etc, nothing there so in the end we checked the tube to find 4 neat holes in a line. Asked the customer how he'd done it and the reply was "well someone told me I could use a spoon to fit the tyre if I didn't have tyre levers. But I didn't have a spoon either so I used a fork"
Posted 1 year ago # -
I can safely say that at least half of these are sense of humour by-pass on behalf of the poster..
tragic
Posted 1 year ago # -
rusky thanks for that, I now feel like the smartest person in the world. How stupid can they be???
Posted 1 year ago # -
After me and the missus had been speaking to some lad on a bus out of Seattle for ten minutes...
"So, are you from Australia or New Zealand?" says he.
"umm, Wales, next to England." we replied, slightly suprised, but having encountered guesses from Germany, Scotland etc in the past we were not that suprised.
"Are you sure?"
Much sideways glancing at each other and suppressed laughter.Posted 1 year ago # -
konabunny - Member
My brother's former wife, when discussing religion, actually said "Religion never did anyone any harm".
Didn't know whether to laugh or punch her.You should have punched her, it would have instantly disproved her point.
Kind of got that...
Posted 1 year ago # -
a friend on a trip to the seaside asked "how much is a 15p ice cream?"
the lady looked at him in confusion and said 30p to which he said "ok i'll take 2" (not clever but true)whilst in indonesia I heard an american ask a tour guide whether all the islands were surrounded by water as she was a poor swimmer.
Posted 1 year ago # -
At school, many moons ago, the PE teacher instructed us to "divide into three halves - one half over there, one half in the middle, and the other half over there..."
Posted 1 year ago # -
The other day: 'It's illegal to sell bacon with rind under H&S laws as children might choke on it.'
Telephone conversation yesterday:
JulianA 'May I speak to Lois please? It's JulianA returning her call'
Unknown 'Certainly. Can I ask what it's regarding?'
JulianA 'I don't know: I'm returning her call...'
Posted 1 year ago # -
A guy I used to work with told me to be careful when I go to B&Q on there 10% off days as "they don't take 10% each item you buy but just take 10% off the total at the end, They think your stupid or something!!"
The wife overheard a couple of women having a natter about the new cctv cameras that had been put up on the street with one of them saying " I don't think they're real as I don't see anyone ever coming to change the tapes".
Posted 1 year ago # -
I think we have a winner.
Man finds grenade in his back garden.
Despite claiming he didn't realise it was a grenade, he tried to defuse it.
...the RAF said it was very unstable.
'They weren't very happy with me when I told them I'd been holding it next to my ear and listening to see if it would go bang.Posted 1 year ago # -
Our secretary said to me as if I was a complete fool -
"but baked beans aren't a vegetable, they are made from pasta"
I think she still believes I am making it up...
Posted 1 year ago # -
Whilst watching the Lord of the Rings a friends girlfriend asked him where middle earth was.
genius.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Was at the zoo a few years ago with the wife ,my mate and his girlfriend.Loking at the pengins the girlfriend came out with;
"Andy,you know that pengins are birds"
"Yes" I said,
"How do they stop them flying away"
"They clip there wings Helen" Posted 1 year ago # -
Monster HDMI cables make the speed of light travel faster, i lolled hard
Posted 1 year ago # -
I pointed out that my name was spelled wrongly on a cerificate which was being presented by a 'high-up' HR person. After a mildly heated debate, he was still adamant that I must have made the error on my course application.
My name is Graeme, they had Graham on the certificate!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Overheard at work today. A colleague was telling someone about his upcoming trip to Australia.
"You're going to Perth? That's where the Sydney Opera House is, isn't it?"
Posted 1 year ago # -
Trying to get a taxi, my sister-in-law said 'try fifty fifty fifty. If they are busy try five-o-five, o-five-o'
Posted 1 year ago # -
An ex work colleague believed that Sweetcorn was magnetic and reformed in your stomach after chewing it, and this was the process that caused Sweetcorn to magically appear in your shyte
Another ex colleague also believed that cans of Tuna had Dolphin in it & that Fish Fingers had Penguin in them (due to a penguin logo being used next to the freezer info on the pack) & that Penguins are not birds
Posted 1 year ago # -
I was watching that Location etc etc on C4 years ago when the girl who had more money than sense was stood in the very nice back garden of a house and declared......'OMG it's semi detached at one end' it was a rather plesant semi, which she declined as it hard dark paint on the walls
The other on the same subject, was that place in the sun show when Jermaine Defoe's girlfrend (since then she's been out with a number of other equally dim footie players) declared 'ooh look its got that funny wallpaper again'
To which the shows host Amanda Lamb replied 'yes its called marble'Posted 1 year ago # -
"what does stealth mean" cant remember the response but it was so priceless I forgot! make your own inappropriate one up!
and my fave
"the moon gives off a lot of light, nearly as much as the sun"
winner till the grave!
Posted 1 year ago # -
"We're going to privatise the royal mail" from some minister.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Girl in my geography class:
1. In response to the explanaiton that coffee is grown on slopes to allow drainage of the water to avoid frost, she asked: "Is that for non-freeze dried coffee?"
2. When asked to name a cereal crop: "Wheetabix"
She also attended her driving test with "L" and "R" inked onto the back of her hands....
(Thick but oh so fit as I recall)
Posted 1 year ago #
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