This is great and made me laugh!

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour’s daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbour’s daughter is 22.

We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won’t go to counselling and I’m afraid I can’t get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

******************************

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

Walter

Pure class!

munque you owe me a new keyboard and screen
mine are full of coffee now

Makes me laugh each time I read it! Think it may have to sit in my desk for those bad days at work!!!

LOL.

Get the car fixed and reverse over the husband.

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I’ve suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out ‘with the girls’ a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them”. I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

Cheers

Dear Holly,
Since the birth of my first child, I have developed a rather intimate and embarrassing problem, and I am too ashamed to visit the doctor. Before I fell pregnant I was vaguely aware that having a baby might have some physical side-effects, but it seems that squeezing out a head and shoulders has seriously knackered my flaps. I used to pride myself on my risqué collection of thongs and split-crotch panties. Nowadays you’ll usually find me hobbling around the feminine products in Morrisons with a large piss-sodden pad wedged under my clacker. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were before the birth. Can you help?
Geraldine
Newcastle

Dear Geraldine,
Once, in assembly, Mrs Gregory was telling us a parable from the Bible about the Prodigal Son. I think she was trying to tell us that you can be as naughty as you like and you’ll never get in trouble with your mum and dad. Then suddenly all the kids at the front started screaming and jumping up and I could see on the floor was a big stream of yellow wee coming from Oliver French. We all got to go outside and have extra playtime instead of hearing more dubious advice from Mrs Gregory, and Oliver French was taken to the welfare office.

It sounds like you maybe have the same problem as Oliver French, so try to get over your embarrassment and go and see the doctor as soon as possible. Otherwise, you might end up wearing brown lost property pants and sitting alone on the naughty bench until your mummy comes to fetch you.
Hope that helps!
Holly

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/opinion/columnists/your-problems-solved%2c-with-holly-harper-200905271786/

funniest thing i have read for yonks………..pmsl.