Calling all internerd doctors… I tried NHS direct, but they told me to go to A&E, which seems a little drastic.

My right bollock is really painful – it started yesterday morning, and doesn’t seem to be improving. The ball itself is tender to the touch, and the pipes feel a bit swollen. If I prod the ‘ends’ of the ball, it is real agony.

Mr Lefty is 100% fine, it is just Mr Right who is suffering.

Preliminary googling says it isn’t cancer, as that is pain free.

Have I got the bad AIDS?

MTFU, or go to the doctors?

Dave

Did Mr Right recieve any blows (of the bad kind)?

Doctors or A&E.

Sorry, why aren’t you in A&E again?

(Though tbf, they’ll only tell you its cat AIDS)

no trauma that I can recall… seems to be spontaneous

They can twist round on the tube thing, cut off the blood supply and swell up. My cousin lost one this way – he didn’t go to A&E until it was too late….

Take the bulldog clips off, they’re clearly not for everyone!

Likely to be an infection, but a torted testes (tube gets knotted up and blocks off the blood supply to the ball, which then dies) needs to be ruled out immediately.

Get off the Internet and go to A&E now.

Dr Lactic

I had eipididimo orchitis the other week, which after being sent to A and E by the GP with a suspected torsion, was something of a relief. Suspected cause was a hefty kick in the nuts from one of the kids a week or so earlier. Still very painful though, but antibiotics cleared it up. And better than having a bollock lopped off.

not mdeical but I’m sure the general advice for that one is get to the damm docs.

you lot are just as bad as my missus.

I just spoke to a duty doctor with a very lovely voice, and she has asked me to come in so she can have a bit of a rummage.

What is the etiquette here? Nip home for a shower first, bit of aftershave on the knackers?

Not worried about ‘excitement’… more likely to involuntarily kick her in the face if she prods too hard!

Dave

While she is having a rummage, make sure you put your hands behind your head…

When it comes to you balls, dont be a dick, go to the GP or A&E.

Could be epididymitis. It hurts. A lot. Antibiotics are required, see the doctor ASAP.

While she is having a rummage, make sure you put your hands behind your[b]her[/b] head…

FTFY

What is the etiquette here?

after you get undressed, treat her to a bit of ‘goodbye horses’

treat her to a bit of ‘goodbye horses’

don’t think i can manage that right now… it hurts when it touches my leg… tucking it back might result in me passing out!

am i going to have to google goodby horses or is someone going to tell me.

No useful input other than GET DOWN THE DOCS

bit of aftershave on the knackers?

Shave first.

And remember if times are hard, you cant beat a money shot.

am i going to have to google goodby horses or is someone going to tell me.

NSFW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faZ8hJSX1Q4#t=02m16s

I’m back.

I managed to contain any inappropriate excitement, and held in the giggling from all of your suggestions.

She made me strip off below the waist and lie down, but told me to leave my socks on. What is it with the NHS conspiring to see everyone in a shirt and socks?

she copped a good old feel, then made me stand up and she had another go.

The long and short of it (pun intended) is that she found something lumpy, so I’ve got to go for a session at the hospital with, undoubtably, a cast of 100 medical students lubing me up and ultrasounding Mr Right.

She reassured me that it shouldn’t be cancer, because that doesn’t hurt 😕

Also got some antibiotics, just for fun. 🙂

Dave

Gyno training is watching German pron…the short and socks thing is due to copying what they watched…

cast of 100 medical students

When I had my first hernia and went for the pre-op outpatients appointment with the surgeon, he was accompanied by two female medical students, both of whom were about my age. I’m not sure which of the three of us felt the most awkward when the surgeon asked me to stand up and drop my kecks so he and they could have a good feel whilst they asked me to cough.

Probably me to be honest, because it had been a really cold walk there…

I’m on antibiotics for the same atm. Infection in the tube on one ball. Hurts like hell. My doc is a cyclist so chatted about riding while he was rummaging. You know you are a bike nerd when talking about bikes you forget a large man has your nuts in his hands, such is your enthusiasm!

When it comes to you balls, dont be a dick, go to the GP or A&E quick

In a former life I was a hockey goalkeeper.

I’d been playing in an indoor tournament and (if you know anything about penalty corners in indoor matches…) had taken a supersonic flick to both plums at a range of 10 yrds (a box wont do a lot if you’re effectively lying on the floor akimbo 😳 )

Went down like a sack of poo that had been kicked in the knackers.

Popped into the docs a few days later once they had both swollen to a pretty accurate replica of a pair of ripe avocados – in both size, hue and texture. Quick rummage in my junk and he passed judgement that all my plumbing appeared to still be where it ought, but if I could manage to knock one out off the wrist to check, it wouldnt do any harm.

Two children later and….

Two children later and….

…you still have balls like Buster Gonad?

Two children later and….

…Ive’ requested a paternity test….

conversely, a cricketing mate of mine when we were early 20’s, was fielding at gully and took one in the plums right off the middle of the bat. A week later the pain wasn’t going away so he went to the docs, who said that it was entirely likely that it was still swollen and bruised from the incident, but won’t harm to check anyway.

One very fast trip to the sonographer later, and next day he’s undergoing an orchidectomy and chemo. Prior to the incident he’d had not an inkling of any problem, because as you say nut cancer is painless (at that point at least)

he has no doubt it saved his life, and that being hit full force in the plums was the best thing that ever happened to him. Odd concept, I must say.

he has no doubt it saved his life, and that being hit full force in the plums was the best thing that ever happened to him

*Kicks theotherjonv in the jewels.*

YOu can thank me later, you’re welcome.

next day he’s undergoing an orchidectomy and chemo

<worry balls on standby>

so I should be worried about the lump then?

You’ve been using them as worry balls? 😯

sorry if that was how it came across. It was a counterpoint to Stoner’s worst thing in the world experience. And trust me, i’ve played enough cricket as wicketkeeper to have enjoyed that experience as well.

Should you worry? Will anything I say now make any difference? No, because worrying won’t make a difference anyway, but get yourself checked out and then in all likelihood you can enthrall others with your ‘lump on the nut’ anecdote.