I don’t post on here a great deal, will keep the normal user name since i don’t think any one knows me anyway.

I suspect im probably depressed and or losing my marbles and i really dont know what to do about it anymore.

Background is, fiancee has left me and taken our 20 month old daughter with her. I suspose i knew it was going to happen, she spent longer and longer at her parents 30 miles away until eventually acouple of month ago they just stopped coming home. In secret she got them a house, first i knew was a letter from the letting agents to say her name had been taken off the tenancy. Its the whole doing it behind my back thats so hurtful. She used to say she had no control over her life. Seems to me she has all the control over 3 lives.

She blames the whole realtionship problems on me. After our daughter was born she got into the habit and is still in it, of going through my emails, texts, facebook messages, checking who im friends with on social media etc for ‘ evidence’. She read texts sent to female freinds saying things like it would be nice to meet up, etc and has decided 100% that all i want is an affair or a relationship with some one else. If i went to the pub it would be thrown back at me 6 months later as me being a useless partner, mowing the lawn or walking the dog shows i care more about that than them etc. I havent been a saint by any strech of the imagination but ive never had an affair or anything like that.

Baby wise, she suffered from pre natal depression and i think is depressed too but would never admit it, its all my fault nothing to do with her. Shes obsessive about our daughter to a point where i was never alllowed to make bottles etc as id do them wrong and might harm her etc.

So, any they’ve gone, i get to see D a bit, once a week perhaps, havent been allowed to have her stay over in 3 months and really don’t know how to cope with it anymore. I want us to try at least for her sake to remain as a family, but when ever thing i do or say is either used as ‘evidence’ or wrong it seems hopeless. I don’t count because our daughter has her mummy.

I work for the emergency services and the other day had to pull up in my car because i seemed to go into road rage melt down! Minor thing sent me into a 15 minute rage of shouting at nothing inparticular and then 20 minutes of uncontrollable crying in a lay by. Doesnt seem right to me, but what to do about it? If i see a Dr will they just say it will get better and carry on?

I have to re apply for my job this month and i guess if im on the sick i wont be eligable to apply so will end up out of work, im already desperately struggling with bills becaus theres only me paying the now, although OH never paid many anyway, never liked living here. Work feels like its on the slide anyway, i cant focus on planning stuff because when i look at the future i dont think about work i see an empty future of christmases birthdays etc where im apart from the people i love.

Im sorry thats such a long post, thanks if you go to the end.

PS I cant even ride my bike, sold it to pay bills to a bloke off here haha.

You need to go and have an honest discussion with your GP. You are obviously not in a good way, so there is no harm in asking for some help.

You need to look after yourself first, the rest can come later.

Sounds like depression to me – or at least I experience similar meltdowns occasionally and I shouldn’t think it is unusual to feel like that when life isn’t going the way you hoped and you feel out of control. It won’t do any harm going to see the doctor – he’s very unlikely to be that dismissive about it. It seems unlikely you should end up out of work because of being off sick, even if it is re-applying for a job – though I’d not want to offer definitive advice. But you don’t necessarily need to be signed off, and if it’s only a few weeks away it’s not that far ahead to aim – you can always go off on sick once you’re past that if you still need to – personally I find that some little target like that helps.

Sounds like reactive depression – that is, you are reacting to a situation that is getting you seriously down. Go see the GP.

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it FFJA.
Agree with the above about having a chat with your GP.
Do you have friends and family you can talk to and receive some support.
Can’t comment on your work situation as don’t know how that works but would have thought the emergency services would have support networks in place.

What ever happens I wish you well.

You are not losing your marbles, but it does seem likely that you may be depressed.

The acute irritability and crying you have experienced is not uncommon, and from reading the many threads on here in recent months, I suspect you are not alone, I have certainly been there many many times.

As others above have said it is time for a HTH with your GP. Depression is an absolute bitch, you will get better, but it will also take time.

All the best.

As all the above, see your GP and be honest.

Campaign/support specifically aimed at emergency services.

http://www.mind.org.uk/news-campaigns/campaigns/bluelight/

Good luck.

Been somewhere very similar recently, see some of my recent threads and posts on similar topics.

Go and see your GP. You need some time to get your head straight and work through your problems, which may require time off work and/or medication and/or some sort of counselling. If you are under the care of your GP, it becomes hard for an employer to screw you over without getting into the realms of discrimination. Join the union if you aren’t in it already for further advice and protection. You may also be able to access welfare through work or the union quicker than the NHS can deliver.

Best thing I did was talk to the GP. Just getting it all out in the open really helped me face a few problems, time off gave time and space to start dealing with them, which gave me the confidence to refuse medication and feel I was getting some control back.

And keep posting on here. I had lots of helpful advice and support, and some helpful emails from complete strangers, which was fabulous when I was down.

Been in a not dissimilar situation a long long time ago and I saw my GP and he was brilliant, even though up until then I hadn’t really liked him. I got the support I hadn’t realised I needed at the time and after a while was able to move on. You will be able to – this is normal with a major upset like you’re dealing with. I suspect an awful lot of us on here have been through something similar.

I hope this doesn’t come across wrongly, but if it helps I was at my wits end and didn’t know where to turn. I’m settled and happy now – you will be too.

I can’t help with any of your issues, I’ve no experience at all. I have an old Trek you can have though, if you felt that MTBing helped you feel better.
Where do you stay?

You’re all lovely people. I suppose a trip to the dr is probably the only solution.

