Good cheer and a brighter horizon.
Three weeks ago I made a post about drinking too much which for me was a way of trying to cope with a much more serious underlying problem and an awful situation that I found myself in. Here is a positive update.
I had returned Edinburgh after six months of being a reclusive wreck and not being on the bike for a very long time. Staying in my old home – my ex’s, with her and much sadness and tension. It took a few weeks until I got my bike in working order and headed out.
Following my post about the drinking I received good advice and support from people on STW and someone much wiser than me suggested that instead of going to buy the evenings booze, I go out the bike.
So I did exactly that.
My regular ride will be familiar to many here. It starts off with a climb up and around Arthurs Seat: our own mini mountain in the city. The view along the coast and then across the city as you round the hill is brilliant. Everything looks better from above. A mild evening and the city feels alive. Across the meadows (a city park), along the canal (tentatively over the cobbled aquaduct path) and up through a wooded dell along the river and finally a short bit of climbing and I’m out of the city below the open hills. I went just far enough to be away from the city and be able to look north across the forth to the mountains of the southern Highlands.
This first ride was testing – I’d not ridden inclines for long time. Opened the lungs up and made me cough for all the next day. But there was a joy to be out there and I went again the next day. In the morning I walked up Arthurs Seat and sat at the summit in the sunshine looking at the city I love to live in. Not a run up for fitness (I nearly collapsed with a lack of energy on the way up) but to drink it all in and savour it like a new experience. Had an emotional moment.
Ride up to the hills again later and watch the suns final evening glow from on high. Exhausted but feeling good.
The following day I rode out along the coast again in glorious sunshine and arrived at the Forth Rail Bridge, tide high and looking to the north and the west. There is an inbuilt trajectory in me that compels me in that direction. Emotional moment again.
So for the next weeks I ride every day, through wind, rain, dark, illness, hangover, and a lot more wind. I’d be out in the evening for up to five hours, away from the tension in the flat and getting stronger in body and heart.
I would go further than before, linking descents and trying new routes, dragging myself and bike over the tops of hills and often descending the final hill with the city lit up below in the late evening. By the time I’d get back and get cleaned and fed there wasn’t much time for drinking. Last week was my first day since June without a drink at all.
I’d like to wax lyrical about a lot of what happened on my rides but this post is long enough for now. I mapped all the rides and bike route toaster told me that in the first two weeks back on he bike I covered 400 miles and 22,000 ft of ascent. That’s a hell of a lot for me.
Someone also told me that other things would fall in place and they have. I’ve met old friends and seen the lively, dynamic part of life here again. On Saturday I had a great night out with some new friends and met up with a girl I first saw at new year. A beautiful, sassy redhead who I actually graduated with but didn’t know her at the time. A couple of parties, some of the old art crowd and a great night that came out of the blue. Walking home across the city in the morning sunshine I was the happiest I’d been in years. I loved is place a little bit more. Tonight I’m seeing her again. It may not go any further (she’s much younger than me and I hadn’t totally stopped thinking of myself as a wreck) but I’ll take what comes.
I’m looking forward to a new home, new independence, whatever comes and a lot of riding a bike.
I love where I live, where I ride.