Have a mate, enjoyed life, thought everything was good, not a worry in the world.

Whilst working away his wife was cheating on him. He found out, cue crying and apologies etc etc etc – they stayed together

Months go by, he catches her again with the same bloke – cue crying and aplogies again, he should have been stronger and walked but didn’t.

For last 6 months there not been any issues – but even though he still loves her, he feels like that special connection they once had has gone – he also feels pretty worthless.

He goes out most weekends with a pretty large group of friends, his wife, her friends, friend of friends, people duck in and out etc.

Like most men, he’ll look at other women and admire their form and then not give it another thought – its not like he’d ever cheat, because one, he knows the pain it causes and two, he’s just not that sort of person.

Thats the background – heres his problem:

Theres a girl in the group, a friend of a friend sort of thing. Few weeks ago on a night out, he got talking to her…..turns out shes pretty awesome.

Since then he’s been chatting to her a bit via internet and seem to have lots to chat about (both he and she just have general chit chat nothing more). He feels like some sort of school kid with a crush and thinks about her a lot……..but even though he’s not mentioned these feelings to anyone, he feels VERY guilty about it.

How does he stop these feelings and get back to the mundane normal life?

but even though he’s not mentioned these feelings to anyone, he feels VERY guilty about it

If I could read minds I’d be a secret agent or a master criminal, not an agony aunt.

The expression I’ve heard is “spank it like a monkey in a mango tree.”
HTH.

Why does he want a mundane normal life?

even though he’s not mentioned these feelings to anyone

You are Darren Brown, I claim my £5.

Whack off in the shower every morning, purge those hormone filled pods.

Can I use the phrase “hit it like a ginger stepkid”?

You are Darren Brown, I claim my £5.

Derren’s brother?

Your ‘mate’ should do what his heart tells him, not his head. He owes nothing to anyone and any feelings of guilt he has are purely ones of conformity to set of rules and values expected of a married man.

but even though he’s not mentioned these feelings to anyone

How do you know then? or is this one of those ‘mate’ questions where we’re not supposed to know that it is you?

are there any kids involved? what is the financial situation (shared house etc.)?

Dave

he should dump the cheating bitch and run off into the sunset with teh awesome girl. He’ll only loose half his house, well worth it IMO.

Yup, leave wife, move on.

or cheat on wife and see how she likes it…

Proven.. his wifes cheated,
Proven.. he’s taken her back,
Proven.. he’s still a Man and can have feelings.

Choice.. stay where the probability of manogamy is stacked against him or break free if the other Girl feels the same.

But a clean break it must be, no behind the wifes back stuff please, be honest opena nd true to oneself.

blah, blah..

no kids involved

How do you know then? or is this one of those ‘mate’ questions where we’re not supposed to know that it is you?

First posting from the man calling himself headmash, well done Sherlock. 😆

manogamy

Is that like monogamy but between dudes?

…. is this what they call a ‘ troll post’ ?

I ‘ll play along though …

Your friend … should arrange a time for this new lady to call around. Ideally timed for his wife to walk into the bedroom as he is hanging out the back of the new lady .. If he can somehow talk the new lady to be wearing his wifes bestest sexy underwear …that would work out just fine.

well done Sherlock.

😳

no kids involved

Get out then; she’s deservedly lost your trust.
Get away from her and try life on your own for a bit. Possibly don’t go straight for the new bird – rebound alert! – or if you do, then take it slow. You may decide that you want your missus back, in which case, retaining the moral high ground would be good.

Dave

iDave – beacuse he thinks thats prob the right thing to do

MF – good to know he shouldn’t feel too guilty

bikebouy – you speak sense

mooman – not a troll

Alfabus – this is maybe what he should have done

.

the right thing to do

the right thing to do is a fallacy. there is no ‘right thing’.

whatever you do, there will be pain, just take the course with less suffering and more likelihood of pleasure.

toss a coin, when it’s in the air, you’ll know what you really want.

There may be trouble ahead,
But while there’s music and moonlight, and love and romance,
Let’s face the music and dance.

There may be trouble ahead,

But while there’s music and moonlight, and love and romance,

Let’s face the music and dance.

[post edited. Mod]

😆 @ Stoner!

So own the wife with a pair of bombers, not forgetting to piss in her shoes.
Then go round to the new girls, [post edited. Mod] and paint them white on the way out.
Seems like a plan of action is forming.

idave – thats quite poetic and probably true

he’s just heard she’ll be out this weekend

If there’s no kids to worry about and this other woman is that great then get out of the marriage. Or could it just be a case of the grass being greener? If you/he does decide to leave though as above, do it honestly – just because she cheated on you/him there’s no need to reciprocate and create bad feeling.

toss a coin, when it’s in the air, you’ll know what you really want

I like that.

Arrange skip.

Wifey out for the day.

Change locks.

Put wifeys stuff in skip.

Call awesome hottie round.

Have sexytime in front room when wifey due back.

Legal experts refer to this as a “Clean Break”.

MSP – not how how the trouble will manifest but I’m sure you’re right also

How ‘awesome’ is the new girl? Any pics?

MSP: ‘So own the wife with a pair of bombers’

Stepped over the line there fella… domestic abuse jokes ain’t funny.

The rest is fine though, carry on.

Your marriage is over. But if you’re honest, you know that already
You have the chance of hapiness. Take it
It’ll be a hard painful transitional period, but ultimately worth it. Believe me.

And you’ll know where it went wrong last time. So try not to repeat. Awesome girls tend to get more awesome. 😀

Man who can’t sort his life out without advice from random mountain bikers has more problems than he thinks, probably.

Trust gone = marriage crashed and burned.

Leave cheating wife. Get divorce started citing infidelity.

Relax with a good bottle of red and see awesome chick occasionally and see how things develop.

My work here is done.

Your marriage is might be over. But if you’re honest, you know that already have been wondering that

crikey – think youre prob right

Like most men, he’ll look at other women and admire their form and then not give it another thought – its not like he’d ever cheat, because one, he knows the pain it causes and two, he’s just not that sort of person.

Since then he’s been chatting to her a bit via internet and seem to have lots to chat about (both he and she just have general chit chat nothing more). He feels like some sort of school kid with a crush and thinks about her a lot……..but even though he’s not mentioned these feelings to anyone, he feels VERY guilty about it.

The two bits in bold are not compatible.

“He” already is cheating.

“He” needs to decide whether “he” really does want to spend the rest of his life with his wife.

If “he” does then he’d better not “chat” with the hottie again.

If “he” doesn’t, then he’d better fess up to the wife, tell her it’s over and move on.

Those are the only two options that aren’t going to lead to lots of bitterness and wasted time all round.

the right thing to do is a fallacy. there is no ‘right thing’.

Totally disagree with that. The right thing to do is the thing that is right for the person making the decision. Why would doing what you want to do be the wrong thing to do in these circumstances?

New “hottie” = Surfmat in a dress.

The fact you have these feelings is unsurprising. Just make sure its what you actually want, not what you think you want.
The fact that your wife has played away TWICE is telling me that she’s not that bothered either.
Trial separation might be an idea. She can see other bloke, you can have an awesome time with awesome girl. If no guilt feelings develop, get in there!

Since then he’s been chatting to her a bit via internet and seem to have lots to chat about

This is what I found out my ex was doing.

Marching orders were served about 30 seconds later…

The right thing to do is the thing that is right for the person making the decision.

Surely that can only be determined with hindsight?

What I’m trying to say, is that going back to ‘mundane normality’ doesn’t seem like a smart move, just because the OP thinks it’s ‘right’ based on some weird framework built by other people.