I think what frightens me is never seeing an end. I will always have a daughter and will always be there dad. Double edged sword, nothing will change that regardless of me and the OH, but at the moment I feel like I have a lifetime of regret and missing out and if I try and move on or even think of it it’s like I’m abandoning my baby to a future without her dad there all the time and I set my self off again 🙁

Selfish I spose, if it’s better for her to be with a happy mummy I should suck it up but it’s pretty unmanageable at the moment 🙁

Thanks for all the positive thoughts tho x

then 20 minutes of uncontrollable crying in a lay by. Doesnt seem right to me, but what to do about it?

You’ve been through a lot of shit, crying is not only very normal in such circumstances it can also be very useful as it releases tensions and emotions, keeping emotions bottled in is a major cause of depression.

Make an appointment with your GP and if you hit a crises phone the Samaritans, having a chat with someone helps enormously to maintain more realistic and level thoughts.

Trip to doctor may be good advice – however don’t overlook Occupational Health at work, who may well have counselling and support in place that will likely be quicker than through the doctor, and may work better than, or better in conjunction with, a prescription from the GP.

Again not seeing an end is quite normal, FFJA. It’s like seeing a great big mountain that goes on and on upwards and you can’t see the top therefore it’s insurmountable. But there will be ways over it and with the perspective in time you’ll realise it wasn’t a mountain, just a nasty hill that you were too close to.

Good luck and best wishes. And we’ll done Murf, that’s a really lovely offer.

I agree that it sounds like depression. I’ve had it too. However, you are going through an awful time and it may well be all related to that. To me, it sounds like your ex has post-natal depression. Having pre-natal depression puts you at increased risk of post-natal depression. I’ve had postnatal depression and it’s utter hell, but my symptoms were restricted to exhaustion and very low mood. Your ex’s suspicion sounds a touch paranoid from what you describe and might be the more severe kind of postnatal mental health issue. Can you suggest that she sees her GP too? If she gets her head sorted out, things could be much easier for you. All the best.

Is your GP part of a multi-doctor practice? If so ask if they anyone with a specialism in mental health issues.
Remember it’s a one step at a time process. Good luck.

On a practical level finding somewhere cheaper and smaller, where you might be happy living would be a good move. Living in a place with unhappy memories (or even happy memories that are no longer reality) is best avoided.

Remember that feelings are there to be felt – dont get into the trap of trying to control them (ie changing them).

You seem to have been through a lot, so its OK to feel confused, scared, down …..just dont start battling them as youll amplify how you feel. Feelings of fear are always accompanied by anxious thoughts, what if this, what if that.

Have a chat with your gp if you think it may help.

OP, you’ve been through a lot – wouldn’t be surprising if you are experiencing depression. Most people would be in a bad place if they had been in the same situation.

I will repeat what others have said, go the doctors and speak to them. You should also be able to reapply for own job whilst off sick – it shouldn’t get in the way of that.

Take care and best of luck!

J

Thanks again folks, daft when they’re only 30 miles away but it may as well be the moon I feel so lonely without them. Nice to know there are people I can talk to.

Vickypea – I agree with you tbh, she won’t hear of it tho, despite the pre natal stuff and having had severe depression in the past. It’s all my fault according to her and I don’t think anything will change that now 🙁

And Murf, that’s a lovely thought. I’m only 5’6″ tho…..

FFJA – perhaps her family and friends will pick up on it and suggest to her that she might have post-natal depression. If this continues, I’d recommend counselling as that could provide practical help for you in finding a solution or a way of coping, whereas antidepressants may make you feel better but might not solve things in the longer run.

There’s a downside to the offer that I didn’t mention: It’s a Trek Y bike!
Yours if you want it 🙂

If a lack of bike is all that’s stopping you getting out OP, I have some parts that could help you build up a new one.

I have bars, tyres, SPD pedals and a seatpost.

both of you ned councelling try occupational health and your gp, and plenty of charities out there all willing to listen and sometimes help with talking to your employer.

Down size, cancel all mag and sky subscriptions, switch of lights,save energy and cut back on meals out etc, all helps discuss your debts and reasons for them with your creditors.

Cheers, I’m going to try occ health tomorrow, it might be that they can take the response element of my job away for a little while or something. I don’t want to go into meltdown at a job 😉

Money saving is a tough one, job requires i live in vaguely this area which is quite expensive, don’t have sky or meals out or anything, just a matter of getting back on top somehow then it won’t be as bad I hope. If it gets worse and has to go the CSA and legal route then I’ll have to move back in with my parents I suppose. Not really the plan at 35 with a half decent job and little girl but there we are I suppose.

Daft, 1 text from the mrs even tho it wasn’t nice particularly and I feel better. WTF is with that. I want to be angry with her and hate her for taking my baby away. I just worry about her instead 🙁

Cycle scheme opens at work in September might give that a go,
I’m 3 months off the fags, and strangely all this is making me more determined. Feels like one thing (probably the only thing!) I actually have a bit of control over.

Daft, 1 text from the mrs even tho it wasn’t nice particularly and I feel better. WTF is with that. I want to be angry with her and hate her for taking my baby away. I just worry about her instead

That’s pretty normal IMHO. Love does that to you. I’m sure I would feel similarly if it happened to me.

You already took a HUGE step in realizing that you may have a problem and probably need a bit of help to deal with it!

It will take time, but you’ll get through it!

Hi mate ..

I notice you said you work for th emergency services.. And specifically on a car ?

Is that lone working by any chance?

Might be an idea to rethink your work structure as well if that’s the case.

Lone working especially frontline emergency work is not good.

Your local MIND may have an employment service that you can self-refer to, for help with job retention when you have mental health difficulties, through coaching, advice and working with your employer to help you stay in your job.

Re your ex, sounds very much to me like she has PND. Paranoia about the baby/health etc, not letting anyone else do anything, and feeling unhappy with everything in life are definitely symptoms.