Over breakfast this morning I was explaining to my kids about an old mate of mine that could write his name on walls with his own vomit. Not as in dips his finger and writes, more that with a few beers inside him we’d take him to McDonald’s, buy him a strawberry milkshake and wait. After a short time he’d be able to projectile vomit “Joey” onto a wall. It was horrid but funny at the same time.

Needless to say my kids thought me very odd indeed.

Not just your kids…..

I used to be able to snort a condom, keeping hold at the nose end, pull the other end out of my mouth and squeegee my sinuses.

For some reason I havent done it for 20 years.

Me too, stoner, was my party trick after seeing it on the word 😯 sinus’s nipped a bit the next day mind.

you cant beat a spermicidally lubricated sneeze though….

I worked with a guy, he was most definately not a friend, who was involuntarily sick every day. It was like having a poo for him. He’d get a feeling then have to rush to the toilet to be sick. Every day.

Hahaha, glad it wasn’t just me who tried that after seeing it on the Word. Problem I had was the only condoms available in the pub vending machine that night were banana flavoured. I still can’t forget the vile taste and smell I experienced that night.

Never tried it again either.

I had a school friend who could turn his eyelids inside out… that looked pretty disgusting.

Hahaha, glad it wasn’t just me who tried that after seeing it on the Word. Problem I had was the only condoms available in the pup vending machine that night were banana flavoured. I still can’t forget the vile taste and smell I experienced that night.

Could have been worse. Might have been ribbed.

He’d get a feeling then have to rush to the toilet to be sick. Every day.

sounds like my best mate..
his was definitely influenced by fourteen pints of scrumpy and 60 roll-ups every evening though..
He used to stay at our place for months on end back in the good old days, waking at 4am every morning for ten minutes to piss and fart like a racehorse, coughing up phlegm with an an ear splitting hack for the whole 10 minutes..
The worst bit was that we knew that with every fresh cough, his stream of pee would be missing the toilet bowl..

Then he’d get up for work at 6am.. sink a pint of cider and head off across the police station car park towards the train station, lighting up his first smoke on the way.. This would invariably cause him to cough til he was sick, often losing his false teeth in the process and causing him to bend down gracefully to scoop ’em back up and put them back in his gob in one stumbling slapstick movement..

his Old Man died last week.. 🙁

At uni we used to light our farts. We were discussing the urban myth one day about how you can light your own farts so the next person who needed one (me) scooched down on the seat and found to our delight that you could indeed light your fart, happy dayz!!

a mate i played rugby with, used to peel his forskin back and put 6 50p pieces on the end of his todger, then selotape it shut.
he then proceded to walk round the boozer swinging his apendage between his legs.

it was hillarious. 😆

Back in the uni days a guy I used to share a house would piss the bed every Wednesday eveing (the big night out as student was Wednesday night). Come Thursday morning, without fail, he would be on the landing drying his mattress with a hair dryer.

Same chap also wrote his name in shite on a wall by sticking a biro up his bottom.

Also the same chap mentioned in a matter of fact manner that he had made a hole is a melon about an inch wide, warmed the melon upto body temperature and he made himself shall we say “less lonely” with said melon…I never did eat any fruit in that house hold for a whole year!

Geordie lad I played hockey with at Uni had lost his 4 front teeth to stick-mouth incident.

After post match drinking sessions he’d vomit out of the third story bedroom window into the garden.

Next morning he’d retrieve his teeth and pop them straight back in before eating breakfast.

Not a mate, but was away on a ski hol, 5 lads.
Got talking to some kid in a bar, following night we are sitting at a table in the same bar and hears a metal on glass noise. Turned round to the kid with his knob in a pint glass bashing his piercing off the side. Pee’d in the glass then drank it, started to reach and then vomited the pee and whatever else into the glass then drank that as well.
Kept a wide berth after that.
After a stag do, one lad had no money to stay out on the drink. For a £ a man he let everyone blow there nose into a tissue then ate it. Got about £13.

Niiice…. 🙄

After a stag do, one lad had no money to stay out on the drink. For a £ a man he let everyone blow there nose into a tissue then ate it. Got about £13.

a fella I know once made a few bob doing the old ‘lion bar in a pint – watch me eat this poo’ routine..
to add authenticity though, he poo’ed in the corner pocket of the pool table first to let everyone inspect the goods before they placed their bets..

the switch was made at some point during the revulsion as he fished the poo out of the pocket to put it in the pint

top work

Had an eating contest with some mates once. Things like dry crackers, pack of lard, raw eggs, that kind of thing. Picture two teams of 2, and each team member taking it in turns to eat the various items. At the final the two teams were about level pegging and all that was left on the table was the raw egg and the lard. Team 1 player 1 ate the egg and promptly spewed the entire contents of his stomach out onto the table. Other team looked over and started laughing, as they started on the lard. Team 1 player 2 looked at the other team, looked at the table, looked back at the other team, then proceeded to scoop/suck team 1 player 1’s vomit into his mouth, swallowed and then practically inhaled the hunk of lard. He then sat there like a boss whilst pretty much everyone else in the room chundered profusely. I can still remember the smell.