I only base this on my friends and family to avoid their pitfalls, but I timing helps – lots of people I know got married very young, early 20s to the only person they’d ever gone out with. They all seemed to have very elaborate weddings, and took it very seriously – oh you’re daren’t refer to their partner as anything other than Wife or Husband, they took that very badly. Classic over compensation – anyway 5-10 years later and they were going through the most brutal, bitter divorces.
Others seemed to me that they wanted a fancy wedding more than they wanted to be married, and others expected marriage to be some magic potion to make their relationship stronger (still a better idea than having a Baby to bring them together) – but really, when it you boil it down the nuts and bolts – marriage is a mutual contract that states that you promise you won’t marry anyone else, well unless you get this one nullified first – I don’t change anything really.
As for ‘maintaining’ ours, I a big believer in trying not to take each other for granted, trying to be as honest and open as possible, always have each other’s back – we don’t always agree on everything, but I’ll never take anyone else’s side against her and generally making an effort. I don’t want to be in one of those relationships when they just bicker constantly, I don’t get it – some of my friends just seem to spend their days chipping away at each other and looking for ways to upstage each other – I’m sure 5 years ago it started as playful teasing, but it’s evolved into something darker. I fear one day they’ll realise they actually hate each other and they’re only their out of habit.
When my Kids are older I’ll advise them not to get married until they’re at least 30, you change so much in your 20s. Not to take it too seriously, don’t spend more than you really can, or should on the actual wedding – if I was to try to draw up a list of the 50 greatest days of my life – I’m not sure it would make the list, I was nervous before the ceremony, more nervous before the speech, uncomfortable in a stupid suit I’d never wear in real life and exhausted by the end of it.
Frankly whilst I’m married, I still down really believe in it, I still think it’s just an overly expensive, slightly boring party that’s way more fun for your guests, given the choice I’d have spent the money on a years traveling instead, but I do love my Wife dearly and she wanted to do it, and I’ve no plans to be in a relationship with anyone else.